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jono249 · May 11, 2009, 10:25 AM

Ive recently split up from my wife due to an affair that she had however at the time I found out she was carrying my child. We have now been separated for the last 9 months and she has gave birth to my daughter which I'm so longing to see and be part of her life.
As I'm in the army and posted in a different country it makes it so hard to see my daughter which I've only seen one hour of so far and she's 3 weeks old now.The problem is that me and the mother have had a bitter split and she has over the last few months tried to get at me in evey way possible even through family and the army making my life misery which is why I don't even want to talk to her or see her as she always takes the takes to get to me. I know that I have to keep some contact and also see her for my daughters sake but my wife will only let me see my daughter under her rules as in I can see her at the mothers house with her hanging over me and I just can't let that happen as I know that she will try to control my life even more than she does already (well trys) there is no medical reason why I can't see my daughter at my moms just me and my daughter and have no more envolvment with the mother than hi what time you picking her up and when she needs to be fed. I know that she is holding my daughter in this way because she has a mind set of if I can't have him no one will and he can't have a life if he doesn't come back. Am I being unreasonable or am I being right as I don't want to subject me or my daughter to petty arguments that me and the mother have will have and always had as I don't want this to ever have an effect on her as this is what me and my brother had when my parents split plus I know that she would only get worse if I back down she takes more and more all the time. All I want is to see my girl with her dad in his environment and with out the mother. Any surgestions would be gratefully excepted thank you for your time.

Synnen · May 11, 2009, 10:33 AM

You need to:

1. get a lawyer
2. Go to court and get a custody order, visitation order, and child support amounts set up.
3. FIGHT for the opportunities to spend time with your child. You may not get the child overnights at first, but there should be no reason why you can't get visitation without the mother for at least a couple hours at a time.

ScottGem · May 11, 2009, 11:35 AM

While the child is still breastfeeding, it will be difficult to see the child without having the mother nearby. But once the child is weaned from the breast there should be no impediment to being able to take her for a few hours. As she gets older the visitation can be extended.

But you need to get visitation established by a court and then make sure the court enforces the visitation order.