Does she really like sex with me

wynneman · Jul 13, 2009, 10:50 AM

My wife swears on the bible and are kids that she loves having sex with me and I amd the best she has ever had but we don't have sex very often and she says she just don't think about it. So I question that its all true?

Curlyben · Jul 13, 2009, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by wynneman

So I question that its all true?

Hey it's YOUR wife only SHE would know!!
How's this for an idea.
ASK HER!

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

jenniepepsi · Jul 13, 2009, 10:54 AM

CurlyBen is right hon, we can't answer this for you, only she can. Ask her. Be honest and open. Your relationship won't work very well or happily if your not communicating openly.
Good luck

Synnen · Jul 13, 2009, 11:01 AM

Oh for heaven's sake.

Just because she doesn't have the drive to HAVE sex all the dang time doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy it when it happens.

It's not about whether you enjoy sex--it's about most women not being able to switch from career woman to mother to maid to laundress to cook to sexy wife/seductress by pushing a dang button! It doesn't work like that!

TALK to your wife, but seriously--get over the fact that she doesn't want it very often.

wynneman · Jul 13, 2009, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Oh for heaven's sake.

Just because she doesn't have the drive to HAVE sex all the dang time doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy it when it happens.

It's not about whether or not you enjoy sex--it's about most women not being able to switch from career woman to mother to maid to laundress to cook to sexy wife/seductress by pushing a dang button! It doesn't work like that!

TALK to your wife, but seriously--get over the fact that she doesn't want it very often.

I can't stop the fact that I like having sex with her and want to a lot

jenniepepsi · Jul 13, 2009, 11:18 AM

No you cant, but you can do what my husband does. My hsuband wants sex EVERY night. But I just can't do that. Sometimes I am VERY tired and I just don't have the energy nor the desire.

So my husband has some nakked pictures of me, and he has a toy (a masturbation sleeve) and his own private lube, and he takes care of it himself on the nights that I just can't do it.

Please talk to her about how your feeling. She might surprise you! Who knows, she may be perfectly willing to have sex more often if you just talk to her.

Synnen · Jul 13, 2009, 11:25 AM

But SHE can't help that she comes home from work, makes dinner, helps the kids with homework, straightens the house, does the dishes, plays with the kids, gets them ready for bed and THEN find the energy for sex.

I'm guessing here, but I'm betting that she does most of the parenting and most of the housework, as well as holds down a job.

How about setting up a date night once a week, where YOU take care of ALL of the arrangements--including the babysitter!--and plan time alone together. Yes, it's only once a week to start, but sometimes that will lead to more as you connect more, and the more you help her around the house, the more energy she has for you.

If this is a DRASTIC change from her previous libido, and you can't link the timing to a new job, or having kids, or any OTHER stressful event, you might ask your wife to talk to her gynecologist about it.

Either way, you need to TALK to your wife about this.

kp2171 · Jul 13, 2009, 11:49 AM

Only she can tell you if it is true.

But, yes, one partner can enjoy quality sex with the other and still have a lower drive.

I can go on and on, but the answer is it is absolutely, and even common, for one partner to be more driven than the other.

Now... what are the details? How long together? Kids in the home? Stress? Any couple getaways?

Even when things are best, my drive has always been higher than my partners for the most part with one exeption... she likes early AM sex more whereas I love night sex... so we compromise and I have mostly morning sex. Oh well.

Anyway... I don't care if I'm the "best shes ever had"... I do hope she finds me attentive and she is responsive.

In the end... all you can do is try to be honest and open about what you want. We've done a decent job by exploring books... sensual touch, massage, etc...

If I draw my lover a hot bath, rub her body down after, and take time on her body to sensitize her skin, she is almost always responsive to sex.

If I'm trying to get some fast 'cause the kid is asleep and we have a dozen minutes to work something out before he comes in or wets the bed... well... her mind isn't exactly in the moment... at least not the moment I'm looking for...

Gemini54 · Jul 13, 2009, 05:21 PM

You're probably old enough now to know that women and men respond differently to sex and sexual cues. So, why do you expect her to think about it the same way you do?

Be grateful that she enjoys it when she does and if you want it more, don't badger her. As I said in another post, there is no greater passion killer for a woman that being harassed for sex.

Try being affectionate and loving and give her some help with the kids. Make some time for yourselves. You may be surprised at what happens.