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sergie · Jun 10, 2009, 09:29 PM

Hi, I am married and at least a happy man in relationships. The thing is my wife is not so open about sex. She likes to make it only when it is dark and covered. And she even don't like to make it in any other position other than facing each other. I love to try different positions and mostly love to make oral sex. Whereas my wife is exactly opposite. So, as a result, to satisfy myself, I sometimes hire the women in hotel. I also know that is not fair with my wife. She won't like it if she finds about this. And I'm not satisfy sexually with my wife. I don't want to hurt my wife's feelings and I want to enjoy my sexual life as well. How is it possible. Experienced people, please give me some suggestions.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 10, 2009, 09:31 PM

You are correct you are not being fair to your wife at all. Perhaps when she divorces you and you pay her a nice big check each week, you will learn to work things out at home.

Have you tried going to counseling with your wife

nikosmom · Jun 10, 2009, 09:58 PM

Hiring women is definitely not the right way to solve your problems! How will you explain coming home with an STD? And don't say it's not possible because you use protection. Protection fails sometimes. Or you could get something on your mouth from giving them oral sex. Just a very unsafe practice and unfair to your wife.

You really need to be talking with your wife to work on things. Seek a marriage counselor to mediate. She may have some body issues that she needs to work out and you can help by reassuring her if you're not already.

Looking outside the marriage for satisfaction is a sure way to fail.

simoneaugie · Jun 10, 2009, 10:12 PM

Your wife was brought up as a female. We are taught to hide our bodies. Many of us feel ashamed of ourselves. When I got pregnant, I was ashamed, even though I was married and the baby was planned. "Girls who flaunt their bodies and everyone knows that they had sex are, WHORES!" It may sound silly, but these messages are hung on a woman like christmas ornaments from childhood on. If her mother did not actively teach her to be proud of who and what she is, she remains ashamed.

You must talk to her about how you feel. A counselor can help facilitate this. If she is ashamed to have sex, looking at you, with you looking at her and the lights on, she probably doesn't get any pleasure from it. Sex is probably just a wifely duty.

Imagine what that would be like. Yuk! You seeing other women to fulfill sexual needs is wrong in that you are cheating on both yourself and your wife. If you wish to remain married and feel good about it, get in to see a counselor. Quit paying other women so that you can avoid the truth.

The truth is that you and your wife need to improve communication.

Jake2008 · Jun 10, 2009, 10:27 PM

Did you not know this about her before you married her?

While you were dating, did you also visit 'women at the hotel'?

If she is uncomfortable with certain sexual practices, that is her choice. To feel you are somehow entitled to get what you need on the side with other women, is cheating on her.

I think that as long as you are cheating on her, she's not the one with the problem.

sergie · Jun 10, 2009, 11:27 PM

Yeah, I too feel guilty, I haven't spoken to my wife about my visits to 'hotel girls' .There is no problem with the communication, as we talk almost about everything. She says she enjoys to make love face to face rather than different positions. We make passionate love(for my wife) almost 5-6 times a week. Now as you people have commented and as I believe, I must stop visiting so called 'hotel girls'. You are also correct about being wounded up with "STD".

Okay, now as I have stopped cheating my wife, but, how can I satisfy with my sexual desires? I don't think, my wife will agree to go some marriage counselor. She is so shy of the issue itself.

sergie · Jun 10, 2009, 11:30 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Did you not know this about her before you married her?

While you were dating, did you also visit 'women at the hotel'?

If she is uncomfortable with certain sexual practices, that is her choice. To feel you are somehow entitled to get what you need on the side with other women, is cheating on her.

I think that as long as you are cheating on her, she's not the one with the problem.

We did arrange marriage. No, after marriage, I started to visiting the 'hotel girls'. Yeah I agree, I am cheating her, but how do I satisfy my desires?

Jake2008 · Jun 10, 2009, 11:43 PM

OK, so it was an arranged marriage, you had no idea then.

I don't know how you could have predicted your sex life then. Obviously this part of the marriage needs work.

Other than visiting a therapist, the only thing I can think of for now is to not pressure her, and be happy you're having sex so frequently! Obviously she may not be giving you everything you want, but you are surely getting what you need.

She may come around in time, with more experience and maturity in that department.

Good luck.

Gemini54 · Jun 11, 2009, 12:08 AM

I would suggest you introduce small things that are different into your sexual repertoire.

Light a candle in the bedroom, tell her you love to see her face. Seduce her, make her feel wanted and loved.

Since she likes being face-to-face then why don't you try side-by-side to start with - you can just gently roll her over while you're having sex.

You can ask her to try one different position while you're face-to-face - perhaps with her legs at a different angle - over your shoulders, or she can arch her back up when you're on top.

Be gentle in your requests and focus on her pleasure, not yours. If she's enjoying it she won't mind what the position is, I'm sure.

As for oral sex, well that might take longer and you'll need to be really caring and patient.

I think that the important thing is to not focus so much on YOUR desires. If you focus on arousing and satisfying her desires then you may find that she is less inhibited and willing to be more experimental. It will take time.