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keisha321 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:14 PM

I recently had an abortion 1 week ago and regret it deeply. We had a simple argument and I took it too far by doing it behind his back when he wanted his child. We had sex 4 days after the procedure because I want to get pregnant again. When is it a good time to try and become pregnant? I am hurting deeply!

nikosmom · Jun 17, 2009, 06:21 PM

You cannot simply replace one child with another.

The fact that you ran out and had an abortion behind his back because of an argument shows a serious lack of maturity on your part and honestly you need to grow up before you try to bring children into the world.

The decision to have a child is not something you do because now you've made up and things seem like rainbows and sunshine. They are a real LIFETIME responsibility.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:29 PM

Maybe you should get your tubes tied. Seriously having an abortion behind somebodies back to get revenge. Is calculating, cold and whether you regret it or not. You honestly should not get pregnant again. Not for another 20 years, maybe by then you will be more mature, I would hope.

All your doing by trying to get pregnant so quickly again is putting yourself at risk and possibly having miscarriages because your not letting your body heal after an abortion.

keisha321 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by nikosmom

You cannot simply replace one child with another.

The fact that you ran out and had an abortion behind his back because of an argument shows a serious lack of maturity on your part and honestly you need to grow up before you try to bring children into the world.

The decision to have a child is not something you do because now you've made up and things seem like rainbows and sunshine. They are a real LIFETIME responsibility.

I have two kids right now ages 12 and 9. Maybe I didn't tell it right. I respect your thoughts and I am very mature. I haven't been pregnant in 9 years so I was scared, confused, and my kids wasn't too happy about a new baby. I used the argument as an escape goat. But deep down inside I am hurting and regret it so much.

keisha321 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:38 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Maybe you should get your tubes tied. Seriously having an abortion behind somebodies back to get revenge. Is calculating, cold and whether you regret it or not. You honestly should not get pregnant again. Not for another 20 years, maybe by then you will be more mature, I would hope.

All your doing by trying to get pregnant so quickly again is putting yourself at risk and possibly having miscarriages because your not letting your body heal after an abortion.

I haven't been pregnant in nine years. I was happy but also confused and scared. I know what I did was vey childish and wrong. I want doing it for revenge though. I am very mature I just let my anger get the best of me and I know that wasn't right.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:39 PM

Maybe you should come clean an admit your mistake. Your kids not being happy about your pregnancy. Too bad for them.
No you do not sound mature at all, whether you have two kids or not. Or was not pregnant for 9 years what does that have to do with anything.

nikosmom · Jun 17, 2009, 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by keisha321

I have two kids right now ages 12 and 9. Maybe I didnt tell it right. I respect your thoughts and I am very mature. I havent been pregnant in 9 years so I was scared, confused, and my kids wasnt too happy about a new baby. I used the arguement as an escape goat. But deep down inside I am hurting and regret it so much.

I understand your hurt but the fact that you made such a serious decision in a snap says that No, now is not the right time to try for another baby.

First things first... PLEASE take the time to medically/physically heal after the procedure. There's a timeframe that you should not be sexually active to allow yourself to heal. Plus you are opening yourself up to the possibilities of infections.

Secondly, make sure that your relationship is on solid ground before deciding to add the stress of a child to it. Having 2 children already, then I'm sure you know the amount of stress that comes with parenting.

Thirdly, take the time to heal emotionally. It's natural to hurt after such a decision. You need to reconcile with what you've done; deal with the hurt. But getting pregnant again right away isn't going to erase this situation. Recover from this first and get back on track. Then and only then should you consider having another child. Don't rush into it because you think it'll "fix" the abortion.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:47 PM

I suggest getting counseling. There is nothing wrong with counseling. I do believe that your hurting and regretting this decision but to rush into another pregnancy is not a good idea. I am sorry your going through this right now but you're the one that made the decision.

Like I said before, if you do not heal physically after an abortion you put your health at risk and have higher chances of future miscarriages if you do not give your body a chance to heal.

