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helpmeout58 · Jul 4, 2009, 12:03 AM

I need help, some one to talk to... my girlfriend and I broke up and I'm not able to get over it. I haven't talked to her in four days and I want to very bad, but cant. Im so depressed that I think in ways that are not healthy... If you can help me, please do I am hurting more than ever

Wondergirl · Jul 4, 2009, 12:04 AM

What have you done to move forward?

Our member, ISneezeFunny, went through exactly what you are going through, and he wrote about it on this site. For weeks and even months we followed his story. I think he should turn it into a how-to book. Here is the thread:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...161688-48.html

Sneezy found out that going to the gym every day or as often as possible was one of the biggest helps to get through his anger and upset and grief.

helpmeout58 · Jul 4, 2009, 12:11 AM

I don't know what to do. I try to go out with friends, but all I do is think about her and wonder why she hasn't reached out to me yet. She was the one that approached me and now says that she's not ready for all this... im so confused and down

Wondergirl · Jul 4, 2009, 12:13 AM

Read that thread I posted. It will keep you busy for a while and even give you a few laughs.

Can you work out somewhere, maybe at a gym? Are you in school? Do you work?

Wondergirl · Jul 4, 2009, 12:19 AM

Being miserable is a choice. You don't have to choose to be that way. Stay busy with work or school or get a volunteer job at a hospital or library or nursing home. And please read Sneezy's long thread about his own breakup. You will see how someone else survived.

It's almost 2:30 a.m. here, and I am going to bed. I'll check back with you when I get up in the morning.

helpmeout58 · Jul 4, 2009, 12:25 AM

Yea work out... off schoool for the summer one more year of undergrad and then to med school... I try to stay busy but think that there is something about me that promotes fear, insecurity, and depression. I feel that my deelings are so strong I'm afriad of losing them and being lonely again

Wondergirl · Jul 4, 2009, 12:28 AM

Originally Posted by helpmeout58

yea work out... off of schoool for the summer one more year of undergrad and then to med school......i try to stay busy but think that there is something about me that promotes fear, insecurity, and depression. I feel that my deelings are so strong im afriad of loosing them and being lonely again

Sneezy was headed toward med school too when his girl dumped him. Sounds like you two have a lot in common, so please please read that thread.

There is NOTHING about you that promotes fear, insecurity, and depression. Stop blaming yourself and being a martyr. It's HER problem, not yours.

jasmine24 · Jul 4, 2009, 12:28 AM

Move on by keeping yourself busy.. hang out with your friends just to have fun.you don't have to talk to someone else (female's) to have fun while your w/ your friend it only makes you think about her more...

Wondergirl · Jul 4, 2009, 12:30 AM

Originally Posted by jasmine24

move on by keeping your self busy.. hang out with your friends just to have fun.you don't have to talk to someone else (female's) to have fun while ur w/ ur friend it only makes u think about her more.........

I totally disagree. He should make a point to talk with lots of females and find out that they are actually nice people and trustworthy and kind. Do not avoid females!!

helpmeout58 · Jul 4, 2009, 12:34 AM

Thank you, I am just feeling very down and not worthy of going on right now. My feelings are so strong and I feel like I have been dumped on and forgotton about.

Wondergirl · Jul 4, 2009, 12:38 AM

Originally Posted by helpmeout58

Thank you, i am just feeling very down and not worthy of going on right now. My feelings are so strong and i feel like i have been dumped on and forgotton about.

Well, stop it!! Read Sneezy's thread from beginning to end. Just read his entries and you will get the gist of it without all the side comments from other posters.

It's been only a few days. Don't add to the problem by being down on yourself. This too will pass (IF you let it). Don't wallow in it.

Wondergirl · Jul 4, 2009, 12:40 AM

Is there a girl you would be willing to take out for lunch or coffee or to the zoo? It's like riding a bicycle and falling off -- get back on again as soon as possible.

Aoife_C · Jul 4, 2009, 03:00 PM

Hello,

I can TOTALLY relate with you. It feels like you will never ever find anyone as good as that person and the minute ye break up you feel like it was such a bad mistake. Talking from my experience though I think it was more a cause of Loneliness. My boyfriend was from Italy (I'm from Irteland) so when he had to go back to italy I lost a part of me. I got over with it and I met another guy but right now, thinking about it I cry I miss him SOOOO much. We talk and I know he feels the same so all I'm saying is, Take a breather and see is it the loneliness or true feelings for her and if she feels the same, get back together. There is nothing worse than no being with the one you love. As for the unhealthy feelings, I think a lot of people have gone through them, I just hope that you can get past them and look forward to hopefully one day where you find someone that will make you the happiest man alive ;)

helpmeout58 · Jul 5, 2009, 04:24 PM

I know I have a lot of feelings for her, but do think the lonely part could contribute to the way I feel. How do you know if its loneliness or feelings. I go out and try to meet new women, get my mind off her and try to move on, but I just am not 100% there; I'm not 100% interested, happy, and just not myself in general if you know what I mean.

Wondergirl · Jul 5, 2009, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by helpmeout58

I know i have a lot of feelings for her, but do think the lonely part could contribute to the way i feel. How do you know if its lonelyness or feelings. I go out and try to meet new women, get my mind off her and try to move on, but i just am not 100% there; im not 100% interested, happy, and just not my self in general if you know what i mean.

Loneliness IS a feeling. I don't understand what you are saying.

Give yourself time. This doesn't happen overnight.

halflife1820 · Jul 5, 2009, 04:44 PM

I can absolutely relate to you (along with most of the world!) Trust me you are not alone. Around the end of last year my wife (ex-wife now) put me through hell by seeing other guys behind my back and lying to me constantly. It hurt like hell! I was extremely depressed for months and on many occasions considered ending my life. Its hard you put your love and feelings in someone else's hands and you expect the same. Yea it hurts its going to hurt its natural and almost everyone goes theu heartbreak. What you have to realize is tomorrow will always come and today is not the end (even though it feels that way sometimes) One way I got through it was I went one a week vacation, pretty much go somewhere with a change of atmosphere it really helps. Explore new and exciting things. Dating at first will be hard but as time goes by (cause it always does :D ) it will become easier. And one big thing that got me through was I started attending church more. If your up for it religion will get you through anything.

helpmeout58 · Jul 5, 2009, 06:13 PM

Wondergirl: I guess what I was saying is how do I know if I'm this down about my situation because I'm mostly lonely and don't want to be, or is it mostly because I truly care and miss her. Right now I just feel like all I want is to be with her because we have great times together and both complement each other so well

But on the other hand, Ive been reading Isneezefunny's blog (not completley finished with it). And it really has helped so far.

Well I'm off to go hang out with a few friends, try to meet some new women, and try to forget about my situation.

Thanks for the help so far