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jmooney527 · Jul 9, 2009, 10:56 AM

I was answering another post, and decided to start my own thread in this area... especially since this hits home as well.

To all of us that have been cheated on before... lies, deceit, the whole nine yards. What can you do to "heal" from this? Many of times we see in ourselves as well as others that after we get cheated on, we tend to bring this protective nature into our next relationship. And we know how damaging this "overprotective" nature can be, especially when the new relationship gives no indication of cheating/lies/deception.

I guess the question is, how can you rebuild after being cheated on so that you don't take that emotional scare into your next relationship? What are ways that you can self heal so that it doesn't negatively affect your next relationship?

Torrid13 · Jul 9, 2009, 11:02 AM

Well first, you have to let yourself heal almost completely before pursuing another relationship. Most people make the mistake of jumping into another relationship relatively soon after a break up, and since they're not over it, they carry those feelings of distrust with them.

Another thing a person has to realize is that not everyone is the same. There are good people and bad people in the world, and in our lives we will meet a mixture of both. You can't assume because one thing happened to you because of one person that it will happen again from another person.

It's give and take. You'll expect them to trust YOU, right? So you're going to have to learn to trust them. My advice would be to let them in little by little, so as you get to know them better you can determine more what kind of a person they are, and if a relationship with them is worth it.

Look for red flags, like lying and being mean, etc, but don't go into a relationship only looking for the bad. You have flaws. I have flaws. We all have flaws. People overlook them to love others. To love you.

So cut them some slack if they're not PERFECT, but also be aware when someone is taking advantage of you, or trying to.

Don't let fear run your life!

Good luck.

I wish · Jul 9, 2009, 12:58 PM

If you have been cheated on, you will build a few more layers to protect yourself from getting hurt again.

However, I think one of the most important aspect is to realize that no two people are the same. Every individual is a different person, so we should treat every person as such.

It's important to learn from the past, but also important to let go of the past. Past insecurities with a specific person only applies to that specific person.

When you meet a new person, you go in with some past experience (i.e. if we have been cheated on before) on how to handle yourself, but we should give the new person a clean slate. They are innocent until proven guilty, but they also need to earn our trust. With past experience (i.e. if we have been cheated on before), we will know what red flags to look out for IF THEY POP UP.

Most importantly, don't live in the past. Move forward in life.

slapshot_oi · Jul 9, 2009, 01:03 PM

I don't really know if you can heal from it, but you do move one and you can learn from it.

Post-cheating, if I'm not absolutely 100% sure about the person I'm with, I'll be the one to end the relationship/dating. I also know what the warning signs and redflags are ahead of time now.

Nucklehead22 · Jul 9, 2009, 05:12 PM

First, you probably shouldn't rush to get into another relationship, I have a female friend who did that and it just caused more trouble, as now she wants to break up with another guy. (really confusing to explain) But what I am saying is enjoy being single for awhile, and yeah you are definitely going to have trust issues and will be hesitant to get into another relationship... but if you are really in love with the next guy/girl it shouldn't be that much of a problem, you could be paranoid at times, but just remember not everybody is a cheater... only the morons who don't care about anyone but themselves :)

talaniman · Jul 9, 2009, 09:18 PM

Don't worry about getting a new relationship until the scars of the old on e have healed.

Take your time, and have fun getting to know someone really well, and don't be so in love, your blind to the obvious.

People who love themselves, and happy with themselves, tend not to fall for a lot of BS, and cope with whatever comes up rather well.

makapuu · Jul 9, 2009, 11:22 PM

I like open communication. Sometimes it hurts to express your past heartaches to a new love, but it helped me let go of some baggage that I didn't want hanging around.