[momof3tikes]

The father of my 2 youngest children currently only sees them 4 days a month... they seem to impose on his lifestyle. He is always trying to get me to pick them up early or drop them off later (which I willing do because I miss them dearly). We currently have no court order in place I was trying to keep things peaceful. We also came to an agreeance of 100 dollars a week for child support ( the kids are ages 2 and 10 months). Lately, he has been making my life horrible... texting me and calling me... using the children against me, not paying support (because he does not think I deserve it), telling me I'm the scum of the earth and the worst mother out there. Am I perfect mom? I don't think anyone is but I try my hardest. Im a college student (trying to get my nursing degree) and working part time. I have met a wonderful man who has moved in with me and the children and honestly takes care of them (providing the food, formula, diapers, sports, etc) and does everything with them. He completes our family. With him I basically work to pay for the children's babysitter ($100 a week). He would like me to take my ex to court for sole custody and for child support. I am honestly scared to do that because I do not know what stunts my ex might pull... We are in PA... does anyone have any advice or have possibly been through the same thing? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

[s_cianci]

You can take him to court for sole custody. But if he's continuing to see them on a regular basis, even if it's only 4 times a month, that'll be hard to do. You should certainly sue him for child support and should have done so from the get-go. Agreeing to it verbally was a bad move as I'm sure you now see for yourself. Most likely the judge will set a child support amount, order the payment of arrearages from the date he stopped paying you on a regular basis (he'll have to prove what he's paid you so far) and order visitation to continue as has been. You'll have primary physical custody and the two of you will share joint legal custody. That's how I see it playing out.

[rookie231]

Take the emotions out of the situation and file for court ordered support based on his income. If he doesn't pay, then he has to deal with the legal system, not just berate you. You are entitled to support regardless of his opinion.

You can't force him to see his children, but sole will be hard to get.

Your new man living with you may hurt your case depending on the judge, AND he needs to stay way away of the custody case, as he has no rights nor right to be involved in the case, and can become a bigger problem for you.

[twinkiedooter]

Get something in writing. Are you divorced or never married? Either way he still has to pay child support. Go down to the Child Support Enforcement Agency in person and speak to them about getting an Order for him to pay a percentage of his income. Your new boyfriend living with you (even if you were married) has nothing to do with the father of the children paying child support. This will not "hurt" your case in trying to collect from the father. The sooner you go down and talk to them, the sooner you can stop taking the father's abuse and get your money. If you want to be sure to get your monthly or weekly money have him pay the Child Support Agency instead of you directly then there is no squabble of did he pay or didn't he pay. Sure, it costs the father a few extra bucks each month for the paperwork handling fee, but in the end it's well worth the hassle you don't have and makes him pay more attention to his financial obligations knowing he can't tap dance the Child Support folks as easily as he can you.

[rookie231]

I was referring to her case for sole custody. In Pennsylvania, unmarried cohabitation is ONE of the factors that can impact who gets how much custody.

[WayTooMuch]

I not sure about this, but I've heard that in PA, a dual custody is automatic granted unless you prove that the father is absolutely wrong for the children (ie murderer, drug dealer, or a child rapist, etc.)

Either way, even if you can't get custody, I would still take the father to court for support. At the end, it'll be your fault if you don't get money because you simply didn't take him to court! Don't be scared or stupid, just do what's rightful yours!

Good luck

[Fr_Chuck]

Not being married will not have much effect on custody, that is a issue the couple needs to fight out ( or work out) standard visit is about 4 days a month ( every other weekend) for many areas.

But you need to get it in writing, because without it , there is nothing you can do.