[janis321]

My sister's boyfriend just filed for joint custody of their 4 month old son. The thing is that they live together, they also own the house together. They just came from a vacation together. This comes as a total shock to the whole family.

His reason for doing this is that he thinks it's unfair that she can nurse the baby and that she's the one who gave birth to the baby, and that if she leaves for a long period, the baby needs her to eat (his words, not mine!)

So how will this work in California? It was a total shock to her. She is still very surprised by it as we all are. We all thought he was a great guy, but not anymore.

Thanks,

Janis

[justcurious55]

What? They live together and he's filing for joint custody? Isn't that what it's called when the parents are living together with the child? :confused:
Since they're already sharing custody I don't see what else could be done. Its not like the court could force your sister to stop breastfeeding to make it "fair" for the father or anything ridiculous like that. I'll be surprised if he isn't laughed out of court. If I were her I'd be scratching my head and wondering if I really wanted to stay though

[Fr_Chuck]

It is possible that the judge will throw the case out if they live together, but then this is California.

They will be asked to work out a parenting plan that will show the times each will have the child.
But joint custody does not mean always equal time, there is joint legal, and joint phsycial time.

Living together, the time the baby is asleep and he is home will also be his or her time, and so on,

Perhaps his having to wake up and do all the feedings a week straight may change his mind.

Sounds like thy need some serious counseling

[janis321]

what? they live together and he's filing for joint custody? isn't that what it's called when the parents are living together with the child??:confused:
since they're already sharing custody i don't see what else could be done. its not like the court could force your sister to stop breastfeeding to make it "fair" for the father or anything ridiculous like that. i'll be surprised if he isn't laughed out of court. if i were her i'd be scratching my head and wondering if i really wanted to stay though

Yeah, we are scratching our heads too. Totally weird. They do own the house, even way, way, before the baby was even born... I'm thinkin' he's on drugs or sniffin. Paint or something. Just doesn't make sense.

Asking for overnights and weekends for a 4 month old infant and they FREAKIN LIVE TOGETHER..! Some people are just plain ole' crazy!

[janis321]

It is possible that the judge will throw the case out if they live together, but then this is California.

They will be asked to work out a parenting plan that will show the times each will have the child.
But joint custody does not mean always equal time, there is joint legal, and joint phsycial time.

Living together, the time the baby is asleep and he is home will also be his or her time, and so on,

Perhaps his having to wake up and do all the feedings a week straight may change his mind.

Sounds like thy need some serious couseling

I hope the judge throws this out too!

I hope that the judge sees how stupid he is, gives her full custody and then TELLS him that he has to give her money so that she can move out!! :D

He's a FREAKIN NUT JOB!!

[stevetcg]

It is entirely possible that the boyfriend is not legally established as the child's father. This process would at least do that.

Like the rest, I cannot imagine anything else changing though. As for the breastfeeding... the judge will tell him something to the effect of "grow breasts".

[ScottGem]

First, may I suggest you pay more attention to posting instructions. There is a Read First sticky at the top of the Children forum that directs legal questions to the Family Law forum where I moved this.

But I think the boyfriend is being smart. Since they are not married with a legal declaration of custody, then your sister might be able to up and leave at any time. By having joint custody formally established, the boyfriend is simply protecting his connection to the child. I think he should be applauded for making this commitment to the child.

Are you sure he asked for overnights and weekends or just joint custody? Asking for overnights and weekends is a bit ridiculous if they live together, but asking for joint custody is not.

[janis321]

First, may I suggest you pay more attention to posting instructions. There is a Read First sticky at the top of the Children forum that directs legal questions to the Family Law forum where I moved this.

But I think the boyfriend is being smart. Since they are not married with a legal declaration of custody, then your sister might be able to up and leave at any time. By having joint custody formally established, the boyfriend is simply protecting his connection to the child. I think he should be applauded for making this committment to the child.

Are you sure he asked for overnights and weekends or just joint custody? Asking for overnights and weekends is a ridiculous if they live together, but asking for joint custody is not.

