[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

Let him sign away his rights to get out of paying child support? I don't THINK so!

Well based on your quote a woman took any freedom of choice away during. If the mother is so sure that she wants a child and could careless what the man would like or what's best for a child, then the women should stand up and take her own responsibility for her actions and not look someone else to pay for her mistake.

So we have determined by opinion that once pregnant a man has no say. Here is the only solution: Like the government continues to try to protect us from ourselves, they will need to rule based on the terms, conditions and financial situation of both parents.

Its actually sad that society has become what it has.

[talaniman]

Dude the Supreme Court has already ruled, Its called Rove vs Wade. Stop whining, you just want to get sex with no strings attached. Then get a vasectomy my gosh. Then you don't have the baby thing to worry about.

[Squiffy]

Help! My girlfriend of three years and I noticed changes in her body, so I urged her to get a pregnancy test. She waited until recently to discover that she was 13 weeks pregnant. Prior to all of this news, she was on the pill. I have openly expressed my non-interest in being a father now. I have also emphasized how she has no financial means to be a mother now. She makes little money, and I travel and work 70 hours a week and do well. This issue is breaking us up. We have discussed adoption and some days she says yes and others no. We have discussed abortion, but now at 15 ½ weeks, she is almost in her second trimester. Again, I am openly expressing to her that I do not want to be a father yet. She has declined all options and agreed to a “financial abortion” from me, as a result of my openly expressed concerns of not wishing to be a father, before her pregnancy, during her pregnancy (which is now just over 15 weeks), and this posture will not change after the pregnancy. How is this done? She has agreed to sign off on anything that would bind me to child support including not listing my name on the forthcoming birth certificate. Does this have to be on a legal binding document in case she changes her mind five years from now? As of now it’s simply on a word document that she and I have signed. We are not married, and I have not planned on having a child. She simply was not religious in taking her birth control pills on time and as a result, we are in this predicament.

I think the time for not wanting to be a dad is over. If you were that depserate to not be a dad you need to take care of that yourself and not rely solely on her. I conceived a child while taking the pill correctly, no birth control is 100% effective. You should anticipate pregnancy may be an issue if you have sex. That child is yours and I am not sure it will be so easy for you to wash your hands of it, especially if at some point she has to go onto state benefits. You need to accept the consequences of your actions and stop blaming her entirely for this. It takes two to make a baby.

[Synnen]

Well based on your quote a woman took any freedom of choice away during. If the mother is so sure that she wants a child and could careless what the man would like or whats best for a child, then the women should stand up and take her own responsibility for her actions and not look someone else to pay for her mistake.

So we have determined by opinion that once pregnant a man has no say. here is the only solution: Like the government continues to try to protect us from ourselves, they will need to rule based on the terms, conditions and financial situation of both parents.

Its actually sad that society has become what it has.

Unfortunately, a few bad apples spoiled the bunch here.

I'm sure that behind every skipped, late, missing, and in arrears child support payment there is a man desperately wanting to see his child, but the mother lied about him, stole from him, and gave a sob story to the judge who ruled in her favor.

I agree that it's not fair that a guy has to pay child support on a baby he never wanted to begin with.

What do you want to do to change it? Make it so that no one ever has to pay child support?

I mean, if all it would take to get out of child support payments is to say "Nope! I don't want this kid!" that almost every guy out there who has kids they didn't plan would be screaming it at the top of their lungs.

Maybe if we just made the words "I Love you" a binding contract, that would work? If he even ONCE says "I love you" and receives sex for it (if she records it, of course) that's saying that he wants to have kids with her and get married next year? Get real!

I KNOW! Let's go back a couple centuries and make it so that if you get CAUGHT having sex (i.e. get pregnant), then you have to get married! And can't get divorced just because you're not happy together!

I agree that society is sad. However, if you don't like the laws, and think that they're unfair... tell me what WOULD be fair. Your statement just said that SHE should have to take responsibility too... she does. She makes a choice, usually early in the pregnancy. Tell me what would make it fair for men that would could enforce across the board.

[J_9]

Well, this dude posted this on October 14 and has not been back, apparently he thought we would side with him on his decision. The girl should be giving birth in a month or so, so there is not much we are going to do here to change this particular situation.

But I do like the way this has turned from a question to an open discussion. We get to see everyone's personal opinions now.

[dunno]

It would be interesting to know what's happening with this!

[sexybeasty]

The person who will suffer the most consequences here is the little child. Is it the child's fault that you didn't want her or him? Do you think people never change their minds? They do and often. Why don't you give this little one a chance? If in fact, the mother does not give this baby up for adoption, then you are going to be the father like it or not.

You can be a absentee father and show uncaring as to the welfare of the person you helped make or you can step up to the plate and make the best of this situation. All children are blessings,, and at the same time, not all parents are blessings. Why don't you try to bless this child that may have your eyes and chin? Don't you want them to have a chance? If you don't like children,either get a vasectomy as stated earlier or give up on women. From your post, you would be doing them a favor.

