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modifiedbeauty · Jul 3, 2009, 02:28 PM

I started dating my boyfriend in February of this year, and everything was going peachy, including our sex life. Every time we had sex he would make sure I was satisfied before he "got his," so to speak.

But lately, things have changed. The past four or five times we have had sex, he has done everything he could to "get his," and then he leaves me high and dry. He will finish himself off, have a cigarette, and pretty much just walk out the door and leave me to fend for myself.

He still tells me that I am beautiful constantly and acts the same way he normally does to me, but things have drastically changed in the bedroom. What should I do?

jmjoseph · Jul 3, 2009, 02:35 PM

Talk to him and tell him what you just told us. Tell him that you still have orgasms too, and whenever you get started you like to "finish" too. But, now that I think it out, next time you are having sex, stop, stand up and THEN tell him that. You'll have his undivided attention, I promise, and he'll see what it feels like. None for me, none for you. Good luck.

mudweiser · Jul 3, 2009, 02:44 PM

Do you know when he's about to ejaculate; some guys start groaning/moaning or move their bodies differently or you just may have a feeling and "just know".

If so, I'd change positions right then and there.

If not like others say, talk to him- it'll be the only way things change.

Sarah

mum2five · Jul 3, 2009, 02:49 PM

So you've been together a while and besides the fact that the sex is rubbish and you can't communicate with him, everything else is going really well? I'll be honest with you, it's not looking good. Basically, if you can't bring yourself to talk about sex with your boyfriend, then you shouldn't be having sex with him. Lying back and thinking of England has been over since the 1960s.

Even in 2009, some men just don't get the subtlety. Unless they receive clear instructions - you know, “up a bit, down a bit, a little bit softer, ouch that hurts” - they just autopilot towards ejaculation.

When you first met your boyfriend he could do no wrong, and although I doubt his sexual technique is any different, he is now a selfish lover. What has changed? Could it be your perception of him?

You won't tell your boyfriend what you want, but you will blame him if he doesn't guess right? SO TELL HIM !

If you find it hard to talk about what you enjoy and want more of just make louder noises and am sure he will soon get the hang of it.

Just be careful not to dent his ego by suddenly blurting out that sex is rubbish!You know what men are like ha !

mudweiser · Jul 3, 2009, 02:51 PM

I'd also like to note:

Never fake an orgasm.

If you fake it he'll never know what he's doing "wrong", besides it would really hurt him if he found out.

Sarah

450donn · Jul 3, 2009, 03:22 PM

Real simple solution. STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM!!
Yea, you really enjoy sex. So what? Do you really enjoy being left high and dry? No? Then stop giving him what he wants until he starts giving you what you want. This is not rocket science. The first few months was all courting. Now he is getting the free milk and has reverted to his real self. Realize that this is how he is. Now you have to make a real hard decision. Do you want to waste more time with him or is it time to move on to someone who might be better are taking care of your needs?

JoeCanada76 · Jul 3, 2009, 03:30 PM

I disagree with the above. Do not start playing games.

Just talk to him and let him know how you feel.

Very simple.

smoothy · Jul 3, 2009, 04:09 PM

Talk to him first... if he brushes you off or ignores you, THEN cut him off.

Right now he's treating you like a booty call, not a girlfriend.

I think you might seriously consider looking for a new boyfriend. If he's doing this so soon into a relationship, hell, the fact he's doing it at all is a red flag you should NOT ignore. He's likely to be like this the rest of his life not that he has what he was after in the first place. Why continue to work since he's getting it anyway is what he's thinking. 3 years of dating and 17 years of marriage I've never done that to my wife.

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 3, 2009, 04:25 PM

I agree with most answers. Just talk to him.

Gemini54 · Jul 4, 2009, 12:46 AM

It certainly sounds as if he's being selfish - but why?

I suggest you talk to him - ask him what's going on and let him know that you loved the sex how it was before.

See what he says, and take it from there.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2009, 01:31 PM

Talk first, but if that doesn't help,

Get on top, and get yours then have a cigarette, and walk out the door.

If that doesn't help, walk out the door, tell him your going for cigarettes, and don't come back.

No communications=No relationship.

Vikingrage · Jul 6, 2009, 02:09 AM

Probably your best bet is to just ask him about it.

AnnaCapic · Jun 23, 2011, 11:44 PM

From my experience, even talk with him won't help, I have the same situation with my boyfriend. I talked to him many times, but when it comes to action, he forgets about it. Men like your or my boyfriend are just selfish. Also he feels comfortable with you, he thinks that he doesn't have to do anything to keep you next to him. Before you was trying to win you and show off how great he is, now you are with him feels safe.
I don't want to sound so pessimistic but, with man like him it's a challenge to build great relationship. Already all effort to make with relationship better comes only from you, and later on its only going to get worse. He will stop take you out, he will stop give compliment, sex will be gone etc.

Cat1864 · Jun 24, 2011, 05:33 AM

Anna, I hope that modifiedbeauty and her boyfriend have worked things out in the past two years since she asked for advice.

If you would like help for your issues, please start a thread and give us your details. We will be here to help you and perhaps we can find ways of getting through to him that you haven't tried.