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foreverpeace · Jul 9, 2009, 09:13 AM

And one more thing... he's not a "bad boy" he keeps his drug life very very personal. He just told me because he thought I should know. He got all good grades in school and its not like he's into crime or anything like that. Im just confused because I know this will just get worse and you guys are just saying "leave him" no like.. would you guys just leave someone like.. I don't know your sibling or your cousin or someone who is involved with drugs. No you wouldn't. Because you care for them. Im not just going to leave him, I can't do that... "ego stroking" no not all. All I need is some advice to get through this what I should do besides leaving.

spitvenom · Jul 9, 2009, 09:14 AM

I see what you are saying about not leaving someone you love. So have you tried to get him into a rehab?

foreverpeace · Jul 9, 2009, 09:14 AM

But its not like he sits around and does nothing all day?

jenniepepsi · Jul 9, 2009, 09:15 AM

If this is how you feel hon, then I have some new advise for you :)

You need to talk to him. Explain how his drugs are bothering you (they are obviously bothering you) let him know how you feel and how worried you are and any other emotions you are feeling because of this.

Ask him if he is willing to see a counselor, maybe getting into drug rehab.

Do whatever you can to support him, and help him lead a healthier life.

spitvenom · Jul 9, 2009, 09:17 AM

Yeah but what you don't realize is that it is only a matter of time before he does sit around all day doing nothing but heroin.

N0help4u · Jul 9, 2009, 09:18 AM

By 'bad boy' it means that he is not the image of the boy your mother would pick for you IF she knew everything about him.

The problem is that right now he is controlling the drug but quite often the drug over takes the one doing it and begins effecting everyone around him. You may think things are great with him now but you don't know 5 to 10 yrs down the road that he isn't going to turn into somebody you wish you never met because of the drugs.
You don't want to leave... so you don't jump into anything and get in over your head. You take it slow and don't let him persuade you into anything. You give it time and develop a good friendship until you can be sure that things aren't going to go downhill.

Sit there and watch him while he is doing his heroin or crack and THEN see how you feel about being with him even though he does drugs.

foreverpeace · Jul 9, 2009, 09:18 AM

I have talked to him and he quickly changes the subject. When we started talking again I asked him if he was still into drugs. He said " a little" and I told him how much I hated that and he just changed the subject.

spitvenom · Jul 9, 2009, 09:20 AM

And he changes the subject. Which means he has no intentions of stopping and doesn't care if it bothers you. And that's the truth!!

ZoeMarie · Jul 9, 2009, 09:20 AM

Amazon.com: The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star: Nikki Sixx: Books

This might be a good read for you

foreverpeace · Jul 9, 2009, 09:21 AM

Wow, your so right. This is the worst feelingggg, Because I want to believe he cares about me. But he probably doesn't at all. Ha sweet.

N0help4u · Jul 9, 2009, 09:22 AM

I hate drugs too and I never did them but I have had a few bfs that did drugs. I know it is a dead end thing to be in a relationship with someone who does drugs.
Fortunately I have always been against the idea of doing drugs and never ever could see myself doing them. But I have known girls who ended up on drugs because of their boyfriend and they had sworn they never wanted to do drugs.

inertia · Jul 9, 2009, 09:29 AM

I had a friend; straight A student, capt of everything, president of his class etc. I'm not lying. He was incredible, funny, smart, creative etc. Comes from a great home, great parents who love him. He had a lot of friends. A ton actually. He got into heroin in college. Everyone stood by him at first. Slowly by surely, people started cutting him out. The problem never went away. It got worse and worse. He had a girlfriend who talks much the same way you do about not abandoning him etc. He finally screwed up big time. Went to Jail for a year. JAIL, for a year. His GF stood by him. He swore he was clean after that. Not even 3 months after getting out... back into heroin. He stole, lied, cheated (and a lot of other things not fit to print). He wasn't a bad boy, he was an angel that got into heroin. It's been 10 years. He is still a heroin addict. The GF stood by him for 7 years and finally left. The only friends that have stuck with him, also abuse drugs. GOOD LUCK!!

spitvenom · Jul 9, 2009, 09:30 AM

It sucks not doubt about it. But you are young and have your whole life ahead of you to have good and bad relationships that don't involve drugs. I mean do you really want to walk in his house one day and find him OD dead on the floor. Or even worse if he gets you to start using.

inertia · Jul 9, 2009, 09:49 AM

I'm going to assume that you are smart enough to not use, but this will damage your potential future healthy relationships. The girl I know has blown through rebound guys trying to make up for lost time and trying to prove to herself and her ex that she is over it.

foreverpeace · Jul 9, 2009, 09:51 AM

Man you know a lot of people don't you

briancp34 · Jul 9, 2009, 09:53 AM

I read inertia's answer, and it's a good description, explanation and prediction of you scenario. I didn't read all the other pages of answers that have been offered, but there one thing that wasn't addressed in your question. You need to know that sex is just as addictive as any of those other examples. The ultimate personal outcome may be just as devastating. So take another look at the question you asked. When he get's together with you, it sounds like he is merely sharing one of his addictions with you. You also explained that your boundaries are weak. That's not to say that you are weak at all. You are though in a "tender and sensitive" point in your personal, intellectual, adolescent and easily persuaded development. Of course depending on the strength of his attachment to his addictions, he may break soon. But considering your interest in him, it's much more likely that you will break to his addictions first. I know you probably hear all that "tender, sensitive, intellectual" stuff all the time, but it's the truth. It sounds good that you REALLY don't like his other habits. Consider how you met up with him in the first place though. So you have to realize that he might already be using you. He might have a good head on his shoulders too. I can tell you though that that fades fast too.
I hope I've been helpful.

foreverpeace · Jul 9, 2009, 11:02 AM

Yes, thanks everyone.

JudyKayTee · Jul 11, 2009, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by briancp34

I read inertia's answer, and it's a good description, explanation and prediction of you scenario. I didn't read all the other pages of answers that have been offered, but there one thing that wasn't addressed in your question. You need to know that sex is just as addictive as any of those other examples. The ultimate personal outcome may be just as devastating. So take another look at the question you asked. When he get's together with you, it sounds like he is merely sharing one of his addictions with you. You also explained that your boundaries are weak. That's not to say that you are weak at all. You are though in a "tender and sensitive" point in your personal, intellectual, adolescent and easily persuaded development. Of course depending on the strength of his attachment to his addictions, he may break soon. But considering your interest in him, it's much more likely that you will break to his addictions first. I know you probably hear all that "tender, sensitive, intellectual" stuff all the time, but it's the truth. It sounds good that you REALLY don't like his other habits. Consider how you met up with him in the first place though. So you have to realize that he might already be using you. He might have a good head on his shoulders too. I can tell you though that that fades fast too.
I hope I've been helpful.

Good advice and I realize that you are new to AMHD but when you don't read what has gone on before you often miss additional information and repeat the same answers someone else gave.

HelpinHere · Jul 12, 2009, 07:02 PM

Hmm... I have really nothing to add, except LISTEN to what EVERYONE has told you. You came here looking for help. These people told you the BEST thing you can do. LISTEN to THEM before it is too late. You KNOW that you need to, or else you wouldn't have ASKED, and you wouldn't READ it all.

Get yourself away from him, and maybe get a professional to help him, but as long as he is in that self destructive lifestyle, he will only drag you down with him.

N0help4u · Jul 12, 2009, 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by foreverpeace

He just graduated highschool bud. He starts college this year, im 16 if i want to its not rape.

What state do you live in? I hope it isn't California or some other states.