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Marfar10 · Jul 12, 2009, 12:05 PM

I have been going through the court system since sept. 08 to get a "parenting plan"and relocate to my home town. I have not had any luck with getting help or any advice that was worth hearing. My sons father has a long record to include DV on me and an officer of the law. I was granted a permanent restraining order against him for me and my son. I moved out of state with my son for over a year. I made the mistake like many other women and believed the lies he dished and moved back to FL. It didn't take long to realize he meant nothing of what he said. We did not have any visitation/ custody set through the court. We were never married. He refused to pay court ordered child support and did not care to help me. We shared visitation off and on. When I filed the papers in September things got worse. He purposely went 3 months without contacting or seeing our son and that included Christmas. I could go on for days about the ridiculous things I have had to deal with this man. So.. we finally got a court date with a magistrate because I was requesting an emergency hearing because I had no job no money and no family here and have legitimate job offers in my home town. With all that said, this magistrate knowing the background and that my child is 4 years of age granted 50/50 custody a week and a week. THIS IS A MOCKERY BELIEVE THAT. It doesn't end there. During the weeks of the Fathers visitation the new wife is bringing my son to school and picking him up and he is only spending time with her. She then proceeds to start referring to my child as her son and demanding daily reports from the school for herself and this has been continuous. I find another attorney to file an objection to the magistrates recommended order which is to be filed within 15 days. It gets filed on the 16th day!! So her order gets finalized!! Since this I have lost my vehicle and can barely support my child or myself. The attorney filed a motion to modify and they answered within a week with a motion to dismiss. AM I LIVING IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE? I need some advice please! What happens next. I am being left in the dark and not properly communicated with by my attorney.

Thank you

N0help4u · Jul 12, 2009, 12:18 PM

Unfortunately going through family court IS the twilight zone for many people. They say they do everything for 'the best interest of the children' but I have heard so many stories like yours where they put the child with a father who is an out and out deviant or worse.
All you can do is keep a record of everything you can use against him with times and dates.
If you get a good list of neglect and abuse then you might be able to go back and fight it.
Unfortunately the girlfriend being the only one caring for him when he is at dads is not really considered neglect in the eyes of the court.

Marfar10 · Jul 12, 2009, 12:38 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Unfortunately going thru family court IS the twilight zone for many people. They say they do everything for 'the best interest of the children' but I have heard so many stories like yours where they put the child with a father who is an out and out deviant or worse.
All you can do is keep a record of everything you can use against him with times and dates.
If you get a good list of neglect and abuse then you might be able to go back and fight it.
Unfortunately the gf being the only one caring for him when he is at dads is not really considered neglect in the eyes of the court.

That's the thing when we went to court I had pages of evidence and it got overlooked and ignored. I do understand that her taking over isn't neglect but it justs proves my case that he couldn't care less. It is her pushing this situation. It says no where in our paperwork that Im sharing custody with her.? My Fiancé who lives out of state in my home town has been supporting us for the last year and has known my son since he was 3 months old doesn't have the nerve of this woman who has only known my son for about a year and a half. I just don't understand how the court wouldn't set a parenting plan that is reasonable for both parties instead of making a parent choose between their child and being destitute and alone in the other parents world. Its basically like they are helping him control me and keep me from bettering my life.

N0help4u · Jul 12, 2009, 12:40 PM

I understand all too well unfortunately the system just doesn't get it.

Marfar10 · Jul 12, 2009, 12:45 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I understand all too well unfortunately the system just doesn't get it.

Indeed.

cdad · Jul 12, 2009, 05:00 PM

I understand your frustration but your going to have to focus better and get yourself through the bitterness. You might want to seek some counciling. The fact that his wife starts calling him my son is no surprise to anyone that has had to deal in the extended family rhelm. As far as evidence the courts have rules as to how its entered or its discarded. Part of the reason you might not be getting favor in the court room is because your bitterness is showing through. Also if your as close as you say to destitute then the courts within reason are going to keep placing him with your ex because he is not.

Maybe you need to rethink things.

Marfar10 · Jul 12, 2009, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

I understand your frustration but your going to have to focus better and get yourself through the bitterness. You might want to seek some counciling. The fact that his wife starts calling him my son is no surprise to anyone that has had to deal in the extended family rhelm. As far as evidence the courts have rules as to how its entered or its discarded. Part of the reason you might not be getting favor in the court room is because your bitterness is showing through. Also if your as close as you say to destitute then the courts within reason are going to keep placing him with your ex because he is not.

Maybe you need to rethink things.

I guess I never thought of it that way but Im truly not bitter. I was asking that we share custody and he spend holidays and the summer with his Dad. The father has done everything he can to emotionally dominate me so this has been a really hard road. But maybe you are right and I hope I haven't been coming across that way.

N0help4u · Jul 12, 2009, 05:32 PM

I know I wasn't bitter but it drove me over the edge of my sanity how they treated me in court and home visits. They made a mockery too. They refused to let me have my say, they burst out laughing and saying she has mental problems immediately after telling me I could have my say. I never got 5 words in.
Then they would lie and ridicule me to my kids. They even told my sons that I said that I never wanted them and they were a big mistake. I NEVER EVER said anything like that. I always was glad God blessed me with my 4 kids.

ScottGem · Jul 12, 2009, 05:58 PM

One thing you need to do is notify his school that no information is to be given to anyone except you or the father. Then ask the school to document any attempts to get information from them by anyone else.