But they own the home together. If the mother would do this, she would not have been applauded. I think that this is weird. The paternity declaration has been signed when the child was born. Something doesn't make sense. I think he is up to something. And yes he asked for weekends, overnights and joint physical and legal custody! I have read the petition. This is so odd. I mean what the hell does he want? The judge to order that they sleep in separate rooms in the home and then have the baby sleep with him on the weekends, and then order her to come in the middle of the night to the room next door to breast feed the baby for the nightly feedings? I mean what the hell?!

I mean he's always been controlling, but this is ridiculous! I personally think he has some ulterior motive and can't be trusted. She just thinks that this is part of his 'controlling personality' and that everything will be all right.

Something stinks!

[cdad]

But they own the home together. If the mother would do this, she would not have been applauded. I think that this is weird. The paternity declaration has been signed when the child was born. Something doesn't make sense. I think he is up to something. And yes he asked for weekends, overnights and joint physical and legal custody! I have read the petition. This is so odd. I mean what the hell does he want? The judge to order that they sleep in separate rooms in the home and then have the baby sleep with him on the weekends, and then order her to come in the middle of the night to the room next door to breast feed the baby for the nightly feedings? I mean what the hell?!!!

I mean he's always been controlling, but this is ridiculous! I personally think he has some ulterior motive and can't be trusted. She just thinks that this is part of his 'controlling personality' and that everything will be alright.

Something stinks!

I see lawyers in the very near future for them both. From what your saying owning a house makes everything OK and it doesn't. Also upon birth the mother and father of the child have very different rights until such time as it is decided in a courtroom. Now your berating the father for having a controlling personality and your sister had a child by this person ( Im assuming it wasn't rape ) so your starting to see how this all ties together. Maybe he is worried that the relationship is in trouble and should she just walk away ( which is commonplace in today's times ) then he may spend months or years not seeing his child. So label him crazy but let the courts decide.

[janis321]

Califdadof3 agrees: Funny how when a man wants to accept responsibility he's labeled as " crazy "

It is crazy, because they own the home TOGETHER! This is not accepting responsibility, this is something different. How on earth does a person in a committed relationship, come off a family vacation with their 2 children and then give his fiancé child custody papers for overnight visits, weekend visits, joint physical and legal custody of a 4 month old infant?

That is crazy!

Now if they DID NOT live together, own a home together, were NOT in a committed relationship, then I would be like OK, maybe this is a little more 'normal'. This is NOT normal at all! Something is not right. It's just plain ole' weird.

I personally have always thought he had womb envy even after the first child was born. He's always had this super jealousy because women can give birth and breast feed. Totally ridiculous!

But that's just me. My sister has always enabled his controlling ways. I've told her time and time again that something was weird about him but she has never listened. Now after two children, I am hoping that she will see the light. They are both well educated people with little common sense. Just goes to show that sometimes college degrees mean nothing if a person does not have any common sense.

[stevetcg]

There is certainly a possibility that he plans on relocating before the hearing. He might be covering his bases before pulling the trigger on the breakup/move. He could suspect she is planing on leaving. He could be trying to make a point. He could be full of shtuff.

There certainly is more to this story than what any of us, including the poster and probably her sister, know.

My guess - and just a guess - is that he feels he is not getting enough quality baby time. Ever try peeling a newborn out of a mother's arms? When my daughter was a newborn, about the only baby time I got was 6-7am when that was my shift for nighttime feedings.

The court will throw this out since its not a legal issue, but a parenting issue and not for lawyers and judges but counselors...

[janis321]

I see lawyers in the very near future for them both. From what your saying owning a house makes everything ok and it doesnt. Also upon birth the mother and father of the child have very different rights until such time as it is decided in a courtroom. Now your berating the father for having a controlling personality and your sister had a child by this person ( Im assuming it wasnt rape ) so your starting to see how this all ties together. Maybe he is worried that the relationship is in trouble and should she just walk away ( which is commonplace in todays times ) then he may spend months or years not seeing his child. So label him crazy but let the courts decide.

