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Nessa0802 · Jul 7, 2009, 06:36 PM

Okay, Ive never used a site like this before so bare with me people. Iam soon to be 23 and I have a 3 month old daughter with my husband. My husband and I have been married since Oct 31 2007 and it has been a very long hard marriage already! First he is an alcoholic, second when he gets beyond drunk we fight with fists and words. Third he lies about drinking, he makes excuses to drink and he says he'll never quit drinking. I love him, I have always loved him, he was my first boyfriend when I was 12 and at 14 we lost track of each other for 6yrs. When we found each other again we got married after 2 months and the first four months were really good but filled with drugs. Now that we have our daughter Im ready to slow down but he isn't. Id leave but I have no job, no car, no license, no place to go. Iam an online student and no were, where I can go won't have the internet. I don't want to drop out, especially over this guy. I just don't know were to start, I keep telling him I can't do it anymore, hell stay sober for 2 days, then starts up again. He don't want help, or marriage counseling. I love him so much, we can talk for hours when he is sober, we get along so well, I love our moments together when he isn't drinking. And I feel the brokenness in my chest when I think about losing him. I don't know how to begin this process. I know I must go because of the safety of my daughter but I do not know were to begin. The 4th of July he got so drunk he pinned me to the floor and punched my legs, I got up and punched him in the face. I told him I was leaving and then he prevented me from leaving (my mother in-law was going to take me to my moms house because we live with her for now until the people move out of our trailer we got) He hasn't worked since the month we got married. Sorry there is a lot to say and no one to say it too. My mother is tired of hearing it, my one and only friend thinks I can just up and leave, and I myself is tired of talking about it. I am lost, I am afraid of shelter, and I don't want to drop out of school even though I am barely passing. HELP!!

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2009, 06:41 PM

Try starting with a women's shelter or the Salvation Army.
I am sure they can help you with a computer for your school too if you go through with getting help from them. Also public libraries have computers but limit your time. If you explain your situation they may make an exception on that though.

Nessa0802 · Jul 7, 2009, 06:44 PM

I have computer just need the net and I'm scared of shelter. My one friend (that I don't know anymore) got separated from her three kids because there wasn't enough room for them in the shelter

Nessa0802 · Jul 7, 2009, 06:47 PM

I even got myself on Zoloft because of the stress. I have no idea if it working because it seems everything still sucks.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 7, 2009, 06:50 PM

You just get out, sorry "I know one person" I know 12 that died driving a car, that does not stop me from driving.

You don't know what will happen unless you go find out. Most areas have family shelfters, if not go to one that does.

The issue is, you should have left after a month ( well to be honest you should never have gotten with someone who is like that.

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2009, 06:52 PM

Yes you need to go and get the help you need to get out. I know one kid that got killed by domestic violence because the mother stayed.

I really don't think you want anybody you know to be saying that one day.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 7, 2009, 06:53 PM

You can not cure stress with a pill. There is no magic pill for that.

You need to get individual counseling for yourself. You need to lay it all out and they will be able to help you get your life on track but you need to be willing to make changes for yourself.

The only way to get into a better situation is stop making excuses and just do it. You have to do it for yourself and your child.

Time to go to a shelter. Check around, get your counseling you very much need.

The only way this is going to change is if you put in an effort to make the change for yourself.

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2009, 06:55 PM

Mc Donalds, Starbucks, many malls and other public places have wii fi connections so you can use their internet.

Nessa0802 · Jul 7, 2009, 06:55 PM

No I don't want any harm to come to her. I protected her this time around even when he was trying to take her away from me (she was in her car seat) He still tried to stop me from leaving and I have homework due everyday. If I go one day my grade drops and I am almost failing as is.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 7, 2009, 07:00 PM

What is more important. Your grade or your life and your baby life. Come on, get your priorities straight. Seek out the counseling and get to a shelter.

Your just continuing to make excuses.

N0help4u · Jul 7, 2009, 07:06 PM

You should be able to get the police to escort you out if he is refusing to let you leave.
Just tell them you need to leave and you don't know how bad he is capable of reacting.

Jake2008 · Jul 7, 2009, 10:26 PM

So, from what I've read, you decided to slow down on the drugs, after you had your daughter. Are you still using? Was your alcoholic husband an alcoholic before you decided to bring a baby into this world? Does he also use drugs? He is also unemployed, and does what all day?

You have been married for less than two years, and you attack him, he attacks you, you both 'do the dance' so to speak. Verbally abusive to each other as well.

The best times were when you were both using as you said.

I have to ask you why you don't take steps to help yourself, and to help your baby daughter. Do you realize that anything and anywhere is a better place than where you are now. Your daughter needs you to step up, get a grip, and take care of business here.

Whining about your sorry predicament and lamenting about how much you love him, will not result in a healthy, nurturing, safe environment for you and your baby. It is one thing for you to decide to stay with him, but that choice was taken away when you had your daughter. You have to think of her first now.

If you are not prepared to leave him, then please seek out a relative to take care of the baby. While you may wish to hold onto a relationship between drinking bouts and violent arguments, more power to you.

But if you do, your daughter needs protection from not only your husband, but from you as well.