Sorry I sound mad, but your post made me very upset. Poor little unborn baby. Why don't you tell your folks? They may want to help.

[talaniman]

I will only say this once, the child comes first and the petty squabbling is irrelevant. Raise the child in love, and if the parents can get over it, COOL, if not... (bad languauge that will be deleted) Get over yourselves!!

[alliemb]

It seems to me you are convinced she did not take the birth control pills properly so you feel that she let you down.

I think this is a very valid feeling... you are angry about it and that is understandable. I don't know whether she let you down or not, and you may never know... but I think you need to deal with this "breach of trust" somehow, and this is separate from the child issue, which you have to deal with also.

So there are two things to deal with. Maybe if you deal with the first it will be easier to deal with the second. Right now you feel a lot of anger.. I would try to find out if she really was irresponsible about the pills and then talk it out.

But you have to get past it... you will have to forgive her so you don't carry this anger through the rest of your life. I know someone who went through the same thing and his anger is still with him and it is very sad to see. He is convinced his X-wife stopped taking the pills so she could have a child. It ruined their relationship.

But they both love their son and though you may not feel ready for a child it might happen and there are many many positive things this can bring to your life.

Good luck!

[s_cianci]

We can argue all we want about who's responsible and what is and isn't "fair" ; why does the woman get to make all the decisions and why doesn't the man have any say? We can argue "woulda, shoulda, coulda" all night long about her being careful with the pill, him using a condom or having a vastectomy, her not taking her pills on purpose, the list goes on and on. But the bottom line is that the child has to be provided for. That's the philosophy that our society, through the legislatures and the courts, has made law and vigorously enforces. Although we have a very generous welfare system, the actual goal of the powers that be is to do everything possible to keep any child from being a burden on society. That's why child support laws are so aggressively enforced and why men in notready's position will receive so little sympathy. Keeping a child off welfare means that the parents must support him/her. This is why the non-custodial parent has to fork over a weekly sum of money to the custodial parent. It may seem unfair, it may seem biased but, as Rhett Butler said to Scarlett O'Hara, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." That's about the reaction that notready will get from any judge, lawyer, welfare agency or any other entity with the authority to enforce child support laws when he and others of like mind complain how "unfair" the system is. Bottom line is, Mom and dad pay to raise their kids, regardless of who forgot to take their pills, who forgot to put on a condom, who should've known better, who gets to decide to abort or not to abort, etc. etc. The system cares about one thing and only one thing and that is the kid ; that his/her needs are adequately provided for without being a burden on society.

[sexybeasty]

I have a son, and from some of the posts on this thread, I can honestly say I would be ashamed to be a mother to some of you young men. How disgraceful and short sighted and selfish to be worrying only about your own well being when it is a fact that the more often you have unprotected sex, the higher degree of risk.

I am just shaking my head and wondering if you were raised at all or if you were, why did you not listen to your parents? If you feel this way about children now, don't expect to change a lot. If you are dishonerable now, you will always be if that is your desire. Heaven help you, for blessings are not likely to flow in the direction of the selfish.

I am afraid that many of you who put the child last and play the blame game toward the woman will eventually be sifting through the sand and looking for your treasures, at he end of your lives. You may only find sand in the end. How sad.

[talaniman]

Either you're a man or your not, you take care of what you have brought into this world. And be very proud of what you've done. I am and all the excuses mean not a dog gone thing at all.

[talaniman]

The system cares about one thing and only one thing and that is the kid ; that his/her needs are adequately provided for without being a burden on society.

I agree!

[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

First no one will fully understand till the shoe is on the other foot (Fact). Now onto child support. Let's assume a man loses his job and has trouble finding a new job, let's say that a year or more passes and still no job. The father regardless if he wants or did not want a child can try to file a motion to have his support reduced and I can nearly guarantee the referee will not lower the support based on the new standard "Earning Potential" if the man was making 20.00 per hour and can't find a job for more than 10.00 per hour or not even working, the court tells him he is capable of making 20.00 per hour and this is what the support will be based off.

Second, my wife's co-worker just got divorced he has custody of his child, the ex-wife has 2 other children by a different father. He currently makes more money than his ex-wife and the FOC refused to make her pay him child support based on this.

Third, Support is ordered to reduce the need of state aid. Well regardless if a father is contributing or not, the mother can still collect the State Aid and milk society for her choices..

[sexybeasty]

Snoop, let ME be clear. BOTH mother AND father should assume responsibility of the child. If the father has custody, then the mother SHOULD pay child support for the little one she helped bring into the world.

Let me pose a question to you, snoop. If your parents hadn't of wanted you, would there be an excuse for them to not support you financially while a child? Should accountability and responsibility go by the wayside?