Hey califdadof3. I am not berating him, it is what it is. They have been in counseling for this for quite some time. He comes from a father who was very controlling of his own mother. His mother just couldn't take it anymore and left his father. But enough of that. I understand from you screen name that you are also a father. But let's call a spade a spade, it doesn't make any sense.

He is not afraid of her leaving. I have been telling him that he is controlling for years, however, he is not my partner, so what does that matter. I still thought he was an 'ok' guy, even though he was extreeeemly (yes I meant the extra eee's!:)) weird TO ME!

But this is just strange. I have guy friends and relatives that are single fathers and thank God they HAVE NOT had to go to court because they have always gotten along with the mothers when it comes to any financial arrangement and visitations. They spend summers with their children, are involved in their school life, have visitations during the week, etc all WITHOUT EVER GOING TO COURT. This is possible.. Adults can be cordial, even tempered and work together for what is best for the children without the court being involved!.

BUT THEY DIDN'T LIVE TOGETHER OR OWN A HOME TOGETHER!

That is what is weird... now can you honestly tell me that you don't think that this is strange? Seriously?

[cdad]

There is certainly a possibility that he plans on relocating before the hearing. He might be covering his bases before pulling the trigger on the breakup/move. He could suspect she is planing on leaving. He could be trying to make a point. He could be full of shtuff.

There certainly is more to this story than what any of us, including the poster and probably her sister, know.

My guess - and just a guess - is that he feels he is not getting enough quality baby time. Ever try peeling a newborn out of a mother's arms? When my daughter was a newborn, about the only baby time I got was 6-7am when that was my shift for nighttime feedings.

The court will throw this out since its not a legal issue, but a parenting issue and not for lawyers and judges but counselors...

We don't know what the courts will do at this point. They haven't been to court for custody. Its quite possible that he can be granted 50/50 custody of the child and the naming of the days is for the courts convinience to establish a 50/50 custody pattern.

[cdad]

Hey califdadof3. I am not berating him, it is what it is. They have been in counseling for this for quite some time. He comes from a father who was very controlling of his own mother. His mother just couldn't take it anymore and left his father. But enough of that. I understand from you screen name that you are also a father. But let's call a spade a spade, it doesn't make any sense.

He is not afraid of her leaving. I have been telling him that he is controlling for years, however, he is not my partner, so what does that matter. I still thought he was an 'ok' guy, even though he was extreeeemly (yes I meant the extra eee's!:)) weird TO ME!

But this is just strange. I have guy friends and relatives that are single fathers and thank God they HAVE NOT had to go to court because they have always gotten along with the mothers when it comes to any financial arrangement and visitations. They spend summers with their children, are involved in their school life, have visitations during the week, etc all WITHOUT EVER GOING TO COURT. This is possible..Adults can be cordial, even tempered and work together for what is best for the children without the court being involved!......

BUT THEY DIDN'T LIVE TOGETHER OR OWN A HOME TOGETHER!

That is what is weird...now can you honestly tell me that you don't think that this is strange? Seriously?!

Based upon what you have just said then yes I can say with confidence that its not strange at all but is a reflection of a pattern that they both are involved in. You said his mom left ( he may be thinking she will leave too ) you quote your rosey friendships that your friends experience and that's great for them. But take a look arounf this board and you will see how many moms want to cut off rights or try their best to keep the child / children away from the dads. This is one for a judge to decide. But as far as crazy.. no I can see it from his angle too.

[stevetcg]

We dont know what the courts will do at this point. They havent been to court for custody. Its quite possible that he can be granted 50/50 custody of the child and the naming of the days is for the courts convinience to establish a 50/50 custody pattern.

I meant to indicate that its not a legal issue if the previous paragraph were accurate.

[cdad]

I meant to indicate that its not a legal issue if the previous paragraph were accurate.

I guess with so many postings at one time it got away and jumped around a bit. I apollogize if I missquoted you.

[ScottGem]

First the fact that they own a home together has no real bearing here. Homes can be sold, one owner can buy out the other, etc.

The fact that they live together only has a bearing as far as asking for visitation. There is no need for a visitation schedule while cohabitating.

