[jenniepepsi]

Some of you already know the problem I'm having with my 5 year old daughter and stranger danger.

She just does not GET IT. No matter how much I explain it, show her kid friendly videos, I try to scare her, guilt her, bribe her, spank her. Everything I could think of! But she still insists on simply walking up to perfect strangers (people I don't even know) and holding their hand and talking.


A lot of my friends suggest that she may not be this way alone, its just because she feels secure and safe when I'm near by. But still it worries me.


Now as for my question...

My mom suggested something that just DOES NOT SOUND RIGHT to me at ALL!! So when in doubt I'm NOT doing it. But I thought I would ask you guys.


My mom suggested I get a friend of mine, one whom I TRUST and one who she has not met before, and have my friend snatch her up and run away with her, to 'stage' a kidnapping. And my mom suggests that it will scare her enough to get it through her thick little skull.


Now, while I agree it will scare her enough to never talk to strangers again... isnt that going TOO far? Can't that scare her TOO much? And scar her emotionally? Children go to therepy when something like this happens for REAL... why would I stage it??

And then, when she finds out it wasn't real and it was all pretend, how is she to trust me ever again??

[JoeCanada76]

That is the worst advice ever. Never stage something like that and i will tell you why.

If she finds out that it is staged. It will seem like pretend to her, and

Say if it happens in real life then she will not think it is series.

Oh my god.

[jenniepepsi]

THANK YOU JOE! That's exactly what I thought! Terrible. I'm so glad I didn't listen to her this weekend!

[NeedKarma]

Your mother has issues. I don't see a problem with a happy trusting 5 year old. They will learn their inner circle soon enough. It's worse to fear everything.

[88sunflower]

Jennie I have a 5 year old boy and he isn't that friendly but he is to friendly for my liking. Tell your mother she has lost her freaking mind on my behalf. That's not going to prove anything to your little girl but terrify her to death. You just have to talk and talk to her and one day it will click. God willing you won't need to worry if she knows her street smarts or not because hopefully won't be in that situation.

[jenniepepsi]

Yeah you guys are all right. I'm sure that once she is at school, and 'by herself without mommie' she should be OK. And the teachers have more experience than I do in explaining things to kids her age.

Besides, we all know that kids listen to other adults MUCH better than they listen to mommy :P

[JoeCanada76]

That is so true Jennie. The children do listen to other adults better sometimes.

The thing is do not punish her for just wanting to be friendly with others. That might just encourage her to be even more friendly with others. Looking for love.

Anyway, as others have said continue to drill in her head that there are certain people you trust at 5 years old I would think most kids will not understand completely.

As well, it is not always strangers you have to watch out for.

Kidnappings and assaults and other things usually happens by somebody that child trusts and knows.
Scary thought but true.

[jenniepepsi]

Hey everyone :) I got an answer from my psychologist, who is a family psychologist and handles kids too, ayla doesn't see her but I asked her about it and she gave me peace of mind.

Aparently, because I am a Stay at home mom, and she has NEVER really been away from me except once in a great blue moon and the only time that happens is if she stays the night at nana's house...

And because she has no siblings, she is simply better at being friends with adults than kids and she prefers the company of adults because that's what she is used to. Once she starts school next month in kindergarten, she will make so many KID friends, she won't even WANT to talk to adults anymore.

[NeedKarma]

I would start the socializing now. Go to popular parks and let her loose.

[jenniepepsi]

We do go to the park, and the pool (az sucks without pools lol) and she does play with the other kids, but its usually only for an hour, and then she never sees them again. (we can't stay out too long, because of heat warnings. When its 110 its just too hot)

[NeedKarma]

That's great. Once kindergarten picks up usually the invites to birthday parties begin.

[88sunflower]

That's great. Once kindergarten picks up usually the invites to birthday parties begin.

Oh do they ever! You will have party invites and then she will have her little friends for playdates.

[N0help4u]

My kids attached to strangers too easily up into their grade school years. You have to keep an eye on her until she out grows it and when she asks if she can go somewhere tell her no because you have not yet learned to be wary of strangers and I don't want anything bad to happen to you.

Staging her to be kidnapped is bad because
A. If she never knows it was staged she could be tramatized for years to come.
B. as Jesushelper said if she does find out it was staged she will not only look at it as not real life and not take it serious but she could also learn to not trust you.

[Brofaux]

That is horrible advice and could be traumatic at that age.

5 is a tender age, let her grow and give her time.

[excon]

Hello jenni:

In addition to the above, I'd even go so far as to say that I don't think you should train her OUT of being a friendly outgoing, UN-frightened child.

What I think you should do is, YOU take responsibility for her security, and let her be a kid. That means never letting her out of your sight.

excon

[jenniepepsi]

Yes, that's what I do now excon. And I feel this is probably the best course for now. :)

Thank you everyone so much for your input.