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    bowrodgers's Avatar
    bowrodgers Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 10, 2009, 02:05 AM
    This is going to be my statement, if you where a judge would u give me what I ask?
    I, blank blank declare:

    I am the mother of my kids name, who is now 5 and a half years old, and was born on December 3rd 2003. I am requesting sole legal and sole physical custody with no visitation rights of my son; for the following reasons:
    I the Petitioner consider Blank Blank, the Respondent, to be a dangerous person and an unfit father for my son. I the Petitioner base my consideration on my personal experience with the Respondent. The Respondent has been absent in my sons life too long for my son to remember what he looks like or who he is. The Respondent has not sent or paid off any child support since our separation. The Respondent has an erratic and unpredictable behavior which has put my life at risk more then once. The Respondent has also threatened my life, and the life of all my family members, some of my x-boyfriends and even some of my closest friends. The Respondent is Also known for being verbally abusive, not responsible with money, disrespectful towards elders, and intolerant of anyone who stands up to him. The Respondent has referred to himself as "cursed" "a god" "a demon" "a red neck" "a skin head" and "a gangster" which shows he is a hypocrite, and anyone who refers to themselves as a "skin head" means they are racist. Which I the Petitioner have experienced from his verbal abuse. The Respondent Also has negative Tattoos all over his body, written in kanji there meanings are demon, monster, and the third I do not know. The Respondent is also an angry alcoholic, and has admitted to some of my family members, and some of my friends to be a constant user of e-legal drugs.
    I the Petitioner have been more then generous and tolerant with the Respondent with several second chances, opportunities and time. I the Petitioner have given Blank, the Respondent, 6 and a half years of my life: 2 and a half years worth of chances to fix our marriage, 5 years worth of chances to fix his relationship with his son. It wasn't until my son turned 5 years old that I, the Petitioner, decided it wasn't worth the pain. I the Petitioner have never denied Blank it blank, the Respondent his requests to visit his son until January of 2009. In fact in the past I have requested that the Respondent take time to visit on weekends.
    My son is five and a half years old. If I, the Petitioner, subtract the absent time and only add the physical time present of the Respondent in my sons life it amounts to One year two months and six days, out of the 5 years that I, the Petitioner, allowed and requested his time in my sons life.
    To start at the beginning would be to long of a story to tell; but I the Petitioner, will say that when I first met blank the Respondent, I the Petitioner, was young, naïve, and gullible. And to have made him apart of my life is a poor reflection on my intelligence. There were several times when I the Petitioner, should have left the Respondent, even before I gave birth to my son. March 25th 2003 the day we were married, we did not consume our marriage. We were not living in a home of our own, we were sleeping on my mothers living room floor, which had never stopped us before. When I the Petitioner, reached for his shoulder that night; he the Respondent, turned around quickly, angry, and told me not to bother him, that he was trying to sleep, in his quiet demon voice. I the Petitioner cryed myself to sleep that night. My mother had paid for the wedding with empty promises of paying her back. Some time later when I the Petitioner, was at least 6 months pregnant; my mother had sudgested that blank the Respondent, should take us to go learn how to drive. The Respondents idea of showing us how to drive was to go to a non-level field, spin donuts, and ask us to take control of the car. That was the first time the Respondent put my life, and the life of my son at risk. A few days, or weeks later we went to visit some of the Respondents friends. He drank that night when we drove home he wouldn't slowdown and we almost crashed into the new crosswalk buttons at the East 1st exit. The Respondent is responsible for the tire marks that did not fade till some time in 2004. That was the second time he put my life, and the life of my unborn child at risk. That same night at two in the morning the Respondent woke up my sister to yell at her and tell her how he was going to kill her, which is when my sister called the police and had him escorted out of the house. It wasn't until these events that I realized that it wasn't until I the Petitioner, married blank blank the Respondent, that he started to show his true colors. At some point before thanksgiving I had taken him back. My son was born December 3rd 2003 the Respondent was there.
    During 1st ten and a half months the Respondent, my son and I the Petitioner, lived with my mother and Sister in a two bedroom apartment. We had been living there, in their living room, since we were engaged. During that time that we lived at my mothers he was supposed to be looking for a job, and a new home for us to live in. The Respondent had a job with the National Guard when we 1st got married but there was a complication that stopped him from working with them. The Respondent, to our observations the Respondent rarely looked for a job. To our observations he would spend most of his time playing video games, or computer games. In fact during the entire time he lived with us he constantly was getting into fights with my mother and sister, they had called the police on him on two separate occasions. In those arguments he had made several threats to kill everyone, he would yell and puch the walls, or kick the fencing around our stairs. When I the Petitioner, decided to take a class at Butte College he got angry because it would make it harder for him to find a job. Which was a lie because my mother wanted to watch my son. As it was, the Respondent would get angry every time my son would start crying. The Respondents natural reaction to my son crying was to growl in his demon voice as loud as my son was crying, or he would yell at my son to stop until my son was too afraid to cry. From the time my son was born he slept most of the day, and he would only cry if he needed three things: if he was hungry, if his diaper was wet, or if he needed to be held. Every time I the Petitioner, tried to explain this to Daniel the Respondent, he would get angry and yell that he just wasn’t good with children. He couldn’t handle changing a soiled diaper. So I would try to leave my son in my mothers care, but when blank the Respondent would wake up; he would insist on taking care of my son. So when I the Petitioner, would get home from college, or the store, I’d get home to find my son in his exer-saucer crying, with a soiled diaper, Pee dripping down his legs into his exersaucer, and Daniel the Respondent, sitting with his back to my son playing video-games. When I would ask him about the situation he would get angry and give me the same reply; he was just not good with babies.