So either he is a bit nuts, or he's planning a breakup or suspect she is planning one. But, as long as they are cohabitating the courts will probably not entertain a visitation request.

But asking for joint legal custody is simply affirming his parental position before the courts. I see nothing wrong with that part.

[janis321]

Based upon what you have just said then yes I can say with confidence that its not strange at all but is a reflection of a pattern that they both are involved in. You said his mom left ( he may be thinking she will leave too ) you quote your rosey friendships that your friends experience and thats great for them. But take a look arounf this board and you will see how many moms want to cut off rights or try thier best to keep the child / children away from the dads. This is one for a judge to decide. But as far as crazy .. no I can see it from his angle too.

Ok, Califdadof3. I am new here and I'm glad that I have been blessed with a good marriage of over 14 years because this is odd to me. You stated that you can see if from his angle too. Which means that you can also see it from her (sisters) angle, yet you have not posted ANYTHING that leads me to believe that you see anything from her angle. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Also, what on earth would be the use of 50/50 physical custody when they are in the same home? Would it be normal if a married man filed for 50/50 who had no thoughts of leaving his wife and family? So why is it different in this situation?

Also, what would be the benefit of blind siding a mother, who you own a home with and you are both in a committed relationship with? I just don't get it.

When people are in committed relationships, wouldn't the person taking the other person to court have a little courtesy and let the person know... hey I'm taking you to court? And I thought that the Paternity Declaration gave the father rights.. if not then what the heck is it for?

[janis321]

First the fact that they own a home together has no real bearing here. Homes can be sold, one owner can buy out the other, etc.

The fact that they live together only has a bearing as far as asking for visitation. There is no need for a visitation schedule while cohabitating.

So either he is a bit nuts, or he's planning a breakup or suspect she is planning one. But, as long as they are cohabitating the courts will probably not entertain a visitation request.

But asking for joint legal custody is simply affirming his parental position before the courts. I see nothing wrong with that part.

Ok, but just like I asked califdadof3... doesn't the declaration of paternity give him legal rights? Like I stated before I've been married for over 14 years. Divorce is not an option for us, so this is new to me. But I just don't get it. I don't know if he is planning a break up ( I know she's not, even after this). But they are 'cohabitating' of course, they own the house and yes houses can be sold... but in this market:eek:! But I'm not getting the asking for visitation schedule... strange to me... because they live together. I mean... ok say he asks for joint legal custody.. which has never been denied to him because he is the legal birth father. So why do you have to ask for something that you already have?

If you are the mother and father of a child.. why go to court and ask for that? I mean me and my husband don't have to go to court to ask for legal rights to our children... it doesn't make much sense to me.

[cdad]

Ok, Califdadof3. I am new here and I'm glad that I have been blessed with a good marriage of over 14 years because this is odd to me. You stated that you can see if from his angle too. Which means that you can also see it from her (sisters) angle, yet you have not posted ANYTHING that leads me to believe that you see anything from her angle. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Also, what on earth would be the use of 50/50 physical custody when they are in the same home? Would it be normal if a married man filed for 50/50 who had no thoughts of leaving his wife and family? So why is it different in this situation?

Also, what would be the benefit of blind siding a mother, who you own a home with and you are both in a committed relationship with? I just don't get it.

When people are in committed relationships, wouldn't the person taking the other person to court have a little courtesy and let the person know...hey I'm taking you to court? And I thought that the Paternity Declaration gave the father rights..if not then what the heck is it for?

All that paternity does is say in a legal way the he is acknowlaged as the father of the child. It gives no other rights other then those to be able to fight for the child in a courtroom and to sign documents in the child's interest. It also enjoins the child to the father for other purposes like medical, inheritance etc. It has nothing to do with custody in the respect of the legal side. If your sister were to leave suddenly then he would have to go to court. The nuts and bolts of a legal document require that times be listed for custody to show in the courts eyes the relationship to percentage.
As far as seeing it from your sisters eyes I can see that to but again she hasn't spoken here. If you go into the courtroom and call him crazy you will need to back that up. Almost all custody battles involve someone who is " crazy " in the other parties eyes.