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basketballlover · May 20, 2009, 07:30 PM

I had been abused since I was 11 (am currently 15) from my mom and stepfather. Physically, verbally and emotionally. Last year I moved to my fathers house. However whenever I hear of abuse I tense up and feel like going to burst out crying. I feel anger at my parents for what they put me through and I have to keep it a secret. I still hurt over it. Is it normal to feel depressed whenever someone brings up the issue of abuse?

mum45 · May 20, 2009, 07:56 PM

Yes, that is normal for feeling that. I stayed in a state of anger for a lot of years, or at least what I thought was anger. I learned to identify what emotion I was actually feeling, when I was feeling it, to help heal. But this only came from good counseling. Talking to someone I could trust. May I ask why you can't tell anyone about this?

theredheadgirl · May 20, 2009, 09:07 PM

1st off I am so sorry that you had to endure that type of pain.I think that the way you feel about hearing about abuse means you have a heart. You don't have to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

SunnyDaize22 · May 20, 2009, 11:44 PM

I was emotionally abused more than anything growing up. I think my parents did it unintentionally, but it hurts!! And even just being in my household brings back memories and a ton of hurt. I've been seeing a counselor (some are better than others... and it really is worth it if you find a good one). It takes a lot of crying and a lot of encouragment from friends.. but just remember.. You're letting you're parents define who you are. Let the people that love and show that love define you. That was you will be able to move on quicker. Beauty is Pain. "You can make it out, You will live to tell".

DoulaLC · May 21, 2009, 07:42 AM

Share it with your father or a trusted adult and consider some counseling. Perfectly normal to have those feelings and you might find having gone through the experience will enable you to help others in a similar situation.

Some people find that by volunteering or assisting with a support group for example helps themselves while helping others. You can turn that difficult experience into a positive by what you do with your knowledge and compassion.

basketballlover · May 21, 2009, 02:15 PM

I can't tell anyone about it because the people I do tell, tell it to another person and it spreads. I feel like I can't talk to a counsellor because a)even though they hurt me I think they learnt from their mistakes and aren't going to hurt my younger siblings. b)because I don't want my friends to be afraid of my mom and act different around them. c) and lastly, I can't talk to my dad because he's an alcoholic.

DoulaLC · May 22, 2009, 03:42 AM

Originally Posted by basketballlover

i think they learnt from their mistakes and arent going to hurt my younger siblings.

You think it won't happen, but you can't be sure... how can you be sure that your younger siblings are not speaking up either? They also might be too afraid to say anything. Is there a reason you believe they learned from their mistakes? If it was going on for sometime with you, it is unlikely to end without intervention... odds are great that your siblings are experiencing at least some of the same abuse.

Have you thought about speaking up to your mom and stepfather? Telling them exactly how the experience has effected you? You could write them a letter and get it out that way... it can often be easier to write things down.

You could still get involved in any sort of groups that support victims of abuse... in this way you can put your experience into a positive light by helping others who are going through the same sort of thing. This in turn, will likely be a help to you as well... not only would you feel good about helping others, but you will also be hearing information from the counselor or facilitator of the group.