    The Respondents new job field was the Army Reserves, I don’t remember when he signed up with them. The Respondent was only able to visit the home on average: once every two months for two weeks for about six months of the following year. The Respondent willingly missed my son second Christmas 2004. He blamed it on my sister making him angry. The Respondents real reason was shame. Thanksgiving of 2004, he had spent his leave at a friends house in Washington; because he was still in training at Fort Lewis, and could not afford to come back to Chico. There the Respondent had decided that he was going to leave me for his high school sweetheart stupid female. For some reason or another I took him back in time for Christmas.
    In 2005 The Respondent was able to visit for two weeks every two months for about 6 months, the other half of the year he had to stay where he was. During the Respondents visits, we spent most of our time at home, or visiting his friends, and family. When at home the Respondent would play video games, my son would watch, and his relationship with me was on the rocks. On the second to last visit the Respondent made before he was unable to return to Chico: The Respondent called having sex with me an obligation.The Respondent was supposed to return by November 2005. Due to the military's medical orders he was unable to return to Chico until February the following year, 2006. The reason the military had detained the Respondent, was because I the Petitioner had decided to leave him, the Respondents reaction to this news is what kept him in the medical facility.
    The Madigan Army Medical Center in Fort Lewis Washington is where they kept him until his service time was over. I remember the Doctor, who’s name I cannot remember, asking me questions over the phone. Questions like: ‘do you think he is a threat to you?’,’ is he a threat to your son?’,’ how dangerous do you think he is?’. I remember having to respond “I know he wouldn’t harm my son, but he has threatened several times in the past, that he will kill me, my mother, my sister, my family, and my friends and anyone else who stands in his way of seeing his son.”
    When the Respondent had returned to Chico; my mother offered him to stay at her house. I was living in an apartment. She had requested from him, to only stay for two weeks, and to find a job during that time. She ended up allowing him to stay there for about five and a half months. Periodically during that time he would stay in hotels, but keep his belongings there. During that time he spent in Chico he visited my son on average once a week for an hour or less, and once every two months for one week periods. The Respondents excuse for not taking anymore time was that my son would remind him of the children in Egypt that had limbs blown off; so it was painful to see him. At the end of the Respondents time in Chico in August of 2006 he mentioned he would return, and decided to go to Humbolt County to see reggae on the river which lasts about a week, but decided to move to Garberville with his brother instead. He kept in contact with me up until he Left Humbolt County sometime at the beginning of this year 2009. On average by phone once every other month, with empty words of visiting my son, and sending money to help out. The Respondent has missed my sons second and third, fourth and fifth Birthdays. My son and I the Petitioner, had not seen the Respondent since August of 2006 up until September 2007. During these Past years I the Petitioner have been participating with the Cal-works program, working on an AS degree for Multimedia Studies at Butte College. My mother, my sister and my friends have all been helping me raise my son. These last years I the Petitioner have received no help from the Respondent.
    In September of 2007, I the Petitioner allowed the Respondent to spend two weeks with my son, wich extended to four weeks. When my son was returned at the end of the four weeks, as soon as he saw me he started crying and calling out my name. During the time my son spent with his father, the Respondent and I kept in contact by phone everyday, reporting what he did. The Respondent complained that my son would barley eat anything, and that he was too sensitive. My experience with my son is that he is a picky eater. When we go to the homes of friends or strangers he is too uncomfortable to eat anything, and when he receives criticism or correction from anyone else but me, when I am not around, (his grandmother, his aunts, people who have babysat him or his daycare) his natural reaction is to breakdown and cry. The Respondent wants to spend time with his son or at least that is what he has told me these past three years, but I have not seen much effort on his part. The Respondent complains I would not meet him half-way, well the Respondent should not have cut off my mother; for she is my only long distance transportation, and when she learned that the Respondent didn't want anything to do with her, after all the help, all the hospitality she provided, she refused to help him out.
    A few things I the Petitioner did not include in the above are as follows: The Respondent has a Drinking Problem. The Respondent had a D.U.I. here in Chico, which I the Petitioner, do not know if it is still on his record, for I the Petitioner, was told it had been expunged. Just in case, the case number for that was blankyblank or Possibly blankblank I do not know if the first digit was a 5 or an S. The Respondent also has a Drunk in Public on his current record in Humboldt County. To get into the Army Reserves that the Respondent is currently enlisted in he had them check his record in Yreka, Siskiyou County, which he barely lived in for a few weeks. He dose not take Fatherhood seriously, He has another son with a woman named stupid female2, my current knowledge of her is that they do not live together either. The Respondent has been engaged at least three times since our separation. I the Petitioner remember him making jokes about "spreading his seed" so that there would be more "blanks". A friend of mine which he dated tells me he would do cocaine. My sister who works at the campus drug and alcohol education center at Chico State, believes he suffers from an illegal drug abuse addiction. The Respondent has ran up my bank account on two separate occasions.
    I the Petitioner did not leave blank blank the Respondent for the first and a half years because I wanted to believe that he was capable of change, that he wanted to change that he wanted a better life, that we shared the same dreams. The second year of our marriage I stayed with Daniel, the Respondent, out of fear. I the Petitioner was afraid I wouldn't make it as a single mother, and afraid that the Respondent might track me down and kill me. That threat still stands with blank, the Respondent. For a few Years I the Petitioner was afraid to file for sole custody, because I do not know if the Respondent will go threw with his threats. I the Petitioner am tired of the disappointment, and I the Petitioner am tired of the fear.
    bowrodgers's Avatar
    bowrodgers Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    Jun 10, 2009, 02:06 AM
    I had to delete my closing statement to make room for less then 15000 charecters
    stinawords's Avatar
    stinawords Posts: 2,071, Reputation: 150
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    #3

