[carla123]

I am a 24 yr old female, and he is 29. We loved each other so much for 9 months, and we decided to get married. We are both from a very conservative background, and so we decided to tie the knot only if our parents agree 100%, else we should split. Cause we both couldn't bear to see parents cry for our loves sake.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried, my parents hated my b/f and stricly said NO to marry him:( I fought much, but in vain :( It pained! And, I had no choice, other than to call it off. We mutually parted. Both Me and my b/f struggled so much to accept reality initially, but as days went by, I learnt to accept reality and move on. But my b/f still keeps showing his love for me, and he is just not willing to let go, although he knows that we CANNOT take this forward. He is finding it so hard to accept reality, and he keeps crying. Although I told him many times that it is OVER and to carry on, he keeps sulking!

I still love him so much and I wanted to help him move on, so I started being harsh to him. I said things that hurt him even though I love him.. I pretended to be hard hearted and said - "i dont care for him, and i have moved on and i am being happy now", which makes him cry more. And I think that I am doing the right thing, so that, at least by being hurt , he can hate me.. forget me, and move on with life. Also, him showing his love, is not helping me also to move on! Am I doing the right thing here?? How to help him and myself here? Plsss... I feel that if he keeps doing this, both of us will be stuck, and we won't be able to find other partners for ourselves :( :(

[jenniepepsi]

You can't make him hate you hon. Or forget you.

This is a tough situation and I feel for you *hugs* but the hard truth of it is, its YOUR decision. Not your parents. As hard as it is, if you love this man, then don't leave him because your parents disaproove. My parents disaprooved of my marriage and my husbands parents did as well. We got married and my parents softend and came around to it and are genuenly happy for me now.
Unfortunately his parents are still dead against it and pretty much hate me. We have little contact with them now.

It's a hard decision and only you can make it. It can go both ways for you. Your parents could come around to your marriage or they could not.

But I wouldn't suggest trying to make him hate or forget you.

[Gemini54]

Carla, you've already posted another question, and in the previous forum you made it clear that it was because you're different religions (Brahman & Muslim) and that it just can't be.

It is very hard to advise on these issues as cultures and religions in other countries are often very strongly opposed to mixed marriages. It is not just about 2 people, it is about the family, the extended family and the social networks. I assume this is why you needed the 100% approval of both families and why you decided in the end not to take it forward.

I am so very sorry for you. It must be even harder knowing that your BF cannot let go. If it can't be - then you must simply let him know that he has to accept it, as you have. I would suggest that you not contact him at all after you have told him as it is clearly making things worse for both of you.

Please don't be horrible to him - this will just make you both feel worse. Just cut off contact so that he can deal with it on his own.

[ajGambino]

YOU ARE NOT RIGHT TO HURT YOUR BOYFRIEND TO 'HELP' HIM MOVE ON.

Hurting someone will certainly not help this situation, this will only harm him. Wow, I feel really bad for this guy.

If you must comply and let your parents run your life at the age of 24, go NC.

I understand that family is important, I just don't see how they can make such a huge decision when it's YOUR life.

Anyway, NC.

[talaniman]

Cut all contact with him. Eventually he will get over you, and move on. Disappear from his life.

[marcantony]

I understand about parents but if you have to wait for them to decide who they like you may very well never marry.

[ldanny]

I'm in somewhat of the similar situation.. but on the receiving end of this... I can probably tell you that he is still really loves you and wants to do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to keep you in his life. Words that you say hurts him but he is willing to take it because of the way he feels. Every time I think about all the hurt full things my ex said to me, makes my heartache but I'm still taking it... Like someone said before, NC is probably the only way to go. I was super hurt at first then NC helped, then she contacted me again (used me to help her) and the pain started all over again.

[AandZ4ever]

You can't let the approval of others effect your approval of each other. True love only happens once in a lifetime. If this is your fairytale prince take the chance. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't

[deeplydisturbed]

I think you should just go for it. My mom disapproved heavily of my boyfriend too but after a while she came to accept that one doesn't just choose who to fall in love with. And it's not like u, your boyfriend and your parents have to live together? They'll just see him once in a while... besides, your 24 for god's sake, I'm sure your old enough to make a stand and fight for your rights.

Because if you can't fight hard for him... and you give into your parents... then you don't deserve him. And maybe that's true.

U only get to live once. Make the most of it, don't die with regrets.

[blondndisguise5]

sorry if someone has said this before me but repition is always good ;)
anyway. You parents aren't living your life. Choosing who YOU spend YOUR life with based on what THEY think is stupid. Sorry if that's harsh but I could go harsher. If u LOVE him then be with him and work PAST the hard parts. TRUE LOVE = hard work and working against the tides sometimes that's money problems, sometimes that's religious problems and sometimes that's parents. If people listened to what their parents thought then we wouldn have the diversity we do today that is so open to love.

if u really want to let him go and make him stop loving you stop leading him on. Stop talking to him. The end.

[chuff]

You're cruel to the guy that calls you names.

You're cruel to the guy that steals from you.

You're cruel to the guy that cheats on you.

He gave you his heart don't be cruel for that. You owe him an explanation and an apology, and then you owe it to him to tell him you are leaving so he can heal without you around. So few give there love, if your parents religion is going to dictate your marriage, it should not dictate your treatment of him, If I believe what religion tells people I'm sure your God will agree with me on that.

[0rphan]

Religions and different cultures can be a powerful thing.

My understanding is that you are both from different religions and cultures, which means you cannot go against the elders of the family,you would be denouncing your religion and be cast out from your own people, if you marry into another culture/religion.

This is a very sad situation, if we put religion/culture aside,all of us would say... go for it,and wish the couple luck.

In a case such as this, your asking the girl or boy to make a choice between his family and people or the person they have chosen to marry... should they turn away from their ways,their cultures, their religion... they will be cast out for ever.

I know sometimes this does happen, usually with arranged marriages

[ldanny]

If you know it can't work... just do him the flavor and DO NOT CONTACT HIM AT ALL... I wish I never broke NC rules with my ex, It makes it harder each time I see her or hear from her...