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    ifyouseekamy's Avatar
    ifyouseekamy Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 27, 2009, 05:49 PM
    My husband and I are drifting. Fast!
    I am a newlywed barely married a month and I already contemplate if I made the wrong decision. My husband and I met in high school and have dated on and mostly off for 6 years. He usually was the one to break up with me for another girl and when she would break it off with him he'd come crawling back to me. And even if I was happily dating other people I'd drop everything to be with him. The last time we broke up it was me, and I was done. But of course we got back together and within 2 months I was pregnant. He proposed two months later with the urging of his family. Even when he proposed I forced myself to act happy because I knew it was the right thing to do.
    During my pregnancy my than fiancÚ was horribly mean. On the 4th of July last year I was 6 months pregnant and tired ,(I still worked full-time at a very fast-paced job). I wanted to go get a hotel over looking the water where the fireworks would be in view and just relax. But his sister wanted to ride bikes downtown (a 7 mile ride) and without asking me, he said okay. And not once did he ask me if I was okay. I have a million stories like that. But I do have bring up my wedding day, not only did he make me cry twice from saying mean things he avoided me all night. Now a month into being married he never wants to have sex anymore, if we do he doesn't care to please me. I try to do everything I can to make him happy, I cook, clean and take care of our son. He barely lifts a finger when he's home from work. He always says its my job and I don't mind doing it I just wish he appreciated it instead of expecting it. And believe me I have tried talking to him about all of this. He changes the subject or slips and says something that hurts my feelings and only proves to myself that he doesn't love me. I don't want to live my life with someone who isn't in love with me. My parents divorced when I was very young and both remarried and my siblings and I were always caught in the middle. We had a very drama-filled life and I don't want that for my son. I'm so confused and lonely and I don't know what to do. Please give me some advice!
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #2

    Jun 27, 2009, 05:53 PM

    Sounds like the typical relationship nowadays.
    See if he will go to counseling if not you may have to leave because in his eyes there is nothing wrong and he is taking you for granted. It only gets worse if it isn't going to get better... don't hold your breath for it to get better either.
    mouse-girl's Avatar
    mouse-girl Posts: 15, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jun 28, 2009, 12:40 AM

    Do you have a supportive family and friends? Could you survive financially? Being a single parent is not an easy path, but in all honesty, I would choose it rather than be in a relationship that was regrettable and miserable and just not right.

    And there may be some wonderful man out there who is just ready to become a part of your life and be the father your son deserves too.

    You sound like you already know your answer, it is just difficult and scary to accept that truth and take that course.

    Reality is, it is probably better to leave sooner and make it clean as possible, while your son is still young enough to adjust easily. Do you think your husband would be an involved ex-husband? He might just leave you to it, and not be involved in parenting your son at all. Once your son is old enough to understand what is going on, splitting up will just get harder.

    I am not one to give up easily on something, and I would never suggest you do the same. I am only going by what you describe, and it sounds like your heart has accepted the truth, even if your mind is reluctant.

    Wishing you and your son every strength, whatever you may decide.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Jun 28, 2009, 03:31 PM
    He usually was the one to break up with me for another girl and when she would break it off with him he'd come crawling back to me. And even if I was happily dating other people I'd drop everything to be with him. The last time we broke up it was me, and I was done. But of course we got back together and within 2 months I was pregnant. He proposed two months later with the urging of his family. Even when he proposed I forced myself to act happy because I knew it was the right thing to do.
    Whew, what a history of bad decisions. You really need to leave, and be away from him, as this whole relationship is unhealthy, and you both have too much growing up to do.

    Let him pay support, and you both work on getting your lives together, without each other (as you should have done a long time ago).

    I truly hope you can be better parents than you were lovers.
    Stringer's Avatar
    Stringer Posts: 3,733, Reputation: 770
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    #5

    Jun 28, 2009, 05:43 PM

    Listen to Tal Ifyouseekamy, good solid advice there.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
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    #6

    Jun 28, 2009, 08:35 PM
    He may not be in love with you, but I don't think that you're in love with him either.

    The first thing that I would do is speak with him. Ask him to listen and not respond until you have finished speaking. Let him know you are really unhappy. Tell him why, but take responsibility for your part in it. Then ask him how he feels. Let him talk without interrupting. Talk about what your alternatives are. If neither of you are willing to work on the relationship, then you need to come to a decision about what to do.

    Sadly it's easy to have 20/20 vision in hindsight, but it does sound like you were together for all the wrong reasons. You will however, continue to be in each other's lives because you have a child. Try and think about your child when you're deciding what to do.
    topkay's Avatar
    topkay Posts: 27, Reputation: -3
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    #7

    Jun 30, 2009, 03:56 PM

    Honestly, I don't think this guy loves you from what you narrated about your courtship period. Nevertheless, you are already married to him and I quite appreciate your decision to keep the marriage for the sake of your son. This will require a lot of determination on your part. Do all what you should for him as his loving wife . Then wait for his response. At first, it may not be forth-coming but do not give up. Continue with your loving actions. With time, he will yield to you completely.
    I want you to know that deep within him, there is something special about you that he won't let go. That's why he keeps coming back each time you break up. So be encouraged, your man is yours for keep.

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