[Hola]

I was dumped 6 months ago by a person I've been in a relationship with for 6 years. I have a 9 year old daughter who was raised by him for those 6 years and played the father role more effectively than my daughter's real father. The dumper is not her biological father. He has since moved on and actually left me for another woman. I expressed my concerns about my daughter, who he claims feels like his own daughter, and how his current relationship may affect his relationship with my daughter. I asked him what would would happen if this person he loves begins to get bothered with this relationship he has with my daughter. He stated that if any woman would have a problem with it, she would either have to accept it or he would let them go.

Since that talk, his current girlfriend (long distance relationship) is flying in and 2 of the 5 days she's here, he was trying to find someone else to bring her to school. In another month, he is not available for one weekend, the weekend I'm scheduled to work and that puts me in a bind. If he's planning to fly and visit her then he is putting this relationship before my daughter. I am aware that he no longer has anymore obligations towards her, but he expressed his wants to still be a part of my daughter's life. The reason I'm allowing it is because I am concerned about how my daughter will feel and how it will affect her. She loves him very much and even said that she likes him better than her real father. They have created a tight bond throughout the 6 years. I don't have any family where I live because I moved away and am not sure what to do.

Should I cut all ties with him? If so, should I do it slowly or abruptly?

I feel so much pressure trying to make this decision. Can anyone give me some input?

[talaniman]

As I remember ,you have a child together in a previous post and now we find that your b/f is not the biological father. Confusing to say the least. I have to look at this as a divorce and as I have said he is a cheater. You expect him to do right by your daughter and he didn't do right by you. Your already having problems with him regarding being with your daughter. Sad when children get caught in the middle of adult crap. I think you need to accept the fact he will have another life and your daughter will not see him as much ,so don't let her count on his being there. I see him disappointing her and of course she may feel rejected and unloved just as divorces do to children, so you need to explain and support her as she adjusts to a different arrangement. He sounds like he has good intentions but we all know where that leads. (to hell for those that don't know) He has already torn your family apart and I suspect he will do it again. Sorry but you should talk to your daughter and explain daddy is gone. She will be crushed either now or when he can't show up and you'll be picking up the pieces. I don't have any good answers because too much depends on your loser ex doing the right thing and I don't give him that much credit. Again sorry.

[cbmb]

Totallly agree. There are many men that, once they get on to the next thing, do not return to be a support for the children (or the pets) they helped raise. Although common, these are typically not "good men" in my opinion.

[s_cianci]

You don't seriously think that, when push comes to shove, he'll choose your daughter over his new girlfriend, do you? As a man, I can assure you the odds of him doing that are a million to one. It's nice that he was willing to be such a good father figure to her for the 6 years you were together. However, I honestly think the handwriting's on the wall and it's over, pure and simple. He left you for someone else so that shows you where his priorities lie. Not a nice situation I know but that's the reality of it.