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deeplydisturbed · May 27, 2009, 06:54 AM

So, I'm 20, dating a guy who's 37. We've been dating for 3 years. We are in an open relationship. But he sleeps with everyone - men, women, transexuals, cross dressers...

And then when I ask him straight upfront, he denies it completely, but I have hardcore proof. And even so he denies it. I'm not really mad at him, just wondering why he denies it? And is it because I'm bad tat bad at sex he finds the need to screw everything and everyone?

I too sleep with both men and women, but not as often as he does. And I'm honest about it. I tell him honestly. But he lies to me, even though I've put empirical evidence in his face.

Is it because he's too shy to admit he's bisexual? Is that why he lies about it?

I don't get men.

NeedKarma · May 27, 2009, 06:55 AM

So why is he still your boyfriend?

N0help4u · May 27, 2009, 06:57 AM

You agreed to an open relationship.
You got an open relationship so you either live with it or get out of it.

He could be not telling you because maybe it is more of the thrill to him having an open relationship and having the secret(s). But again you agreed to what you got.

J_9 · May 27, 2009, 07:00 AM

You call this a boyfriend? Hope you get checked for STDs frequently.

nikosmom · May 27, 2009, 07:13 AM

Personally, I don't get the idea of an "open relationship"- how's that different than friends with benefits? :confused:

Bottom line is that this is the arrangement you agreed to. (Sounds a bit unsafe I must say.) So I don't see why it matters whether he tells you or not. Would it really change anything?

As J9 mentioned, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use protection and get regular STD screenings.

Synnen · May 27, 2009, 07:37 AM

If this were TRULY an open relationship, you would both be up front and honest about every outside relationship you have.

You don't have an open relationship.

You have two people who sometimes screw each other, but are mostly just friends with benefits.

There IS no relationship without honesty and communication and trust---and you don't have any of those things.

Get this guy out of your life.

PS--and get tested for STDs. You're both high risk.

shazamataz · May 27, 2009, 07:42 AM

There is a difference between having an open relationship and cheating.

With an open relationship usually couples will tell each other about what they are doing.

He is lying about it, that is cheating.

What is wrong with being monogamous?
Having an open relationship can can a serious effect on your mental health.

Not to mention STD's as J_9 and Synnen mentioned!

shazamataz · May 27, 2009, 07:45 AM

Judging from this post, you have a pretty skewed perception on right and wrong...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ml#post1748203

N0help4u · May 27, 2009, 07:55 AM

Yeah it seems like his idea of open is not so open but she should have discussed what she considered open to mean with him before she agreed to anything because to some guys open means open to whatever they want it to mean on their terms.

BMI · May 27, 2009, 08:09 AM

17 year age difference, open relationship, sex with multiple sexual orientations, bound to cause a couple of problems I would think. I'm actually surprised the biggest problem is just him being a little shy talking about it.

h_leann_b · May 27, 2009, 08:27 AM

About a week ago, you were 19 and he was 39according to your post. So is this the same guy? Things are just not adding up for me.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-353223.html

NeedKarma · May 27, 2009, 08:28 AM

I'm hoping this is just another troll.

shazamataz · May 27, 2009, 08:32 AM

Haha, I can understand going from 19 to 20 in a week but the boyfriend ageing 2 years in a week?

Meow420 · May 27, 2009, 08:35 AM

You should really question this guys motives.. from what you said, he started dating you when you where a minor. That to me is a bit of a warning sign. Be careful, be safe, but if you're not happy with the situation, leave. There will be other people out there that are looking for the same thing as you but with honesty.

Justwantfair · May 27, 2009, 11:11 AM

So before you were only allowed to sleep with him and other women, now you may sleep with any man as well.

I believe you are in a abusive situation and I think it would be most wise to get out of this relationship as soon as possible.

This man is only worried about what makes him happy. This is not a loving relationship.

bronzebabe · May 27, 2009, 11:44 AM

Why doesn't he tell you? Why does he lie? Because he obviously doesn't want you to know about it. He is either ashamed of what he is doing, or he just thinks this is none of your business.
I agree with the person that said, you need to get tested for STD's. He could be giving you things that will kill you.
Rethink what you are doing. Living your life this way is destructive.

Gemini54 · May 27, 2009, 05:00 PM

A huge red flag alert on all of this - it's dysfunctional, dangerous and delusional.

He sounds like a narcissist of the highest order not to mention a sex addict. You've been with him since you were young and impressionable and he has sucked you into his lifestyle and controlled and manipulated you into doing what he wants.

This is not about who he has sex with and if he tells you or not - this is about him putting himself and you at risk through his sexual activity.

You're writing into these forums, hopefully, because you're having concerns and doubts. Listen to your concerns and doubts, they are telling you that all is not right.

Xrayman · May 27, 2009, 05:05 PM

This is why when people provide answers to questions about this sort of relationship advise strongly against it.

Obviously you got more than what you bargained for.

Accept it or move on, frankly it's your choice. Do you want to live this way, in this sort of relationship? If not, stop it and find another MONOGAMOUS relatonship.