[lalizzy]

My boyfriend of 16 months broke up with me well I guess u can say it was mutual but bought up by him we have been going threw problems well he have but I was very supportive of him threw it all he says he still love the same as always but just can't figure what is going wrong in his life. He also says he can't see us being forever we have trust issuses everything that happens he thinks is a sign because that is what his ex of 6 years use to do before she left him I try to blow this off because I told him that I love him and that I am not her but he never seemed to understand that what I was saying was true. He told me he love me everyday and I always said I loved him back. He mutual me and called me the day after the break up to see if I was mad at him I never answered his texts or calls. He then call me from another number where we talked briefly because I cut the conversation short. He called to days after that call just to ask if I was sleeping with someone else I said no and cut the conversation short again. He hasn't called in 3 days now I guess I bruised his ego. Either way do you think this relationship can be saved or is moving on the better option

[none12345]

He is confused about himself and where he wants to go in life. The break up is mutual, therefore the make up must be mutual as well. I think he doesn't know where he is going, and its just me personally but I want to be with someone that knows for sure they want to be with me. Who knows how long it will take him to come along? If you're not willing to wait, move on you will definitely find better.

[artlady]

If you have problems that can be worked on than the relationship is worth saving.

If you have no communication and trust than you have no foundation on which to make the relationship work.

Love is the easy part,it comes naturally.Healthy relationship take work!

If he is letting his past dictate his now and his future than he is not ready to be in a committed relationship.

He is giving too much power to the ex and you are paying the price for her mistakes.

If you can't communicate and he can't trust,your future as a couple looks bleak.If you can change those things ,you may have a chance.

[liz28]

You need to completely let go and move on with your life. Listen to what he told you when he said "there is no future with us". If someone told me that it would be the end of us.

Him comparing you to his ex just shows all the emotional luggage he have from that relationship You can't half heartly be with someone it is even all or nothing and right now he is at the stage where he can't honestly commit to no one.

There is no sense in fighting for someone that isn't worth fighting for. You and him aren't a match.

So move on, stop talking to him, let go, learn from this relationship, and work on anything you have to work on.

[0rphan]

He obviously has hang ups from his previous relationship, which he needs to sort out before he can totally commit to you.

Tell him you will be there for him when he is ready but he must sort himself out first.

[talaniman]

No telling how long he will take to get over the ex, but waiting for him is a waste of time.

Your already a rebound, and paying the price, so leave him alone to unpack his own baggage from the past, and carry on with what makes you happy.

It takes two healthy people to have a healthy relationship, so I don't see that happening with the both of you.

He just isn't ready.

[susangpyp]

It's always a mistake to wait around for someone who isn't sure what they want. It's always a mistake to leave yourself wide open to the whims of another especially when the other has no CLUE what he or she wants.

I would suggest moving on. It hurts to be a rebound but value yourself as someone who deserves to be loved (because you DO!) and what you deserve will come into your life.

Be good to you!

[lalizzy]

It has been 1 week since the break up and I must say that I am holding up pretty darn good. Until he called now I'm feeling lost all over again. I have not heard from him in four days now he miss me so ii told him that I missed him to. But then he says he feels lost without me and I couldn't answer him back because I was lost for words. Is it possible for him to feel this way if he broke up with me. So confused is this some type of male mind game.

[ajGambino]

Yes it is possible for him to feel this way.

If he broke up with you, you have options you need to think about:

1. If you don't want a relationship with him, ignore him and continue NC. That means NO contact. No calls/texts/emails/etc.

2. If you want to be with him, it seems like he felt that it was a mistake of letting you go. Make sure he wants you back. You want him back? He may be giving you another shot.


Be careful.

[lalizzy]

My ex and I have been broke up for 2 1/2 weeks now the other day he text me saying that he wants to move towards working things out. So I go over to see what is what but every time I come over he just stares at me for hours. I mean he actually says nothing at all so when I ask him what are you staring at he says I can look at u. So my question is why can he text me but freezes up when I'm around. Do he really want to work things out or do he say things when he feels me slipping away from him.

[Justwantfair]

So when you talk, does he just stare at you?

For hours, that is creepy and it's not going to help work things out.

I would say move forward and stick with no contact.

