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kitty906 · Jun 22, 2009, 03:43 PM

My boyfriend and I have sex about once a month, and I would like to do it much more than that. Before we started having sex, being physical with oral sex was not a problem. A year later, we cuddle, sleep together, kiss, and are physically close all the time, but when it comes to sex, he's 'too tired,' or has another excuse. When I try to initiate, he pushes me away. When I got dressed once to excite him after a romantic evening, he said, "I thought we would do that tomorrow." I felt so humiliated. The only information he has ever given me is that he feels a little pressured, and can't do it under pressure and that he is self-conscience. Now, the thing that confuses me is that our relationship is otherwise very loving.

All said and done, I continually feel rejected in the bedroom, undesirable, and humiliated because I feel like I'm begging for it. I've tried to tell him this, and I don't think he understands because he only ever reassures me, and never changes anything.

I know what I should do ultimately so I'm not looking for that kind of advice, but I'd like to know why he might act like this. Any insights?

artlady · Jun 22, 2009, 03:52 PM

Maybe he is truly tired.Perhaps he is feeling stress in his life and stress can be a real killer of romance.
Try telling him you will do all the work,all he has to do is lay back and enjoy.See if that helps!

Catsmine · Jun 22, 2009, 03:55 PM

As to why, you've heard the phrase "honeymoon phase" in describing relationships?

You two have moved into a new phase, or he has. If he's worth keeping otherwise, turn him down a time or two to get his attention. It's hard to do, my wife says the vibrator isn't the same as lovemaking, but are you making love right now or just having sex?

liz28 · Jun 22, 2009, 03:57 PM

I hate to disappoint you but only he knows why he acts the way he do. If you tried talking to him about and even tried to initiate sex then nothing is going change unless he decides to change.

Right now your going have to deal with it if you stay with him but you can still pleasure yourself. Maybe it might be a good time to invest in some toys then maybe just maybe he might start having sex with you again.

teastalk · Jun 22, 2009, 04:13 PM

I agree with Artlady that you can try doing all the work, but I see where this causes a problem. You already mentioned that you feel rejected, undesirable and humiliated.

Maybe you can at least mention that while you would love to keep initiated sex you are now planning on waiting for him to initiate it instead when he feels like it. You don't want to send him the wrong signal or miscommunicate by telling him that you don't feel like having sex a couple of times. Otherwise, he just might tell you that he decided not to have sex with you for a while because you kept rejecting his invitations for sex.

slapshot_oi · Jun 23, 2009, 06:53 AM

You're argument is very one-sided--you feel rejected but me may feel ineffective and pressured--there's a reason he's acting the way he is, ask him.

These talks are tough because either party can and likely will get easily offended. Doesn't matter, do it.

We really can't give you any insight as to why he's acting this way, the reasons are endless.

talaniman · Jun 24, 2009, 12:11 PM

There is something your missing, and need to find out as the sex is only a symptom of another problem that needs resolving, even though you have said the other areas of the relationship are good. Something is not. Sometimes we only see what we want, and fail to see what's needed.

More info into the background of this relationship please.