    Jun 10, 2009, 08:12 AM

    For starters, I hope you don't send that to a judge before correcting your grammar and spelling mistakes. Second, you asked if (us being the judge) we would give you what you want... and I would need some proof. A lot of proof that is. While I'm not saying that I just don't believe you it was also your decision to get into a car with a drunk man and therefore you also put your and your sons life at risk. You could have chosen not to leave the child with him especially after the way he treated him the first time. I am a mother too and I'll tell you what I would never have even considered leaving my (or any one else's) child with someone that would neglect the child as you described. That too goes against your better judgement. So, while I know you want to know that you are doing the right thing you had better be able to prove how he is unfit (not just with stories but actual police reports and solid evidence that will hold up in court) as well as how despite your lack of better judgement when it comes to your child judgement you are a fit parent.
    cadillac59's Avatar
    cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 94
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    #4

    Jun 10, 2009, 09:34 AM

    You need to explain what is going on in your case. Is this an application for a restraining order with no contact with the child? Is this simply an OSC for custody/visitation?

    Your question cannot be answered without knowing more. You might get a no visitation order temporarily, but in the long run, if contested, your case may end up in a custody evaluation. I think I'd appoint minor's counsel and order a 730 evaluation if I were the judge.
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #5

    Jun 10, 2009, 09:38 AM

    As a judge, I would tell you to retain an attorney to work on your behalf.

    Judges do not spend much time on individual cases, they need accurate short, to the point summaries of what your facts are. A judge would probably not read this.
    Lowtax4eva's Avatar
    Lowtax4eva Posts: 2,467, Reputation: 190
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    #6

    Jun 10, 2009, 01:12 PM

    It's way too long and despite a lot of text really doesn't say very much.

    You claim a lot about him with little proof to back any of it up and a lot of it doesn't matter.

