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Csmith100 · May 12, 2009, 11:49 AM

Hi,
Please do not judge me. I know I am wrong & have used every angle to remove myself from this situation. Somehow, I always end up going back. I have been dating a married man for 18 months of course he swears he loves me & will leave his wife. I have never gave him an ultinmaum or never brought up the subject. When the subject was brought up by him I advised him that if he wants to leave that's his decision so we may a pact. If he does not leave & move on his own we will walk away no questions ask and no strings attach. Well were in the month of May there has been quite a few red flags that he will not be moving out. So instead of me breaking off with my emotions I have been distanting myself. Well you could imagine my surprise when he told me today... Good News he has found a place for us first of July. Out of the blue a friend of his has an empty apartment and when they come back from out of the country we can sign the lease. Hmmm I guess this gives him 2 months to string me along. My question is do I believe him and start to make plans or it's just another lie. What's 2 more months of my life but then there will be another exucse... I'm so confuse... I guess that's what he wants

Justwantfair · May 12, 2009, 11:55 AM

You could give his wife a call and find out if he has discussed moving out with her. That would let you know his real intentions.

Fact is, you are wrong, you know you are wrong and why would you want to be with anyone who would do what he has done to his wife, someone he stood before God and pledged his allegance to and claimed that he loved. Whether we can guarantee he is not lying and stringing you along right now shouldn't be the point. He will lie to you and he could betray you just as he has done his wife.

Breaking up is a very difficult thing to do, especially when you do not love yourself, but you owe it to your future to lose this loser! What kind of future could he possibly offer you even if he is ready to move in with you in July??

I wish · May 12, 2009, 12:01 PM

It's time to move on with your life and find someone who isn't married.

Married = Off the market

Having deep feelings for someone and having to break up is never easy, but it has to be done.

How do you think his wife would feel if she found out about your affair with this man? Even if you end up with him, you know he's going to cheat on you.

You are better than this.

Fr_Chuck · May 12, 2009, 12:03 PM

Bet something happens to that apartment in 2 months, there are 100's of empty ones today, why is he having to wait, come home, or send wife home and go be with you.

He is where he wants to be,

kp2171 · May 12, 2009, 12:13 PM

So how is that apartment better than a hotel room?

Finding private space for you is not any kind of real commitment.

I'm sorry, its just the truth.

How about some real perspective?

I've been married over 9 years. Found out my wife had an extended affair with a married man... over seven years. She waited and waited and waited for him.

He never left his wife. He supposedly loves her, but will not leave his wife and his kids. She still loves him. And me. Regular jerry springer stuff. Almost.

Can't tell you where we are going to be in a year. But I can tell you that she knows she's wasted some of the best years of her life on a man who wasn't hers, and she's channeled energy and emotion in a relationship that left her feeling morally bankrupt and deserted by the man for whom she risked everything.

She may very well lose me. Time with her son. Her public self respect. Potentially even her job. Or not. I'm not exactly sure where I will land.

So... until you can explain to me how 18 months doesn't become 20, then 2 years, then more... I just don't see much reason for you to think he is doing anything that moves him closer to you.

He is married and he isn't changing that.

Everything else is lip service. I hope you demand more for yourself.

talaniman · May 12, 2009, 12:18 PM

My question is do I believe him
Your his mistress, you supposed to believe any crap he throws at you. No matter how dumb it sounds.
And start to make plans or it's just another lie.Of course you make plans, and do whatever he tells you because your a mistress.
What's 2 more months of my life
You have not given a darn about yourself thus far, whats 2 more months of your life??
But then there will be another exucse...
Confused about what? Do as he says and let him worry about the thinking part, why change whats been working so great for him?
I'm so confuse...
I guess that's what he wants
It does help a guy when your confused, and can't think about whats good for yourself. Makes you a better booty call.

Keep doing what your doing, and stay confused, and he will keep doing what he has been doing.

roxypox · May 12, 2009, 02:20 PM

Once again my first thoughts are (like they always are about situations like this): WHY one EARTH would you want to be with a guy who isn't available? If I ever met a guy that was in a relationship, married or otherwise engaged; I would see him as of limits.

You need to start takeing care of yourself. Sleeping with (being the booty call of) some married man is not a way of takeing care of yourself.

Stop believing his lies, he hasn't left his wife in the 18 months you've been seeing him; why should you believe him now?

Also, why would you want him. He cheated on a woman he is married to, and he made a lot of dead serious promises to her... and well there he is; sleeping with you on the side.

Also: you have NO guarantees that he won't do that to you!! If he says he won't; well, it'll most likely be just another lie... one more lie for his collection.

Dump his sorry bottom! Move on and start loving yourself! Don't you think you deserve someone who is there for you, and you alone. One who can be proud to say that You're his girlfriend and not just some squeeze he has on the side?

Survivor07 · May 12, 2009, 02:21 PM

"There's been quite a few red flags that he's not moving out..."

Really? You don't say? The first red flag was the ring on his finger...

I'm sorry you don't think very highly of yourself.

Cheating, lying husbands love women like you---lonely, confused, insecure, always available to do anything they want you to and believe all the BS that spews from their mouths...

Do you honestly believe that the two of you will live happily ever after beginning in July? A relationship based on lies and shame? The taboo will be gone and all will be out in the open.
The man will be jumping from his wife's bed to your bed overnight and you expect it to work long term, after the nasty divorce of course? Come on!

This is nothing but a fantasy you're allowing him to live. Like Tal said, you're just the mistress.

Please see the light and drop this guy before you waste any more of your life and salvage any self respect you have left. You deserve more, whether you believe it or not.

none12345 · May 12, 2009, 02:29 PM

Got to spread the rep survivy.

I totally agree with this post.

Do yourself a favour and don't get between a marriage, you're just being used. All these empty promises won't get you anywhere. You can find a SINGLE guy that is all yours and not shared with anyone else and especially not married during all this time you decide to "wait" for something that was not your's to begin with. Don't waste any more time.

0rphan · May 12, 2009, 03:00 PM

Hi csmith100,

You don't need me to add to the rest of the posts saying you should not have gone there,you know that already... since you have, I think for now, you should stay away, let him sign this so called lease, he doesn't need you there to do that.

Wait until you are sure that he has come clean with his wife... even if you have to check it out yourself, remember he is so clever at lying, especially for 18 months, you must not trust his word he says.

The choice is then yours... do you move in with this cheating lying adulterer?

Who incidentally will do the same to you.

Or... do you now turn your back on him which is what he really deserves?