[Girl1234]

We are just dating for 1 month and things just moved really fast, I really like him even though he is not 100% my type...

We had a conversation last weekend and he told me that he is not sure why I am with him (maybe he just need an reinsurance) and he wants to make sure that I like him for himself and not just for his money.

When he told me that he was thinking that all this time, I felt very offended, because that is not the case at all, I have a very good 9-5 job, but let’s face it, I work in Tourism industry and he has a really well paid job in Finance. So he makes a lot more money than me.
I don't really care about that and I have no expectations at this early stage, but I do like to go to nice places, however I am not expecting him to pay for everything but he suggest that we should pay for everything 1/2 and 1/2.

My last ex-boyfriend also made tons of money and we paid rent and expenses according to our income (obviously he paid more) and he also took me to for a lot of trips and nice restaurants and gave me expensive gifts. However, I also did a lot for him, like I could spent my hold paycheck in his Birthday present or Christmas present to show him that I did appreciated. (We were together for more than 2 years.. ) and I also invited him out as much as I could (obviously he did it more.. )

This is the thing, I am a very nice good looking girl and I had lots of guys around me when I became single again (including some of his friends.. ) and he is not very good looking and he looks much older. He asked me what do I see on him ( I think I never told him all the good things that I see on him ) and I have the feeling that his friends asked him the same question.. ).
He has a lot of good things and that is why I picked him, so I told him and he seemed to understand.. We had a really deep conversation and that issue seemed to be over but I am not sure if I will be able to forget what he though about me.

We were fine after the conversation and I was willing to forget. By the way I took him that weekend to a nice Hotel in the beach (I paid! ). I wanted to go to have a nice dinner but he offer instead go for a very casual meal in a not very good place (not my style at all).
Let’s face it! I have an expensive taste.. but I couldn't reinforce my opinion because I thought he might think again I was with him for money..
That really bothered me because I don’t like to have those thoughts.. and I told him that maybe is not going to work.. he said that we should split everything 50/50 then, which I also think is not that fair (I am not expecting him to pay for everything but I don't like to divide everything 50/50).
Should I leave him before I get more involved (I already have some feelings for him) because there are also other things from his personality that I am not sure.. but I don't like that we already have money issues at this early stage... Also I feel like I have to prove him that I am not like that when I never done anything to deserve that, I've been a very nice and caring girlfriend (maybe too nice.. )

I would appreciate some honest advice...

[pathisfer]

I agree with you, you should just cut your losses on this one. I can't imagine a guy I'm dating asking me to split things 50/50 in the first month of dating yet... he was more than willing to go along for a weekend where YOU paid for it all. He has some issues and his lack of generousity will spill into other areas of your relationship if you allow this to continue.

[Girl1234]

Thank you for your response.
I organize the weekend and paid for hotel and activities but I don't want to be unfare, he offer to pay for drinks and food, and that was almost the same at the end.
When I left him because I was confused, he was very sad and he thought that issue was over and then he suggest the 50/50 and he even asked me If I expect a guy to pay for everything...
That made me more upset..
How can I say that I don't expect that.. but I do not want to be in a 50/50 relationship..

[Justwantfair]

Doesn't sound like you have been single for very long, considering, you do not make very good money and still consider yourself to have expensive taste.

Maybe you needed a little more of the single life before saddling back into a relationship. When you can appreciate the nice things maybe he won't see you as after him for his money.

When you are happy doing what you can afford, you will be a happier person.

[pathisfer]

Personally, this isn't a relationship I would get into. It's only been a month and he's making it clear he's not going to go out of his way to even impress you much and dating is supposed to be fun, not talking about how he only plans to invest 50% right off the bat. I can understand later on in a relationship where you start to pick up the tab once in awhile but this is pretty ridiculous. He makes more money than you and he should enjoy taking you places and footing the bill, simple. You have every reason to be upset because he doesn't seem like much of a gentleman. What happens if you have kids later on down the line, imagine how he'll be then!

