[Hell_from_birth]

Question right to the point: How can a person undo 40+ yrs of abuse.
And how does that person learn to socialize

[tickle]

Hi hell, thanks for not beating around the bush. I will be to the point as well. What kind of abuse if you don't mind me asking? Mainly because its kind of important as to how I put together an answer, or try to with limited knowledge of your problem.

Kindest regards

Ms tickle

[Holly23]

I don't think you can "un-do" it as such but you definitely can learn to live with it and realise it was not your fault.You just got to take one step at a time and soon the confidence will come back to help you socialize

[Hell_from_birth]

Emotional, physical, and Psychologically damaged by parent. I just now have admitted to myself I may have some socializing problems and adjusting into society.

[Hell_from_birth]

The sexual abuse seems to prevent me from having a normal relationship, so I pretty much have lived like a hermit

[mudweiser]

You can't undo it, but you can however learn to cope with what has happened.

A psychologist or even a psychiatrist will be at most helpful with this.

Sarah

[Hell_from_birth]

Been there and done that. My surrogate father thinks if I see another he may wind up need help. Though I always thought it was a joke.

[Hell_from_birth]

When I was younger and went to juvenile hall and everybody asks "what you do " I told them I killed my mother. It was a lie but it was how I felt.

[mudweiser]

You know sometimes you have to "try on" different psychologist or psychiatrists.

It also depends on the person. If you really want to get out of the mess, you work hard at it. If you want the change but don't want to work at it your just going to be stuck in the same place.

You'll keep getting what you get if you keep doing what you've been doing.

Sarah

[Hell_from_birth]

I seem to always wonder why ? Why could never be answered by her honestly. My brothers and I were taken away so she could have men molest my sisters while she looked the other way. I just can't get her to admit her wrongs and answer for them.

[Holly23]

Im sorry now call me insensitive or whatever but Im finding this hard to believe.Please tell me someone else can feel that to?

[mudweiser]

I seem to always wonder why ? Why could never be answered by her honestly. My brothers and I were taken away so she could have men molest my sisters while she looked the other way. I just can't get her to admit her wrongs and answer for them.

That's he problem. Why try to fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed?

All you get it more emotional and mental anguish from doing this.

Sarah

[Hell_from_birth]

Now I am away from her, I can't seem to free my mind of the memories. So do I try I to have a meaningful relationship or just tell the person I am damaged goods and find somebody else ?

[Nestorian]

Been there and done that. My surrogate father thinks if I see another he may wind up need help. Though I always thought it was a joke.

You may have "been there done that" but how were you working with them? Did you trust them? How many did you see? Have you spoke to any psychologists/psychiatrists of late? Do you have meds? What did they have to say? DO you have any cognitive defficencies, to be honest I sense a few already? Catastrophising, Cognitive deficency, over generalizing, perhaps misatribution as well.

I suggest you "let it go." I know, I know you are asking how in the "hell" do I do that? There is a way, but only will know what that way is.

Why did you stop seeing the mental health porfetionals? What other things have you tired? What is troubling you most, I'm guessing social interaction?

[mudweiser]

Now I am away from her, I can't seem to free my mind of the memories. So do I try I to have a meaningful relationship or just tell the person I am damaged goods and find somebody else ?

Starting a relationship now would be absurd. You have issues that you need to deal with.

Besides, if you did start a relationship with all this baggage you'd rip it to pieces and then someone else would get hurt.


Sarah

[Fr_Chuck]

You can't go back, and you can never ever redue or try to make up for the past. What is the past is gone and has changed us into who we are now.

Beyond that, you have to deal with yourself only, and can not force others to admit or even want to change their opinion of the past.

[Jake2008]

I think three things are quite obvious here.

1. You can't go back.
2. You can't let go.
3. You can't go forward.

At age 40, half your life has been eaten up with your past. It has directed how you have lived your life, from self-esteem, to relationships, to living each day with a big dark cloud over your head, and a ball and chain tied to your ankle.

As one who has suffered extreme abuse and lived to tell about it, I feel qualified to say that you can change your life, if you want to muster the courage, and tap the resources you need in order to do so. It is completely up to you to live your life feeling like damaged goods, or not.

You cannot take anything away, or erase or bury your past. It is what it is. How you choose to live with it, is up to you.

As far as I'm concerned, I haven't heard anything positive from you. Surely there must be something in your life that makes you happy, or something you've done that makes you proud of yourself. An accomplishment? A goal met? Is this dark place you go to a safe place? Is it better than facing a life free from the shackles of the past? Is standing on your own two feet just too much to cope with?

If you want pitty, well, OK, I've given that two seconds. Now onto other things.

You are 40 years old. Get your butt into counselling to help you put the past in perspective, and your future in view.

Get busy, and stop the hermit routine. Volunteer at a food bank, get a bike and get some exercise. Think about taking some online classes. Research surviving childhood abuse, contact others and offer help, and accept help. Learn about your community, and what it offers you, and what you can offer in return.

To choose to stay in the past is a terrible place to live your life. You can do much, much better for yourself.