[ryans2fast4u]

I found similar answers- but typically they were teens. I'm pushing 30.

I never felt accepted by my family. They are overly critical of everyone and everything, and I've never felt good enough. I just always feel degraded and sub par- never feel like I can meet their expectations, never felt like I was as good as my older brother in their eyes. Never have I been able to openly talk to them about things, share things in my life, etc. They didn't even know I had a Girlfriend until I told them I was engaged. I was always scared they'd object to my feelings/opinions/decisions.

In high school I played the sports I thought they wanted me to play, I did the clubs I thought they wanted me to do, etc. They went to every one of my brothers soccer games and track meets, but rarely would they come to one of mine. In fact they never came to a track or wrestling meet, and only came to a few football games.

In college I finished first in my class in a top tier university, and was president of the student body, president of a number of other organizations, and even in homecoming court. I was able to pay for school by running a small business on the side, and was also a varsity athlete.

In grad school, I went to a 2nd tier (top 5%) school with a full ride, finished first in my class again, was also president of the graduate council, and left the school with the highest paying job of anyone, while also being the youngest in the program. Today I'm the youngest executive in the company I work for, seeing nothing but the utmost success on paper.

I should be overly proud of these successes, but I still don't feel like I'm good enough for my parents. I've thrown away 20 years of my life just trying to stack up and it is destroying me. I am doing things I don't want to do, living the life I don't want ot live, with people I don't want to be with for what??

So many times I have told myself I will just get over it, or I will just stop, or I will tell my parents- in fact I have and they always say "we are very impressed" or something like that, but still I just don't feel its genuine. Now all I want to do is leave them forever- move away and not tell them where I'm going.

What is my problem and how can I deal with this insecurity/parent issue? Why is this such a big deal to me? I shouldn't care!



Logically there are "other" issues going on. I'm on antidepressents and ADHD meds, but didn't start until a few months ago. Now I've finally been able to ground and stabilize myself, and I am trying to work through each issue in my life. Any help is greatly appreciated.

[flayvur]

Wow' that's some serious stuff. You said you've accomplished a lot of great things but you only did those things because you wanted to please your parents. Which is understandable. How about it's natural to want to please your parents, it's natural to want to be accepted for who you are. Not for what you can do. If your parents were very critical there sounds like they have some issues with themselves that they never really dealt with. It probably stemed from there family life, as far as their parents were probably very critical and that's what they've become. We tend to do what's familiar to us. Association brings on assimulation. What ever your around that's what you become. It sound's like you've been trying to please everyone for once in your life figure out what will please you. You can't change the past don't beat yourself up about what you've done in your past. We can't control what people do to us we can only control our reaction's to what has been done. If you have children's really think about how comparing you and your brother and showing difference's in you guy's affected how you felt. Don't do it to your children. Treat them the same. As for your parent's if there still being very critical of things pray about finding the strength to let them know that you refuse to be around anyone who's criticizing you for no reason. Some criticism is necessary only if it's meant to make someone better than what they are. I can totally understand why your so depressed about your life, you are looking for inner peace which totally and completely only comes from within, that's something no degree, amount of money, or association, or status can give you. Every one of us just want to be accepted for who we are. I would advise you to accept yourself and know your someone special even if you didn't have all of the material things and accomplishment that you have. Also a good way to take your mind off things that stress us in our lives is to help someone else that's having some problems in there life.


Good luck, and GOD BLESS YOU!