Check out some similar questions!

kay84 · May 17, 2009, 09:24 AM

Hi,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now but have been friends for years as he is a friend of my ex witch I had 2 children with and was with for 10 years and the problem is we both want different things we are not living together he has his own house and me and my girls are still living at my mums were we moved into after I broke up with my ex and by now I fort we wood be living together I want to settle down now live together get married and maybe have a child together but he don't he comes to see us every day as he dunt live far away and he and the kids get on great they even call him dad I can't see what the problem is I've spoke to him millions of times about it and get back maybe 1 day I even help him pay his bills and bye him stuff all the time and he never gets me anything I love him with all my heart but I don't think I can stay like this much longer ?

liz28 · May 17, 2009, 07:18 PM

If you wasn't living at home would you want to move in with him? Maybe he isn't ready to take the leap and all because he has a house doesn't means he have to. Moving in together shows that the two of you are taking the relationship to another level and maybe he isn't ready for that. He enjoys his freedom.

If you find yourself doing more for him fiancially then why do you it? Instead of helping paying his way you should use that money for you and your kids.

Also, are your kids father in the picture? I don't think it is cool to have your kids calling him dad. My daughter doesn't call my fiancé dad because she have a dad and I think it would be an insult to her father by calling another guy "dad".

If you and him are on two separate pages I think you should really think if he is who you wants. Time to reflect and decide on what your going do. You can start by talking to him because after all communication is the key, and then come to your conclusions. But know actions speak louder than words.

Also, you stated you discuss marriage and having a child with him over a million times and his only answer is "maybe one day". After being with him for 3 years your should be able to have an open discussion about your future. Not saying you would have to have a child and get married tomorrow but then I don't see the harm in talking about it.

The two of you aren't even in the same book.

Fr_Chuck · May 17, 2009, 07:20 PM

Yes, he is not near ready to be called dad, since he is not really acting as one either.

I can't see why you even think he is ready or even wanting to commitment or a life together.

He seems happy with his life now and does not wish to change

I wish · May 18, 2009, 06:02 AM

Sounds like you already answered your own question in your title: "we want different lives"

If that's what you want, then he's not the man for you. You are right, after 3 years you should be to have some sort of discussion about marriage at your age. It's time for you to find someone who has more in common with you and who can make you happy.

kay84 · May 19, 2009, 01:01 AM

I didn't make my kids call him dad they asked if they could as he has bin a part of there life since they were born and yes the father is in the piture they go to him every weekend and he is OK with them calling him dad as I make sure they don't do it in front of him and my problem is that he wanted all that before I did he wanted me and girls to move in with him at start and talked about marriage and more kids but I was not ready and now am ready he's changed his mind !

I wish · May 19, 2009, 09:30 AM

You did not want marriage with him before, but now you do.

He wanted marriage with you before, but now he does.

Sounds like both of you have a change of heart. It's tough, but you got to accept that he's entitled to change his feelings for you just as much as you changed feelings for him.

kay84 · May 20, 2009, 01:19 AM

Yes I no but he asked me the day I left my ex am not a slag I wasn't guna leave 1 bed 4 another ? I did won't it when he asked me and he nos I did but I wonted to wait a little as me and my ex had a very bad brake up and I just wonted that to blow over first ?

450donn · May 20, 2009, 07:29 AM

You didn't say, but I assume sex is involved?
So why would he want to get married and have to support someone else's children when he can get the sex for free and not have any of the obligations?
I would suggest that you move on with your life, concentrate on raising the children. They are far more important right now that your needs/desires.

talaniman · May 20, 2009, 09:32 AM

I don't think making him such an important part of your life is a very good idea at all, and paying his bills are a bad idea. I think healing from the past and being independent of any man right now would have a better long term effect on you all. Get yourself out on your own, and not with some guy your dating.

Corvas · May 20, 2009, 11:39 AM

Maybe since you live at home he is afraid that you aren't ready to move to the next level. He might just need you to show how strong you are. Why don't you tell him? Or better yet, move out on your own and show him how awesome you are by yourself.

BTW I love this site(verytogether) there is lots of good advice. For example, when you are ready, check out moving in together.

Best of luck!

kay84 · May 21, 2009, 12:43 AM

I aways put my kids 1st and always had!! And no he's not just using me 4 sex he and my kids get on great he's bin a better dad to them kids than there waste of space real dad who says if he has the kids then I should pay him so I do put them before anything it was 4 there sake I left there dad so he didn't turn on them like he usta me if I did owt wrong hed hit me and my boyfriend got us outa there and helpd me get over the facted that if a man spoke to me he won't going to hit me so don't say I don't put my kids 1st or that my boyfriend is using me 4 sex!!

liz28 · May 21, 2009, 03:32 AM

Please don't use chat talk because it makes it hard to read.

Okay the point is now that two of you want different things. So you have the option of even leaving or staying.

Now the only reason I stated it isn't a good idea to have your kids calling him dad was because if the two of doesn't work then what?

Sorry the father isn't crap and not to try to sound harsh but why did you have 2 kids with him? However, I am glad you got out when you did.

kay84 · May 22, 2009, 02:25 AM

I had the girls with him when he was OK and then he just changed after my 2nd girl was born I no what you mean my them calling him dad its just they wanted to as they see him as there dad and they were so happy and said to me now we have a real dad I just could not say no to them all they want 2 is to be a family ?

N0help4u · May 22, 2009, 11:16 AM

He has the best of both worlds now. He has his alone time in his house. He has you helping with the bills. He has you being his girlfriend.

What would he want with changing that when he has everything the way that works for him all the way around?