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MrBmoe101 · Jul 12, 2009, 09:35 PM

Hey,
My girl and I have been together for 2 years now and just recently we had a huge fight. We were hanging out with her friends, which are mostly all guys, and she was flirting which appeared to me, anyway, I left. NOW, one of her friends (Brian) have has a huge crush on her and made a couple of moves on her. I am guessing she slept with him, but I do know they have kissed.
We got back after this fight two days after and she totally had me convinced we're back at loving each other doing the boyfriend and girlfriend, the whole nine yards. Her friends that she has known for only four weeks, obviously hate me. She told me she doesn't care.
NOW, today she leaves to hang out with them telling me she loves me and nothing will ever come between us. Just now, she has called me up and wants some time to herself, a break apart because she is confused and needs this to happen...
I am guessing Brian spent time with her and talked her out of this decision, how should I go about this?

taoplr · Jul 12, 2009, 09:57 PM

Originally Posted by MrBmoe101

Hey,
My girl and I have been together for 2 years now and just recently we had a huge fight. We were hanging out with her friends, which are mostly all guys, and she was flirting which appeared to me, anyways, I left. NOW, one of her friends (Brian) have has a huge crush on her and made a couple of moves on her. I am guessing she slept with him, but I do know they have kissed.
We got back after this fight two days after and she totally had me convinced we're back at loving each other doing the boyfriend and girlfriend, the whole nine yards. Her friends that she has known for only four weeks, obviously hate me. She told me she doesn't care.
NOW, today she leaves to hang out with them telling me she loves me and nothing will ever come between us. Just now, she has called me up and wants some time to herself, a break apart because she is confused and needs this to happen....
I am guessing Brian spent time with her and talked her out of this decision, how should I go about this?

You lost her when you left the group of friends. You just gave up your space. Now, her head is being turned around by somebody else instead of you. She's pretty fickle, and it sounds like you could work on being aware of your emotions. This is puppy love.

talaniman · Jul 12, 2009, 10:18 PM

You left Red Riding Hood to the wolves? No wonder she dumped you. That's her revenge for your actions. Bet it didn't take much convincing either. Back off dude!

chuff · Jul 13, 2009, 12:25 AM

I have to agree with Tao and Tal. For a four year relationship you two act like teenagers with no boundaries and no understanding of one another or yourselves. You also let her control every aspect of this situation, and the moment you found out she kissed Brian it should have been you dumping her and demanding her to come back to you a changed person. Instead you just let her continue to excalate the situation and control you.

jmw0713 · Jul 13, 2009, 07:23 AM

You guys didn't know how to communicate. As a result the relationship went south.

I've been there. Realize your mistake, correct it, and use what you have learned to make the relationship with the next girl better.

I wish · Jul 13, 2009, 07:33 AM

If she can so easily be swayed away, then you two didn't have a strong relationship in the first place. If she really cared about you, she wouldn't have had a change of heart in 1 night.

It's time to move on with your life. She didn't love you as much as she says she did. She only did a good job at convincing you and you bought it. Don't let her fool you anymore.

jmooney527 · Jul 13, 2009, 07:39 AM

She isn't confused, she's exploring her options. My suggestion would be to end things (if you are in that "break" stage) and don't talk to her anymore PERIOD. She doesn't sound like a good person to be so easily swayed AND to be making out with other guys (and perhaps more).

She doesn't deserve your time or effort regardless. Start NC. Best of luck!

rosebud135 · Jul 14, 2009, 12:27 AM

You should just leave her alone. If she thinks you don't want her she should come cralwing back. Especially if she has only known Brian for a month. When she talks to you act like you don't care but also don't be a jerk either. Good luck.

makapuu · Jul 14, 2009, 02:55 AM

It seems like she has a pretty good thing going. She's had you for 2 years, she can flirt and kiss other guys, break up with you, come back to you and then do it all again.
What do you have going? A girl that wants to be your girlfriend when there's no other cute flirty guys around.

inertia · Jul 14, 2009, 06:42 AM

Why is it puppy love? Don't make this guy blame himself too much. He'll realize in time that he had weaker boundaries than he should have, but this girl is trouble regardless. When people say "nothing can come between us" , but they don't mean it, they have a screw loose. I think puppy love is when they don't have to say or promise anything and you create reasons for them. I don't see evidence of that in his post.

Here is the confusing part. He trusted her (they were in a relationship), she had a lot of guy friends (probably her whole life) and he accepted it. Now people tell him he was a fool. If he was different and she was posting about how her boyfriend didn't trust her and was insecure about her guy friends, people would tell her he's got to go. If he started hanging out with girls, he would be playing games.

Insecure or not, if a girl has a lot of guy friends, run away. They can't be trusted for this very reason. I played things a bit harder with a girl than him and it worked for a while. I told her if she wanted to keep all of her guy friends around then they could take her out and save me the money. After a year and a half, she started resenting me for having "no friends". When we broke up, she hooked up with one immediately.