[Justwantfair]

Personally, this isn't a relationship I would get into. It's only been a month and he's making it clear he's not going to go out of his way to even impress you much and dating is supposed to be fun, not talking about how he only plans to invest 50% right off the bat. I can understand later on in a relationship where you start to pick up the tab once in awhile but this is pretty ridiculous. He makes more money than you and he should enjoy taking you places and footing the bill, simple. You have every reason to be upset because he doesn't seem like much of a gentleman. What happens if you have kids later on down the line, imagine how he'll be then!

I don't agree, there shouldn't be a stipulation that the man is required to court a woman in this day and age, I think that an expectation of a 50/50 arrangement is reasonable, no matter how long they have been dating. Even if is an alternating, expensive v. cheap. Women should be happy to contribute to dating.

[spitvenom]

A month is a very short time to ask for the 50/50 thing I would think most guys (including myself) would want to impress a girl and refuse any money a new girl would offer. I am just wondering if his past girlfriends were just with him for his money and he is just lumping you into the same category as them.

[Girl1234]

Thanks for the advice!
First, I do appreaciate all details and I've done more for him already... I ve never dd anything that would gave him that impression and YES he told me he was surrounding by those types of women before...

Also, I do have a good job, and I can afford to go out on my own, he just makes waay more oney than me...
I also agree that at this stage a guy should enjoy to take you out and pay the bill, just because is normal at this point ( Of course I will also do the same sometimes... )

[Alty]

I have a question for all you girls.

If a guy said to you "When we get married you will stay at home, bare foot and pregnant, take care of the house, the kids, my needs" what would you say?

Would you be okay with that, or would you demand that you are equal, with equal rights?

You can't have it both ways. You cannot expect people to treat women equally when you won't treat guys equally.

We're not living in the 1950's anymore. Nowadays women have careers, make money, can take care of themselves, so why do you think it's still a guys place to pay for everything?

50/50 sounds fair to me, especially since you've only been dating for a month.

If you have expensive taste, then you better start saving your money so you can buy the things you want.

Just my opinion.

[pathisfer]

Also, you shouldn't have to 'prove' to him that you aren't after his money, good lord! You should be able to date a guy and have him pay for it without feeling like he's looking to see if you have an agenda.

[Justwantfair]

Just because he has a well paying job, doesn't mean that he is well off.

There are other factors that maybe going on behind the scenes, high debt ratio, high monthly expenses, living beyond his means.

Old girlfriends that he has paid above and beyond for.

Just because he makes more doesn't mean his financial position is better than yours. I think you should be happy to contribute to dating, it shows that you can stand on your own two feet.

I don't want men to take care of me, when they can/do, that's a gift.

[Girl1234]

Thank you!
First just to make it clear, this is not a money issue to me.
I can afford my taste, and I don't mind going 50/50 with a partner, I've done it many times.. but just not at this early stage..
I am not selfish, I date guys with less money than me, and I paid more... I think it should be a balance..
Also, my problem is that I shouldn't have to prove something because I never did anything wrong with him... is not my fault that he was meeting other types of women before...

[Justwantfair]

So don't prove anything, I don't really believe that he is asking you to.

Every person is different, if he is asking to split the dating expenses, either you want to or you don't.

If you don't mind or come to other terms, then carry on in your relationship. One month is not too early to make the request.

If you do mind, then you have a window into what a future would be like with this individual so you have a choice to make.

[stevetcg]

I don't believe that this is about money but about perception. A resonable person will know that someone is better looking than he is. And if he is equally reasonable, his first inclination is to ask "why me?". I don't believe he is looking for affirmation of your interest or not in his money, I believe he is looking for affirmation in your interest in him.

After all, you're the hottie, not him.

I joke with my fiancée all the time about how I am OK with people looking at us and saying "wow - he must be rich".

Only I'm not joking.

[Girl1234]

Wow!
Thank you so much! I think that it is... I think I am going to talk to him again...