I'll admit, I never asked for child support. I carried the financial burden alone. It was hard, but I did it. I did it FOR my child because I was victimized and the father was an alcoholic and a drug abuser. I did it and I made sure the father did not find out until my son could drive his own car. I take my responsibilities VERY seriously. It irkes me to see some guys snibbling about supporting the little ones who are innocent and need any and all help they can get.

By the way, most people do not collect state aid. How narrow minded to put single mothers in a box. I personally know a few who supported their children without help and by the skin of their teeth.

All men who feel this way avout supporting their own flesh and blood should learn better how to uyse a condom. Most women who find themselves pregnant and unmarried do not plan it... just as men don't always either.

[aprilj]

Help! My girlfriend of three years and I noticed changes in her body, so I urged her to get a pregnancy test. She waited until recently to discover that she was 13 weeks pregnant. Prior to all of this news, she was on the pill. I have openly expressed my non-interest in being a father now. I have also emphasized how she has no financial means to be a mother now. She makes little money, and I travel and work 70 hours a week and do well. This issue is breaking us up. We have discussed adoption and some days she says yes and others no. We have discussed abortion, but now at 15 ½ weeks, she is almost in her second trimester. Again, I am openly expressing to her that I do not want to be a father yet. She has declined all options and agreed to a “financial abortion” from me, as a result of my openly expressed concerns of not wishing to be a father, before her pregnancy, during her pregnancy (which is now just over 15 weeks), and this posture will not change after the pregnancy. How is this done? She has agreed to sign off on anything that would bind me to child support including not listing my name on the forthcoming birth certificate. Does this have to be on a legal binding document in case she changes her mind five years from now? As of now it’s simply on a word document that she and I have signed. We are not married, and I have not planned on having a child. She simply was not religious in taking her birth control pills on time and as a result, we are in this predicament.

I am not an expert, But I have been through a very similar situation. I got pregnant, did not want a child yet, wanted an abortion. The father pleaded with me to hand over the child at birth and he would take on all responsibilities. Our relationship was not doing well and we had decided to split. His family got involved and begged me to have the child and hand it over. Seeing they wanted the child so bad, how could I not. We signed a letter stating this and that I hold no financial responsibilities at all and had it noterized. I moved out of the state and when the child was 15 his father fell on hard times and came after me for child support. My letter didn't stand up and wasn't even legal. Been paying child support for 2 years now and I have never met the child but at birth. And do to this I have no legal right to any custody. Get a lawyer please.

[ghost2927]

I agree and if you think about it women have all the rights for example the draft if there is a war where a draft is implemented it's the men that must go and fight even if they don't want to fight and possibly die. Example 2 Men and women that commit the same crimes are very rarely sentenced the same and it's a fact that there is huge sentencing difference between men and women even when the circumanstances are similar. Men even live less than women this is a fact as well. A woman can use a child and the system to play with the farther but if a man where to attempt this they would be delt with severely by the court.

And finally like I said before consent is one thing being responsible for your act is another but I don't believe that the women schould have all the say weather to keep the child or not give it up or not if this is the way the women want it then men schould have the right to say I will not pay you have the ball in your court so play by yourself.

[ghost2927]

Well based on your quote a woman took any freedom of choice away during. If the mother is so sure that she wants a child and could careless what the man would like or whats best for a child, then the women should stand up and take her own responsibility for her actions and not look someone else to pay for her mistake.

So we have determined by opinion that once pregnant a man has no say. here is the only solution: Like the government continues to try to protect us from ourselves, they will need to rule based on the terms, conditions and financial situation of both parents.

Its actually sad that society has become what it has.

Agree and if you think about it women have all the rights for example the draft if there is a war where a draft is implemented it's the men that must go and fight even if they don't want to fight and possibly die. Example 2 Men and women that commit the same crimes are very rarely sentenced the same and it's a fact that there is huge sentencing difference between men and women even when the circumanstances are similar. Men even live less than women this is a fact as well. A woman can use a child and the system to play with the farther but if a man where to attempt this they would be delt with severely by the court.

And finally like I said before consent is one thing being responsible for your act is another but I don't believe that the women schould have all the say weather to keep the child or not give it up or not if this is the way the women want it then men schould have the right to say I will not pay you have the ball in your court so play by yourself.

[talaniman]

Dude when you give consent you are taking responsibility for your actions. If you don't want that responsibility then 1. keep it in your pants 2 Have a vasectomy 3. Take your chances with birth control. DUH! Your attempts to enjoy the pleasure of sex without responsibility, or consequences, is immature and unrealistic and selfish.

[rowan16]

Your feelings will most likely change when you hold your child for the 1st time. Through out my pregancy I resented both my baby and th bloke that gt me pregnant. Th father was gutd when he found out 2. we both love our son. Go easy on her being pregnant is a hed f**k