I just don't see a remedy in these situations.

jmw0713 · Jul 14, 2009, 07:00 AM

The only remedy is trust. However, if that trust is violated, like in this situation, then it's time to go. It's that simple.

My ex had a lot of guy friends. The way I got around that was to meet every single one of them, hang out, gain their respect, and befriend them. I never had a problem with any of them, except one. He caused a lot of stress in our relationship and that was where our communication issues arose. This lead to trust issues which lead was a contributing factor to the situation I'm in now.

My point is, girls are going to have guy friends. As guys, we know the most common reason why guys befriend girls and it's not to hang out and have movie night!

So it's up to you, as the BF, to be really good friends with her guy friends. If your girl goes out and fools around with them...she wasn't worth keeping in the first place!

inertia · Jul 14, 2009, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by jmw0713

The only remedy is trust. However, if that trust is violated, like in this situation, then it's time to go. It's that simple.

My ex had a lot of guy friends. The way I got around that was to meet every single one of them, hang out, gain their respect, and befriend them. I never had a problem with any of them, except one. He caused a lot of stress in our relationship and that was where our communication issues arose. This lead to trust issues which lead was a contributing factor to the situation I'm in now.

My point is, girls are going to have guy friends. As guys, we know the most common reason why guys befriend girls and it's not to hang out and have movie night!

So it's up to you, as the BF, to be really good friends with her guy friends. If your girl goes out and fools around with them...she wasn't worth keeping in the first place!

No way!! You don't go around befriending a bunch of dudes that secretly want you to fail. You make them seek out your friendship and acceptance. I would never empower them like that.

inertia · Jul 14, 2009, 07:10 AM

I made friends with some "guy friends". They even remained my friends after the break up, but I didn't even meet half of them. I had no interest. Let them wonder about you, not the other way around.

inertia · Jul 14, 2009, 07:13 AM

"My point is, girls are going to have guy friends. As guys, we know the most common reason why guys befriend girls and it's not to hang out and have movie night!"

And girls don't keep guy friends around for movie night either, don't place all of the blame on the dudes.

inertia · Jul 14, 2009, 07:19 AM

There are some guys that really aren't interested in your girl. Those are the ones you can be friends with. Not the weasel-snakes though.

jmw0713 · Jul 14, 2009, 07:28 AM

Everyone has their own way to handle situations like this.

The mature thing to do is to not tell someone who they can and can't hang around with. That would be like dating one of your parents.

Who wants that??

I know you wouldn't want to date someone that acts like your mother. You can't force anyone to do anything. When you do that and it doesn't happen, you become the jealous, angry, and controlling BF.

That is why you need to be able to communicate with your SO, so you can establish the trust and let them live their life without you trying to control it.

Anything can and will work with communication and trust.

inertia · Jul 14, 2009, 07:29 AM

Oh BINX4, are you ugly? As I said there are some legitimate platonic relationships, but most guys (90%) are opportunists. Given the chance, they would console you during a fight with your boyfriend in any capacity you would allow.

binx44 · Jul 14, 2009, 07:30 AM

OK that was a little un called for. I'm not ugly... nor am I being ugly I was just stating that NOT all MEN are like that... that's all.. calm your jets.

I just wanted the op to know that not all men were like that and there are some (more then you would think) that respect a woman's friendship and would never cross boundries...

jmooney527 · Jul 14, 2009, 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by inertia

Oh BINX4, are you ugly?? As I said there are some legitimate platonic relationships, but most guys (90%) are opportunists. Given the chance, they would console you during a fight with your boyfriend in any capacity you would allow.

Take it easy.. geez.

jmw0713 · Jul 14, 2009, 07:35 AM

You make them seek out your friendship and acceptance. I would never empower them like that.

Why so you come off at being a jerk, so they can bad mouth you behind your back?

No. It's best to make friends in a situation like this, so they learn to respect you, not dislike you.

I made friends with some "guy friends". They even remained my friends after the break up, but I didn't even meet half of them. I had no interest. Let them wonder about you, not the other way around.

That is why these guys have the opportunity. You don't wonder about them. If your friends with them, there is no need to wonder because you will all hang out together. That is why I'm ALWAYS interested in meeting all of a girls friends (guys and girls).

If you do that, you are going to be the absentee BF that these guys love. I know you have friends that are female that you like. When her BF is around, do you act the same way with that girl when she is alone and out with you. Not exactly. It's best to get along with people and have fun.

There are some guys that really aren't interested in your girl. Those are the ones you can be friends with. Not the weasel-snakes though

That is true and that is where communication and trust come into play. Like I said in my first post in the thread, with out that, your relationship goes south.

It takes two to tango bro.