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RoseMortem · Jun 17, 2009, 06:43 PM

Ten months ago I got out of a relationship with a guy who was verbally and at times even got physical. After two months my flat mate helped me find the courage to leave him. Ten months on he calls me on my phone and calls me a whore and a dirty slut and has even destroyed some of my new relationships but threatening or even bashing my new boyfriends! I live in a small community and now people I don't know are calling me names on the street or even calling my house. I see him at the train station and he calls out terrible things. I have no proof of any of this, his number is always on private but I pick up anyway as most of my friends and family have private numbers. Have changed my number three times now. And none of my now ex boyfriends say they saw his face. Im 19 ( Using a friends account) and so is he, he has apparently moved on but this childish behavior still continues. Is there anything I can do?

justcurious55 · Jun 17, 2009, 07:23 PM

You need to report the phone calls. You should have a restraining order. Any new boyfriends you get need to report his threats as well.
I know picking up and leaving isn't always an option. But it might be something for you to consider. A fresh start and hopefully someplace he can't find you. Even if you get a restraining order against him and end his threats it'll be hard to get the rest of the community to shut up now.

lighterrr · Jun 17, 2009, 07:29 PM

You need to start documenting these incedences and have some witnesses if possible, this behaviour can become very dangerous. He has controlling, anger etc issues, this situation sounds scary, many women are killed by stalkers and you need to take this seriously. Can you screen your calls or give your fam and close frinds a password so if they call you private they can get through to you, ask your telephone provider about this service if its available to you. I know that some of the telephone providers is canada offer this service.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 17, 2009, 07:31 PM

The type of people that would call you names in pubic or call you on the phone because of what he says, are not respectable people, not people that live a life style that you should even care about.

The type of people who do that are such low life, such uneducated people that you are much better without those type of people

Actual respectable adults do not do that sort of activity

justcurious55 · Jun 17, 2009, 07:32 PM

lighterrr has a good point. I'm reading one of anne rule's true crime novels now (all about jealous, controlling, angry, possessive, murderous ex-lovers)... you can never be too careful.

N0help4u · Jun 18, 2009, 04:27 AM

You should try letting everything go to your message machine so you have proof of the calls and what was said as well as his voice if he bothers leaving messages.
If he always gets the message machine and doesn't want to leave messages he may get tired of calling.

Tell your friends and family you will call them back but right now you are not answering your phone.

I wish · Jun 18, 2009, 07:32 AM

It sounds ridiculous because you two only dated for 2 months, and he's still going after all these months.

It's definitely time to get a restraining order.

He hasn't moved on with his life yet. If he moved on, he wouldn't bother you anymore.

justcurious55 · Jun 18, 2009, 12:47 PM

If he won't leave messages you can still record it. We used to have to record phone calls with my father when he would call to prove that we were complying with a court ordered phone visitation. We had this recorder that you plugged into the phone somehow and you just hit record before you answer the phone.

I don't remember who said it, but the other day someone on here was telling about their ex. He had been threatening to kill her for some time. Everyone was giving similar advice as has been given here. Then someone else suggested that she also take some self defense classes. And even maybe go so far as getting a gun. It might be something for you to consider. I personally wouldn't be comfortable with a gun. But I carry a whistle and pepper spray on my keys at all times. Heck, I've got so much on my keys my key chain alone could be used as a weapon... haha nohelp4u hit the nail on the head with "stalker" you can't be too careful.