[aec]

I've been working with this guy for about 1 and a half years now, when I met him he had a girlfriend of about 6months and I was also with someone who I split with 6months ago. We became really good friends and there was always a huge amount of chemistry between us, we are very similar and really make each other laugh, our feelings started to get stronger for each other and although we never done anything you could feel the tension growing between us. Then we started texting nothing wrong just gen chit chat but all the time.he then admitted he couldn't stop thinking about me and didn't know if he wanted to be with his girlfriend anymore but he did still love her, I told him to stay with her if he loved her, but it just got more and more intense and he finely made the decision he wanted me. Its three weeks down the line we haven't seen each other hardly at all since he finished with her because he can't cope with what he has done to her, he says he misses her and didn't know how much he loved her until now but he still has very strong feelings for me?I told him if he loves her he should be with her, but he says he is so confused as to why if he loves her did he fall for me?please help I don't know what to do and I'm going out of my mind!

[makapuu]

You had chemistry for your co-worker and you broke up with your boyfriend. Your co-worker didn't break up with his girlfriend until 6 months later, and when he does, he also disappears from your life.

I would say that he is re-evaluating his options.

[redhed35]

Try and step back from this for a minute.. lets just say he comes to you as he is now,full of guilt,just out of a relationship,unsure of how he feels.. is that the guy you want?
Is this the way you want to start a new relationship?
Give him lots ,and I mean lots of space,don't be his shoulder to cry on,don't end up being his rebound.
Let him get over this.
If he still wants you after a few months,yes I said months! Then fire away.
If you get envolved now its going to be messy,and a big possibility of you getting your heart broke.

[I wish]

Here's the chronology of events:

1) He was having problems with his girlfriend.

2) He meets you and sees that you MIGHT be better suited for him.

3)a) He's insecure, because he feels that he has a good thing going on with his girlfriend, but isn't sure if the grass is greener on the other side. So he's too honest with you by telling you that he has feelings for both of you.

3)b) He's also unsure if feel the same way about him, because you tell him that if he still cares about his girlfriend, he should be with her.

4) Because you didn't give him a confirmation that the two of you should be together, he goes back to his girlfriend, thinking he already has a good thing with her.

5) But since he never crossed the line, he's still wondering if the grass is in fact greener on the other side.

His problem is that, he's very insecure about himself and doesn't know what he wants. He's hanging on to his girlfriend because he doesn't know if there's something better out there.

As for you, even if he does choose you over his girlfriend, who's to say he won't find a third girl and wonder if the grass is even greener on a third or fourth side. So the trust is already shaken before you even start dating.

Do yourself a favor and leave him alone. If he really liked you, he would have broken up with his girlfriend, spent some time to recover and then pursued with you without so much hesitation.

[Michele2009]

I've been in a similar situation before and my answer is it is too much drama. I would get out of this, heal and move on. You will meet someone else.

[anewday]

He was possibly using you as an emotional crutch during the break up with his girlfriend. Maybe he thought that the grass was greener? Maybe it is?

All you can really do is give him the time to come out of his confusion, then when he does start making positive contact towards you again, tell him how you feel, then ask him how he feels.