    It needs to be maybe 1/4 of it's current length and cite specific things he has done that make you think he is an unfit parent. I would get a lawyer to write it.
    cadillac59's Avatar
    cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 94
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    #7

    Jun 10, 2009, 02:27 PM

    Just to add to what I said previously, and what others have said, yes, your narrative is too long and too tedious (did we really need to hear "The Respondent is responsible for the tire marks that did not fade till some time in 2004.".. I don't think so).

    Another problem is you relate a series of events that are quite old. As I said, if you are asking for a restraining order you might get a no contact order on the dad but this would only be for a short period (20-25 days) and then when the case went to hearing you'd be sent to mediation anyway to see if you can come to an agreement on custody and visitation.

    You need to summarize the important points as well: outline the domestic violence or threats and put them in reverse chronological order. If the dad contests this I very much doubt he will have no access time with the child for very long (you might get an order for supervised visitation to start but that won't last forever).
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #8

    Jun 10, 2009, 02:36 PM

    I'm not going to waste my time reading your whole post. From what I read, you go into too much details with no proof.

    You really should use an attorney who will instruct you what evidence you can present and how your present it. But the keyword here is evidence.

    Don't stand up in front of the judge and say the Respondent is unfit. Instead you present his Medical record from the army (you will have to subpeona it). You present sworn affadavits from people who witnessed his behavior. You present other police reports of domestic violence or drug use, if they exist.

    But if you just go beforfe the judge and start to ramble like in your post, the judge will shut you down and ask for your evidence.
    bowrodgers's Avatar
    bowrodgers Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Jun 10, 2009, 03:48 PM
    Well thank you for the impute, I do know I need to fix the grammar and spelling. I had just finished typing it last night and was quite happy with myself.
    bowrodgers's Avatar
    bowrodgers Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Jun 10, 2009, 04:19 PM

    Actually this is... well I think an OSC.. I'm still just trying to get divorced, but he is in the army, I had served him, but he did not respond, I tried getting him to hand over his rights so I could finish the divorce, but then he said no that he was ganna hold it up to six years if he wanted to. So I am currently just trying to get the case seen, I'm at the point in my paperwork where I'm trying to get a lawyer to represent him. I believe he is still in the county. I don't know if he left yet.

    Actually I do have the case number for his first DUI, I don't have it for the second; I checked this morning to see if his case was still on file and it was. I also have pictures of his tattoos, and their meanings, as for his medical records, I don't know if I could get them with a subpoena. I remember trying to get a hold of them before, and being told that a court order would not be a possibility. Or at least before I found this website. Which I guess brings me to that question. Is it even possible for me to get a hold of those records, since they are military records?

    The sworn affidavits... would I need to get those before I serve him with the new papers or after? What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a hold of the Police reports? Or would a background check cover that? Or is it as simple as paying money?
    And as to the tire marks comment, well that was my proof of his reckless driving. And I got in the car because as I mentioned, I wasn't very smart back then, I also lived in fear of this guy. So yeah I know it's a poor reflection on my part.
    I also have screen shots of his myspace, where he refers to himself as a drunk, and he has pictures of his handgun, and most of his tattoos, and a picture of his future ones. Which I was told can be used as evidence. My manager lived below us when we lived in that apartment, I could probably get an affidavit from him. I have been working with the Self Help Administration Program here in my county, and none of them have mentioned these things to me. As for making it shorter, yeah I suppose I could,

    Oh and the leaving my son with him at home thing. I didn't leave my son in his care I left it in my mothers. But Then he would get angry with my mother if she wouldn't allow him to do it. So yeah maybe it looks like my priorities are screwed up. But If I didn't have the education to get the job that was some day going to support my family, instead of just staying at home. It would just be a negative times a positive which still turns out to be negative.
    The negative being me not getting my education, the positive being my son got a proper upbringing the equals to still be a negative, is that I might still be depending on someone else to take care of me. Or worse still be with the father.And my son got a negative example of how a family should be.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #11

    Jun 10, 2009, 04:47 PM

    Your claims mean nothing, really nothing at all, you will need
    1. police reports of his threats to you
    2. copies of his driving record or court documents of his DUI's ** and if they are old the judge may not put much stock in them.


    And even if he was a dangerous perosn he will still get supervised visits if he wants them, the judge may order counseling and court supervised visits to allow him to get to know the child.

    If the father has an attorney and wants visits, he will get them. There is little you can do, esp if this is all the things you have.

