[an0nymous]

Hi, so I've been with this girl for close to 10 months now, everything's been OK the past few months but recently I feel like things haven't been the same.

A little background on my girl, she's nice, caring, funny and smart, but like all people there are some things about her that bothered me a bit, like her short temper, she changes her mind easily and gets influenced easily as well. But there were things about her like the fact that when we were starting she still has a thing for her ex which with time and patience slowly faded, though she still is terribly angry about that guy, some other things include the fact that she was abused as a child and that she has had 12 men before me, but not sexually she was still a virgin when she met me but some of them touched her, and that she would still cry when she thought about what her ex did to her, just left her like that

So yeah, that... before, I never really cared about all o those things, it got to me sometimes but I chose to ignore it... hoping to help her, and honestly I think it did, although it didn't completely erase her issues, at least we got to erase some.

Btw, we have a secret relationship, her parents do not allow her having a relationship now, although she's 20 years old >,< her ex was a close friend which turned into something more, they really liked him so they figured theyd tell them but, she left her... so yeah that. Her parents don't know

So about 7 months into our relationship, she went to vacation abroad, and yeah, everything was OK, had problems there but we worked it out, I learned some lessons about relationships while she was away

So she's back, everythings good, but I feel that something's bothering her, she's not as loving as she was before but not cold... then she tells me that she feels guilty for doing this to her family, like being in a relationship, having preMarital sex (she's christian so yeah) and tells me it bothers her a lot. Then she tells me that the future is uncertain that at one point in time we may have to separate( this was particularly hard for me because we had been planning and all that) I just felt betrayed because it came as a shock to me, she used to be so loving, and now she seems so pessimistic.

So we've been talking and she told me that maybe we should tone down on the intimate couple things, like kissing, holding hands, and the sexual stuff, to ease her guilt. I agreed and we talked about it. But hearing and feeling all this depressed me... and all the lessons I learned about relationships I sort of unlearned >,< out of fear of losing her and the uncertainty of the future.

Sadly because of this, I became a bit clingy, I was overly emotional, stuff that she did bothered me like drinking, and being with her friends kind of bothered me a bit. She started noticing and told me about it, and figured out that when I go out of my comfort zone, I make drama to get reassurance, and I admit it was true, every little thing she did or did not do I would give an interpretation to... honestly even I hated myself because I know I'm not like that and I'm better than this... but sadly I toned it down but I still did.

So things kept popping in my head and it made me feel down, she was about with her friends hanging out before they leave for good, I confessed to her(through text) that when I felt she didn't love me as much or that she ignored me like now (just now though) that her past, what she did,the thing with her ex, some of the things she did bothered me and that I was very sorry and if she got mad I wouldn't blame her.

She replied saying that that hurt and after that she told me that I shouldn't bother explaining and just leave me alone. Oddly enough after I told her that I felt better, like a weight was lifted from me, but I hoped she would understand that we would be able to talk about it but no, she wouldn't answer my calls, she ansiwered once and told me that she has nothing to say to me and there's nothing to talk about... I asked her if we were breaking up she just answered "i dont know" she asked me to stop calling and I did. I apologized after that but she didn't contact me, its been a day after the incident, and I stopped trying to call. I don't understand why she has hurt me some other times and I agreed to talk about it and now she's like this with me. I think its unfair

I don't know what to do, any advice would help, I want to be able to talk to her and work this out. I don't feel as bad but I don't want to lose her. Should I just wait this out or is this headed for a break up?

[Holly23]

Every one has secrets, maybe you don't know the full extent of how her ex hurt her.
Ill only say one more thing because I believe its all that needs to be said.
Put yourself in her shoes.. the guy that's meant to love her not only doesn't like the things in her past that she's most insecure about but actually holds them against her..

[an0nymous]

I know, and I realized that recently, and I wished so much that I hadn't said those things, I need advice on what to do and if thisll turn very sour

[Romefalls19]

What to do? Respect her wishes for space and stop holding her past against her. She may need some time to think about how someone she loved hurt her and was holding things from her, then holds her past against her

[ZoeMarie]

I would leave her alone. Don't try to contact her, just give her space. Start moving on. I know I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with no intimacy, no holding hands, kissing. It doesn't sound like you were happy about any of that either. It sounds like this happened for the best.

[slapshot_oi]

Her feelings for her ex obviously haven't faded if she's terribly angry with him. If she was over him she wouldn't say much about him.

Whether you mentioned how bothered you are by her past wouldn't have mattered, she was ready to check out regardless.

[an0nymous]

I know I should and I started to, but its not that I held it from her all this time, I just felt it now, and I wanted to talk to her about it, but I guess I should just give her time before I actually try to talk to her about it, and that us being like this will affect so much people (were actually groupmates in our final project in college and we have other members, I just want this to be fixed and not have them be affected)