Also you need to heal emotionally which takes time. Figure out what made you to get so angry and work on the issues that trigger this type of response.

Hope this helps.

Joe

keisha321 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:50 PM

I recently posted a question and see that some people misunderstood me. I had an abortion one week ago and regret it deeply. I was happy at the beginning of my pregnancy but then started feeling funny thinking about how old my other kids are ( 12and 9) and his financial situation. I told him I was having an abortion but he wanted me to keep the baby. I waited till we had an argument and then went and did it without telling him. I hurt him deeply. But when he got mad at me he said he didn't want it. I was confused. If I could turn back time I would. I want my baby back.

We had sex 4 days after the abortion because we want to try again. I know its too soon so no more sex for another week. But when is a good time to start trying again. We want one soooo bad together.

keisha321 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Maybe you should come clean an admit your mistake. Your kids not being happy about your pregnancy. Too bad for them.
No you do not sound mature at all, whether you have two kids or not. Or was not pregnant for 9 years what does that have to do with anything.

Trust me I do admit my mistakes. Im apologizing to him every day all day but he was confusing me to. When he got upset he said he didn't want it. I didn't know what to think. Its not his first child he has a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:53 PM

I suggest getting counseling. There is nothing wrong with counseling. I do believe that your hurting and regretting this decision but to rush into another pregnancy is not a good idea. I am sorry your going through this right now but you're the one that made the decision.

Like I said before, if you do not heal physically after an abortion you put your health at risk and have higher chances of future miscarriages if you do not give your body a chance to heal.

Also you need to heal emotionally which takes time. Figure out what made you to get so angry and work on the issues that trigger this type of response.

Hope this helps.

Joe

J_9 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:56 PM

<threads merged>

Making the decision to have an abortion is not a snap decision. You also should not rely on whether your children like the idea of having a baby brother or sister. This is solely your decision, not theirs.

You got the abortion because of an argument. You killed a child because you had an ARGUMENT.

I suggest counseling for both of you before attempting to bring a child into this world.

We want one soooo bad together.

That's not true or you wouldn't have had an abortion.

lighterrr · Jun 17, 2009, 07:04 PM

Originally Posted by keisha321

Trust me I do admit my mistakes. Im apologizing to him every day all day but he was confusing me to. When he got upset he said he didnt want it. I didnt know what to think. Its not his first child he has a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old.

It sounds like the two of you are very confused and I don't think getting pregnant again is the solution to your problems. Take some time and sort yourselves out, counselling is a great idea. Honestly after reading the post I don't believe in my heart you truly wanted the baby when you where pregnant that why you ran with the first excuse to terminate the pregnancy. Or it could have been the hormones, yes they do play a hugh role in our emotions during pregnancy? But the bottom line is Please don't get pregnant agiain until the both of you are Truly READY to become parents together, do it for the sake of the baby to be.

keisha321 · Jun 17, 2009, 07:05 PM

I regret the abortion I had one week ago but we want to try again. It wasn't fair on my part because I did it and told him afterwards but he was confusing me. When we argued he didn't want it so I didn't know what to think. I already have two kids ages 12 and 9. I thought that was a big gap also. I really want to try again.

When is the best time to try? The ultrasound showed I was 5 weeks. Will getting pregnant soon hurt my body?

keisha321 · Jun 17, 2009, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by lighterrr

It sounds like the two of you are very confused and i dont think getting pregnant again is the solution to your problems. Take some time and sort yourselves out, counselling is a great idea. Honestly after reading the post i dont beleive in my heart you truely wanted the baby when you where pregnant that why you ran with the first excuse to terminate the pregnancy. Or it could have been the hormones, yes they do play a hugh role in our emotions during pregnancy? but the bottom line is Please dont get pregnant agiain until the both of you are TRUELY READY to become parents together, do it for the sake of the baby to be.