    Most of the things listed will have little value in court

    Unless you have actual proof of any of your claims, the other side laughs at you, says you are just a bad ex wife who is making up lies. ( this happens all the time)

    I would say if I was a judge and there is not outside proof, I would put no merit in any of this.
    cadillac59's Avatar
    cadillac59 Posts: 1,326, Reputation: 94
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    #12

    Jun 10, 2009, 04:54 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bowrodgers View Post
    Actually this is... well i think an OSC.. I'm still just trying to get divorced, but he is in the army, I had served him, but he did not respond, I tried getting him to hand over his rights so i could finish the divorce, but then he said no that he was ganna hold it up to six years if he wanted to. So I am currently just trying to get the case seen, I'm at the point in my paperwork where I'm trying to get a lawyer to represent him. I believe he is still in the county. I don't know if he left yet.

    Actually I do have the case number for his first DUI, I don't have it for the second; I checked this morning to see if his case was still on file and it was. I also have pictures of his tattoos, and their meanings, as for his medical records, I don't know if I could get them with a subpoena. I remember trying to get a hold of them before, and being told that a court order would not be a possibility. or at least before i found this website. Which I guess brings me to that question. Is it even possible for me to get a hold of those records, since they are military records?

    The sworn affidavits... would I need to get those before I serve him with the new papers or after? What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a hold of the Police reports? or would a background check cover that? or is it as simple as paying money?
    and as to the tire marks comment, well that was my proof of his reckless driving. And I got in the car because as i mentioned, I wasn't very smart back then, I also lived in fear of this guy. so yeah i know its a poor reflection on my part.
    I also have screen shots of his myspace, where he refers to himself as a drunk, and he has pictures of his handgun, and most of his tattoos, and a picture of his future ones. which i was told can be used as evidence. My manager lived below us when we lived in that apartment, I could probably get an affidavit from him. I have been working with the Self Help Administration Program here in my county, and none of them have mentioned these things to me. As for making it shorter, yeah I suppose I could,

    Oh and the leaving my son with him at home thing. I didn't leave my son in his care I left it in my mothers. But Then he would get angry with my mother if she wouldn't allow him to do it. So yeah maybe it looks like my priorities are screwed up. But If I didn't have the education to get the job that was some day going to support my family, instead of just staying at home. It would just be a negative times a positive which still turns out to be negative.
    The negative being me not getting my education, the positive being my son got a proper upbringing the equals to still be a negative, is that I might still be depending on someone else to take care of me. or worse still be with the father.And my son got a negative example of how a family should be.
    I think you are making this case far more complicated than it is. I've seen many, many cases like yours and they are fairly easy to handle most of the time.

    First off, if the dad is not banging at your door making demands on you right now what exactly is the problem, other than the potential of him causing trouble in the future? I tell people all the time to slow down, take a deep breath and not worry about things that haven't happened because they may never happen. If I were the judge hearing the case I would want to know what it is you want and why. As far as terminating parental rights, forget it. You are not going to get that. As far as a zero contact order with the child until the child is 18, forget that as well because that is not going to happen.

    Second, as far as his DUIs are concerned, if it ever comes up (and it is unlikely that it will be seen as terribly important anyway) just say you know he's had two of them and he won't likely deny it (DUI's cannot be expunged by the way). Forget the Army medical records as well. What are you trying to prove with them anyway (never mind the legal problems of serving a subpoena on the military)? Even if he were treated for mental problems, that's not going to be reason alone for no-contact-till-age-18 order. Just say's his conduct is disturbing and ask for supervised visitation for that reason. You do not need his medical records (I wouldn't even bother with them if you were a client of mine).

    File your OSC/motion for child custody/visitation (and probably support, unless you already have a support order), and set it for hearing. Check with Butte County Family Court Services and see how they do mediations; you'll be scheduled for mediation, get a mediation report and recommendation and appear before a judge at the hearing (some counties do mediation in advance of the hearing, others do it the same day). The court will make temporary orders (which may include supervised visitation) and just go from there. It doesn't sound like he is demanding anything from you at the moment, so if you get the supervised visitation order, there's a good chance he won't even show up for visitation anyway (you have to pay for supervised visitation and it is very short in its duration-- like 2-3 hours one day per week, and most people hate paying for it as it is). That might just take care of things.

    If you cannot afford a lawyer, check with the Butte County Family Law Facilitator's Office and have them help you with the declaration and other paperwork. Do not submit a declaration like the one you posted on this board. It's annoying to read and, as I said, tedious (tiresome, boring). It's only going to make the judge mad having to wade through all of it (90% of which is irrelevant to your case anyway) and you don't want to turn the judge off before you even get into court.

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