Sounds to me like the new wife wants a family and this was a quick way to get one. She may be behind much of what has transpired.

Marfar10 · Jul 12, 2009, 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

One thing you need to do is notify his school that no information is to be given to anyone except you or the father. Then ask the school to document any attempts to get information from them by anyone else.

Sounds to me like the new wife wants a family and this was a quick way to get one. She may be behind much of what has transpired.

I couldn't agree more. The father never fought me before and she has no kids of her own. Even outside the courtroom she was doing all the demanding and tried to address my attorney saying she wants the custody to stay 50/50 and she will be filing and picking up all paperwork. When we went to mediation he was given Wed 4-8 and every other weekend. They would show up in two separate vehicles and she would take my son and go in the opposite direction of the father. In court they used her family as witnesses to the wonderful relationship my child has with her and the father and her family. I'M LIVING A NIGHTMARE. This woman is succeeding in pushing me to the side and being the "mommy".

N0help4u · Jul 12, 2009, 06:23 PM

I had a similar situation. My ex never wanted to bother with my kids and his new wife insisted that he did. She would buy cheap Christmas presents and have them over on very rare occasions and then they acted like they did the world and moved the moon and the stars for my kids. On the rare occasions that she bothered having my kids over they (ex and his wife) ended up beating each other up and calling me to come get them within an hour of them having them.
I know it is no picnic when you know what's best for your kids and others are lying.

ScottGem · Jul 12, 2009, 06:25 PM

Originally Posted by Marfar10

she will be filing and picking up all paperwork.

She has no legal standing and cannot file anything.hing has to be under the father's signature.

Marfar10 · Jul 12, 2009, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

She has no legal standing and cannot file anything.hing has to be under the father's signature.

That I do know.

Thank you

JudyKayTee · Jul 12, 2009, 06:57 PM

Originally Posted by Marfar10

I couldn't agree more. The father never fought me before and she has no kids of her own. Even outside the courtroom she was doing all the demanding and tried to address my attorney saying she wants the custody to stay 50/50 and she will be filing and picking up all paperwork. When we went to mediation he was given Wed 4-8 and every other weekend. They would show up in two separate vehicles and she would take my son and go in the opposite direction of the father. In court they used her family as witnesses to the wonderful relationship my child has with her and the father and her family. I'M LIVING A NIGHTMARE. This woman is succeeding in pushing me to the side and being the "mommy".

Is she a danger to your child?

Fr_Chuck · Jul 12, 2009, 07:11 PM

So he was a jerk during the original split up ?

He is stepping up to the plate and keeping the child 1/2 of the time.

I think it is great for a father to be part of the child's life, and more should. This is how it should be. I am sorry but it sounds like the judge ruled correctly and parents should split custody.

Is the ex working, if so, he can't always be there to pick up the child, is he ot home with the child every night. So the new girlfriend helps pick up the child

Sorry I see this as a good thing, not a bad thing

Marfar10 · Jul 12, 2009, 07:17 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

So he was a jerk during the orginal split up ?

He is stepping up to the plate and keeping the child 1/2 of the time.

I think it is great for a father to be part of the childs life, and more should. This is how it should be. I am sorry but it sounds like the judge ruled correctly and parents should split custody.

Is the ex working, if so, he can't always be there to pick up the child, is he ot home with the child every night. so the new girlfriend helps pick up the child

Sorry I see this as a good thing, not a bad thing

I don't know what he does. I think he should be a part of our sons life but I don't think it should only be on his terms and that I can't move out of state unless I leave our son in FL.

Marfar10 · Jul 12, 2009, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Is she a danger to your child?

Other than confusing him, no not that I know of.

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2009, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by Marfar10

Other than confusing him, no not that I know of.

Then I don't see that she's part of your discussion/Court action. I understand your frustration with this woman but this should be all about you and the father.

She's probably egging him on and she would certainly set MY teeth on edge but it would appear her behavior has nothing to do with your relocation/custody problem.

But you already know she's not part of the legal puzzle.

Marfar10 · Jul 13, 2009, 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Then I don't see that she's part of your discussion/Court action. I understand your frustration with this woman but this should be all about you and the father.

She's probably egging him on and she would certainly set MY teeth on edge but it would appear her behavior has nothing to do with your relocation/custody problem.

But you already know she's not part of the legal puzzle.

Right. I just really think she is making this harder. Im just at my wits end and hope that we can come to some kind of reasonable decision. I don't want to keep the father out of our sons life but I don't want to only have him on holidays and the summer. I have been the constant in his life. I was put through foster care and adopted when I was 6 so it would kill me to lose time with him.

JudyKayTee · Jul 13, 2009, 09:58 AM

Originally Posted by Marfar10

Right. I just really think she is making this harder. Im just at my wits end and hope that we can come to some kind of reasonable decision. I dont want to keep the father out of our sons life but I dont want to only have him on holidays and the summer. I have been the constant in his life. I was put throught foster care and adopted when I was 6 so it would kill me to lose time with him.

I do understand - I'm a stepmother. I never, ever tried to replace my stepchildren's mother in anyway. I was their father's wife, their stepmother, not their mother.

I never understand stepmothers who try to replace "mom." Never understand that.

Sorry to hear what you went through as a child and it makes it much easier to understand your concern and feelings -

I wish you well.