[doodie]

This is an opinionated question. There are so many posts about porn and how women are insecure about it. The insecurity increases when the couple moves in together because one of the partners sneaks porn in whenever he can and/or looks at the history constantly to make sure their other half was not looking at porn... which in the end is uppsetting anyway because they find out that while they were sleeping, their significant other was masterbating.
So my question is How do you avoid ever running into these situations from the start of common law? Moving in is supposted to be an amazing, fun-filling experience with growing love and excitemenet every day. It hurts to read that some women spend 10 years with this situation. Apart from not being nosey with the computer, realistically is there something else?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Who cares? If it's not interfering with your sex life or relationship, why does it matter? If they're not looking at illegal porn or bestiality, why are you offended? ((Not YOU specifically). My boyfriend has porn. It really doesn't bother me. I'd rather him enjoy his alone time alone than to be cheating on me. He needs his personal time, and I do mine.

[MsEmily]

I have to agree here. Whether he's spending his time for himself masturbating to porn or playing video games or watching sports on television, what does it really matter? As long as he's still there for you in all ways, including sexually, no harm no foul. And besides, it gives you time to pleasure yourself in your own ways. :)

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I have to agree here. Whether he's spending his time for himself masturbating to porn or playing video games or watching sports on television, what does it really matter? As long as he's still there for you in all ways, including sexually, no harm no foul. And besides, it gives you time to pleasure yourself in your own ways. :)

Yeah, like reading a book without anyone bothering you!! :p

[mudweiser]

I agree with the above.

If it's not causing problems in your relationship then there is no use fussing.

If anything ASK your mate how they feel about it; if porn is more important then leave the relationship. Simple as that. Some women dislike porn because they are insecure and some dislike it for religious reasons or it's simply the fact that they want to be the ones to please "their" man.

If you won't change your porn loving ways what makes you think she'll change her porn hating ways? It's better to break off the relationship before it gets any further than to fight for the rest of your relationship.

You could do the counseling thing too, but in my opinion your better off finding someone else that has the same values as yourself.

I do see porn becoming a problem if the person is no longer being intimate with their mate or spends more time watching it than following action with their partner.

Well that's just my two cents.

Good luck.

Sarah

[Gemini54]

What Sarah says is spot on - it's about having similar values and communicating right from the start.

But it's also about understanding that between couples there may be differing sexual needs at differing times - which don't always get satisfied. This is where masturbation, sex toys and porn come into the picture.

I don't think it's sustainable to have a relationship where one partner spies on the other's internet or porn viewing activities. However, neither is it sustainable to have one partner who substitutes porn for sexual activity that excludes the other.

There has to be trust, and an understanding that within reasonable limits these activities are understood and tolerated. Of course, what is 'reasonable' will differ according to each couple.

[megamanhood]

Porn is a personal choice and perhaps a hobby to some. Why bother?

[shazamataz]

My partner looks at porn all the time without me... does it bother me?
Not at all, as long as he saves any good videos he finds :D

Masturbating without me is a different issue, we have not been able to have sex until recently due to a medical issue (2 years without!) so masturbation was not a problem at all, I encouraged him to do it to relieve 'tension'
Now that we are 'back at it' I don't encourage him to do it but I certainly don't get offended or upset if he does.

Doing it next to me in bed while I am asleep I would probably frown upon but I know he wouldn't do it anyway so there's no issue there.

[smoothy]

Want to never have this problem... Its simple.

Get over it. THere are people fighting with life long crippling illnesses, disabilities, things they have no control over. And yet some people choose to get their panties in a knot over a little porn. I believe those people if porn didn't exist would be picking something else to obsess over and slowly destroy any relationship they might find themselves in.

Most of these people would be better served to review their OWN behaviour and their OWN faults, and work at resolving them rather than projecting their deficiencies upon others.

In simple terms. Nobody is perfect. Before launching a crusade about any other adults legal and chosen diversion, get ones own house in order.

Keep this perspective in mind.. before you choose to micromanage someone else's life, how would you like your own life being micro-managed by someone else with their own agenda.

[ZoeMarie]

I have no problem with porn. My husband only has a few movies and we'll watch them together sometimes. I don't think I would even care if he watched them without me. Who knows? Maybe he does. Lol.

The only thing time it would bother me is if our relationship was suffering because of it.

[Synnen]

How do you stop the problems?

You TALK about it before you ever GET to problems.

I find that most issues in a relationship can be solved if you communicate BEFORE there is an issue.

[makapuu]

My boyfriend shares his porn magazines with me. We have a really good sex life, but can't resist the added stimulation. I like to read the stories to him in cowgirl position. I don't feel insecure at all. My breast are real, and my boyfriend had his share of scary breast implants that had a life of their own during sex.

[anymouse]

Porn is great for all those nights when she says she has a headache

[excon]

Hello d:

Well, I think you got your answer. It has NOTHING to do with PORN, and everything to do with what kind of relationship you have.

excon

[redhed35]

I don't mind porn,in fact we had a little talk about it last night.

excon summed it up nicely.
Communication,honesty and an open and frank conversation will avoid most issues dealing with porn.

[Ren6]

I'm with the other posters, but I'll add this... if one's partner is able to function sexually, and to a level that the other partner finds acceptable, their looking at porn should be a non-event. Porn is a normal thing. Some people are porn addicted, to the point that they are unable to have a sexual relationship with a "real" person. In that case, there is a problem. Otherwise, don't sweat the small stuff.

[N0help4u]

What is just plain wrong is when they don't tell you before you move in together. They lie about it and then you find out later when you wonder why they aren't in bed at 2 am and on the computer.

Some guys can look at porn and not be all over it to the point you want to gag. So I think that makes a difference too.
One has a healthy relationship and the other tends to have more of a dysfunctional relationship

[Catsmine]

My wife is more irritated by the time I spend on a message board than time spent on porn.

[smoothy]

My wife is more irritated by the time I spend on a message board than time spent on porn.

Ha ha... Yours isn't the only one... I can watch all the porn I want, but she gets upset if I talk to other people she doesn't know personally.

[mylukup]

You should realize you don't need a girlfriend, you have your friend and his name is Mr. Hand. She's crazy for staying with you if SHE feels it's a problem, which it probably is. It's kind of an addiction. If not then try to stop and see what happens. If I'm correct then any addiction is a problem. It's like a person with an eating problem who "sneaks" to either throw up or eat a whole tub of ice cream. For most guys, it's an addiction. Deal with it.

My husband masturbates sometimes and this turns me on though he usually doesn't turn me on otherwise. Personally, I used to masturbate starting at 9 and it did get to a point where I just had to realize it was a problem. But because I'm a female, I believe stopping is a lot easier... haven't done it since... last week. Hah! Hah! No, seriously I haven't done it since 95. Just test yourself and don't give me that, "i can stop if i want to" OR "i shouldn't have to stop to prove anything". That would be such an addict's statement.