[Triysle]

My ex and I have been broke up for 2 1/2 weeks now the other day he text me saying that he wants to move towards working things out. So I go over to see what is what but every time I come over he just stares at me for hours. I mean he actually says nothing at all so when I ask him what r u staring at he says I can look at u. So my question is why can he text me but freezes up when I'm around. Do he really want to work things out or do he say things when he feels me slipping away from him.

Well, I dated a girl who would actually curl into a ball and not say anything for hours until I stopped pushing her for answers. It sounds to me like he feels intimidated by you.

Frankly, if you aren't able to make any progress by visiting him, then stop visiting him. He will reach out because he is hurting, and maybe he really does want to sort something out, but there are other, less direct methods that might be easier for him.

A handwritten, heartfelt letter is a great way to express yourself to someone without it seeming cheap or distant. Perhaps you should ask him to write down how he feels on his own time, and then have him give it to you whenever he is ready?

The absolute worst thing you can do is try and "help" him figure out how he feels. Give him an outlet, but don't try to guide him at all. It will only stress him out even more.

~ Tee

[kp2171]

Mkay...

There's no use in getting back together until you understand what were the Real reasons for the breakup and how have those issues been dealt with... and most of the time, people haven't really dealt with the real issues...

So...

I don't care about the creepy staring... well... yeah... sure I do... but I'm most concerned about whythehell did you break up to start with and why would you have any reason to believe it'll be better after a couple of weeks?

Just asking.

And in addition... any guy who just wants to stare at you and then freak you out... uhm.. I'm thinking he isn't all that... there are a few billion people on this earth. Some of them are likely to think you are the end all be all and not stare at you like a frickin zombie...

[I wish]

Sounds pretty creepy to me. If he's not going to talk, nothing is going to get fixed.

Sounds like he has trouble expressing himself. It's not your problem. It's something he's going to have to work on.

There's no reason for you to wait around so that he can learn to talk. It's just going to fustrate you. No point suffering like this, just move on...

[lalizzy]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 26 days ago it was just a bunch of pressure building up on the relationship. We have continued to talk and have sex almost everyday since the break up. So 8 days ago he said that he wants to work things out so he started to call me every day which he has been the one calling me since we broke I have not called him once but 2 days ago he said that he wasn't going 2 call me anymore because he feels like he is sweating me. Now he has said this about 1week and a half ago and I will wait a few days and eventually he will call. But this time I think he really means it I do still have feelings for him and I would like to work things out but I too scared of rejection to even make a move. So should I put my fear of rejection aside and call or should I continue to wait I don't want him to think that he mean nothing to me but I don't want him to feel like he got me gone or something either... what should I do?

[kctiger]

So you have three options:

1. Keep having sex with him without actually being in a relationship (in other words, keep being used)

2. Stop having sex, and get your relationship back on track... equal effort required for both parties

3. Stop talking to him and stop having sex with him until you can make a rational decision

Either way, what you two have is sex without any attachments, which is not what you want, I am sure. Quit having sex, decide what you want, and go from there.

[talaniman]

We have continued to talk and have sex almost everyday since the break up.

I didn't see this important fact until your threads were merged, and find it odd you didn't mention it before. It explains your confusion, as sex without commitment, does lead to confusion, false hope, mixed signals, and no honest communications.

So should I put my fear of rejection aside and call

No, because its all about sex for you both at this point, broken up or not, your both using this to not talk about your issues.

or should I continue to wait I don't want him to think that he mean nothing to me but I don't want him to feel like he got me gone or something either...

Having sex everyday with no honest communications to work together to solve your issues is a disaster already.

what should I do?

NO MORE SEX< just talk about the issues, or you get no where, and will continue to waste your time in this "friends" with benefits relationship.

[liz28]

Okay I am confuse. You stated the two of you broke up 26 days ago and you never called him but yet you continute to talk to him and have sex with him.

Well it doesn't matter who did the calling because you were still intimate and in communication with him. Which made things get lost in translation.

It seems like you wanted him to chase after you because you like his chasing ways but he decided to stop which kind of pissed you off.

Now your back to square one. Go back and read what everyone told you in the beginning.

[lneli1]

No! I think they should just be friends "with benefits" or just don't be friends at all and go their own way... its just too messy and such a waste of time!! :rolleyes: