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Sherin333 · Jun 7, 2009, 07:29 PM

HI there,

My boyfriend and I have dated for almost three years. In October last year he broke up with me because we had some insecurity issues and we were fighting too much. We didn't talk for a month. He came back a month later admitting that he regretted letting us go and wanted to try again. There is no doubt that I love him, so I gave us another chance. It has been sooo good between us since then, we don't fight, we can spend days a part and we can respect our time apart. One of the reasons that we fought from the beginning was because we spent way too much time together . The relationship has taken a 360 for the better,however; I work with this guy who I think is so attractive, and we are so similar. I feel this chemistry when we speak and I think I like him. I only see him once a week or sometimes less, but I have been spending time thinking about him. I'm not just sexually attracted to him, Im intellectually attracted to him. We share so many similarities and the biggest is that we are both in school to teach English. That is so attractive for me. I do love my boyfriend and I don't want to ruin what we have going but I spend a lot of time thinking about my co worker.:eek:

friend4u178 · Jun 7, 2009, 07:36 PM

I think it's possible to have an attraction/infatuation with someone else if in a relationship. We can't help the way we feel about some things , but we can choose how we act upon them. Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side but aren't.

Therefore just make sure you don't cross the boundaries and get caught emotionally cheating on your BF.

TJ17 · Jun 7, 2009, 07:58 PM

So u want your cake an eat it to huh?

Well lets look at everything in perspective shall we...

You had some ups an downs with your boyfriend at the beginning, you broke up, got back together because you love each other and now everything is much, much better with him and now you want to throw it all away on some attraction you have with a co-worker you like...

... Are u NUTS?

You've got a good thing, then stick to it or get out of it before you start hurting peoples feelings.

I have heaps of people I'm attracted to, who make me laugh, feel good about myself and we have so much in common, but I would never over step the bounds with any of them if I was in a relationship... and neither should you.

Because what type of person would you be if you did... not a very nice one.

Sherin333 · Jun 7, 2009, 08:38 PM

I agree with you and that is why I haven't put myself in the position where that boundary would be crossed. But I think about him very much, and I look forward to working with him. He told me that he really likes me and that he would never cross the line and try anything because he has respect for me and my boyfriend he would want me to end my relationship first. I respect him so much for that and it makes him that much more attractive. I have tried to just stop thinking about him and concentrating on my boyfriend and our but its difficult to not think about him. Do I want him because I lack something in my relationship? I mean I shouldn't be thinking about my co worker as much as I do. Im so confused?

none12345 · Jun 7, 2009, 08:44 PM

Don't cheat on your boyfriend. If you decide you want to be with your co-worker, it is best to let your boyfriend know before acting upon it. You can only have one of them.

Sherin333 · Jun 7, 2009, 08:48 PM

I won't cheat on him. That's another thing... My boyfriend parents are going through a dirty divorce at the moment and it is taking a huge hold on him. I couldn't do this to him right now, I feel like my feelings are on hold a little bit because I have to remain strong for him.

TJ17 · Jun 7, 2009, 08:54 PM

Its only natural to have the feelings u have, everybody has them... but not everybody acts on them... the ones that do r called cheating a**holes and usually end up on some obscure reality TV show like "Cheaters" for the whole world to see... and we don't want that now do we?

Maybe u should write a list with 2 columns in it, one for what your boyfriend brings to the table an one for what the other guy can, and see what one is larger.

Because at the end of the day, we can't tell u what to do... that decision is yours alone, and yes it will be hard and someone will get hurt no matter what u decide.

... you just need to make the right choice for you.

Sherin333 · Jun 7, 2009, 09:12 PM

It is a lose/lose situation. I do need to make the right choice for me. I don't plan to cheat on him, I'm not a coward but if I keep falling for this guy then I'll tell my BF that Im confused and I need a break.I don't think I would tell him its over another guy.

Sherin333 · Jun 8, 2009, 07:21 PM

What if I just want to be friends with my co worker. He is such a good person and I don't want to lose his frindship just because we can't be together. Is it wrong if we just hang out as friends even thogh my boyfriend doesn't know. I won't cheat on him I just like hanging out with my co worker.

friend4u178 · Jun 8, 2009, 07:37 PM

It's fine if you feel you can be JUST friends.

However you seem to have already developed feelings for him so maybe your trying to trick yourself into thinking you can.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 8, 2009, 07:59 PM

You're playing with matches young lady. You have to ask yourself what is important to you.
You can forget this guy, or you can be honest with your boy friend and then explore your feelings for this guy. But don't lie to yourself by saying you'll just try being friends. You will dig yourself into a deeper hole.