Thank you your first answer really hurted me. It could have been the hormones but I can't stop crying. I told everyone I was pregnant I was so happy but then it started changing I thought the baby would slow me down a little because of the promotion with my job and me in the process of buyig a new home. I regret it so bad I let a stupid argument get the best of me. Im a great mother. I just wish I could turn back time.

J_9 · Jun 17, 2009, 07:11 PM

<threads merged AGAIN>

Please respond here. Do NOT start new threads unless it pertains to a different subject.

lighterrr · Jun 17, 2009, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by keisha321

Thank you your first answer really hurted me. It could have been the hormones but I can't stop crying. I told everyone I was pregnant I was so happy but then it started changing I thought the baby would slow me down a little beacuse of the promotion with my job and me in the proces of buyig a new home. I regret it so bad I let a stupid argument get the best of me. Im a great mother. I just wish I could turn back time.

Sorry if I hurt you it was not my intention to do so. :o I think we all feel that way sometime if we can turn back time or, should have would have, could have etc. Don't do it to yourself it is like inflicting self torture. Look what's done is done. Lets look towards the future now, what you can do is set up a plan with your partner for the next pregnancy, that way you guys should come to an agreement how you are going to deal with misundersrttanding etc and other important issues pretaining to pregnancy and future parenting together. Remember take it slow and don't rush, move @ a pace that is good for you. A new promotion at work and a new home, you got a lot going on in your life right now and there is no need to rush a pregnancy, make sure you are emotionally ready and then take it from their.:)

Miller11 · Jun 17, 2009, 09:29 PM

Although you think having an abortion will solve your problems, it does not. It claims the innocent life of your own flesh and blood. You should know your financial situation before you even think about putting yourself at risk for getting pregnant. And besides your kids are not the ones who are putting their body through a very dangerous procedure to abord a baby. After having an abortion it does make it difficult to become pregnant and not miscarry that soon after the procedure. And not only that, but putting your body through an abortion can kill you. You really should give it more time before you try for another baby. Let your body heal for goodness sake. I hope you make a wise decision and just wait a while before trying again. Like others have said you can not replace your baby that you aborded and you will have to live the rest of your life knowing you aborded your baby.

DoulaLC · Jun 18, 2009, 03:47 AM

SLOW DOWN! Take some time to regroup and give very careful consideration to your relationship. As others have said, you need to take time to heal physically and emotionally. You are wanting to jump from one major decision right into another.

Take the time to deal with the issue(s) that put you in this situation. One argument, one hurtful comment said in anger about not wanting the child, was enough to cause you to want to strike back and hurt him with an act that there is no going back on?

Are you now wanting a child so badly in hopes of holding onto the relationship? Do you need his support financially... emotionally? If so, these are not reasons to have a child.

Maybe it was all just a horrible mistake... regardless you still need to give yourself some time. Sort these other issues out in your life first... get situated in your new home, work on better communication with your partner, maybe both of you need to learn new ways to deal with anger and disagreements. There is no need to put added pressure on yourselves with a pregnancy. If you have problems in your relationship, a pregnancy will often make them worse not better, so think about any areas you both could improve on first.

You can often resume sex, and trying to become pregnant, about two weeks after an abortion. I suspect you are due back for a two week check-up? At least you should be. However, waiting a bit longer can be beneficial. Maybe give it a couple of cycles first... you'll know you are in better shape physically, will have more time to get it together emotionally, can start taking care of yourself with prenatal vitamins and such, before becoming pregnant again.

I wish you well... hope things go well for you and your family.

JoeCanada76 · Jun 18, 2009, 04:41 AM

What I have been told. Miscarriages and Abortions, it is better to wait until after two regular periods, 2 months.

It I guess depends on the doctor, the persons history , etc...
I would advise this person never to get pregnant again. The circumstances around this whole thing is not good, for any baby to be brought into the world by this person.

Not until she fixes herself up mentally, and physically, and other ways.