Sherin333 · Jun 8, 2009, 08:02 PM

You're righ, I have developed feelings for him, however I don't want to jerpordize my relationship I have worked so hard for. I really do like my co worker but I want to believe that it is simply a crush and everybody has them.

Sherin333 · Jun 8, 2009, 08:05 PM

Why must I tell why boy friend that I want to explore a new interest in a guy. If I feel the need to be with my co worker I would just want to tell my boyfriend that I overwhlmed and need a little break. I don't want to put him through something that is clearly my problem. I really do want to explore with my co worker though.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 8, 2009, 08:07 PM

Then you need to leave this guy alone, stay away from him and focus on your relationship with your boyfriend.
It could be a crush it could be something more, but you have to be honest with yourself and be honest with your boyfriend.
Don't play around with matches they can ignite and you could get burned.

scott_1976 · Jun 8, 2009, 08:09 PM

What you feel for your co-worker is lust and infatuation. What you feel for your boyfriend is love. Infatuation is fleeting and goes away quickly, love on the other hand can stay with you forever. Love can grow bigger as time goes by, infatuation only grows smaller until it burns out all together. Hope this helps!

TJ17 · Jun 8, 2009, 08:10 PM

Hanging out with your co-worker that you really like and not telling your boyfriend... hmmmmm... sounds like cheating to me, sorry but it does.
Here's an example why: "You go out and have a friendly lunch at a coffee shop with this co-worker, nothing involved, you chat, you laugh, then you come home"

"Your boyfriend says how was your day, and you say great...and then he says so what did you do?"

"And you reply, not much just did a bit of shopping, that's about it"

"And then he says, so nothing else?"

"And you say nope"

"Then he says, well that's strange because I just received a phone call from one of my friends saying he saw you and some guy at some coffee shop together having a good time....care to explain that"

So you see, from a little thing can come dire results and small lies at the beginning can end in even bigger lies later on.
Look no one here can tell you what to do, it's your life... see we all have this thing called "free will", it lets use choose what we want to do in life, be it good choices or really stupid ones.

So if you have to sneak behind your boyfriends back an not tell him about this and have little meetings with this guy because he makes you feel good... then guess what choice your making. ;)

Homegirl 50 · Jun 8, 2009, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by Sherin 333

Why must I tell y boy friend that I want to explore a new interest in a guy. If I feel the need to be with my co worker I would just want to tell my bf that I overwhelmed and need a little break. I dont want to put him through something that is clearly my problem. I really do want to explore with my co worker tho.

Why must you tell him the truth? Because it is the right and mature thing to do.
Would you like your boyfriend to feed you that line knowing he is doing it to check out another girl? I would think not.
If you lie to him to explore your feelings for another guy, it is not just your problem, he is in the middle and needs to know.

Sherin333 · Jun 8, 2009, 08:21 PM

You guys are so right. Thank you! Love does last forever and lust just a little while. But Isay I just want to explore my intrests in this guy after I tell my boyfriend of course that we need a break. He felt this way in October when he broke up with me and maybe now I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and pressuredt and because I'm having feelings for my co worker maybe I should. What if him and I are meant to be. I mean my boyfriend is a great guy but he doesn't like to go really anywhere he such a home body and I love to be social and go to gatherings and weddings, or something even as simple as visiting my Dad and having dinner. My boyfriend would rather play hockey or sit at home and watch the ball game, my co worker I know would love to do those things with.He's not even my type. I have just never felt like this before, can one person fall in love while being in love?

Sherin333 · Jun 8, 2009, 08:26 PM

I can't tell him that, it would kill him plus what if I realize that my boyfriend is the right one for me and that my co worker isn't. Isn't it better I do this now that I'm not engaged or married. Isn't now the time to do this

scott_1976 · Jun 8, 2009, 08:27 PM

Originally Posted by Sherin333

You guys are so right. Thank you! Love does last forever and lust just a little while. But Isay I just want to explore my intrests in this guy after I tell my bf of course that we need a break. He felt this way in October when he broke up with me and maybe now I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and pressuredt and because I'm having feelings for my co worker maybe I should. What if him and I are meant to be. I mean my bf is a great guy but he doesn't like to go really anywhere he such a home body and I love to be social and go to gatherings and weddings, or something even as simple as visiting my Dad and having dinner. My bf would rather play hockey or sit at home and watch the ball game, my co worker I know would love to do those things with.He's not even my type. I have just never felt like this before, can one person fall in love while being in love?

You want to play the field and that's fine just do it the right way and don't cheat on the poor guy. If your BF now is the one your supposed to be with it will happen. I was madly in love with my girl but circumstances tore us apart, five years without seeing each other or talking to each other, we saw one another and all the feelings came flooding back and now we have been together for almost four years and married for two! You just never know!:D