What does age have to do with it?

mstip8509 · May 11, 2009, 12:08 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 1/2 years. He is 44 years old and I'm only 21. But when we first met I lied and told him I was 27, now things are really going good we are talking about getting our own place and having children, but I'm so afraid that eventually he is going to find out how old I am and there may not be an "us" in the future... can someone give me some advice on how to handle this situation. I have met his whole family but he haven't met any of my family yet, I'm so scared that once he finds out he will leave me and I will proably go crazy. He is so good to me I can talk to him about anything and he understands... I don't think no one else will ever compare with him... what should I do before he finds out about my age before I tell him?. or how should I go about telling him??

Nestorian · May 11, 2009, 01:05 AM

Perhaps the fact that you lied, is the answer you are looking for.

What does age have to do with it, unless you are not mature enough to take responsibility for your emotions/actions and thus still need to learn who you really are...

Perhaps you should ask yourself, why did I tell him something other than the truth?

"im so scared that once he finds out he will leave me and I will proably go crazy. He is so good to me i can talk to him about anything and he understands"-You
Does he? Perhaps you would like to explian why he would not understand this situation?? Yet he'd understand countless others... Maybe you have been lying to not only him, but also yourself, No? That statement seems to imply such things, and I advise you to find your self, as you must make yourself happy, he can not do that for you, that woud be a misconception.

"i don't think no one else will ever compare with him"-You

You may consider thinking about this one. Open your mind to the truth of the matter. What you say here is suggesting that you have a cognitive deficency. Not to worry, it sounds worse than it is. A Cognitive Deficency is when a person ignores important factors within a given situation. Like selective hearing, you block out things that are not what you what to focus on.
Forexample: In this, your, situation you see him as "the only one for you". This is cutting out any possible future with any other man. This can lead to many issues and even self blaming or even blaming others; like me, for trying to anger you, or upset you, when all I'm doing is in fact informing you of you ability to think and be aware in respects to your cognitive capabilities.
So, you have a kind of tunnel vision where you can only see so much of the picture when there is so much more to the situation. This means you may overrate the external factors in your life, like this man. He may be wonderful, but he is not the only one, not to your knowledge at least.

Loosen up, so that should he be upset enough to leave you when you tell him the truth, then you can handle it and accept it with out tearing yourself apart. Odd I know. But it's true, and may just help you.

IF he listens well now, then trust him to listen when you tell him the truth. Find a time and place to be alone with him, not in bed! but where you can sit and talk alone and be focused on the matter at hand. He may not care at all, but I'm sure he will be a little upset that you lied. If he really does love you, then I'm sure he'll get over it. I do find it odd that he doesn't know your age, which once again brings me back to why are you so afraid?

It's your life, and now it's time to step up and accept the responsibility for it. I suggest you learn to love, forgive, respect, know, and ultimately be yourself. As I've said before, "How can you know your soul mate, if you don't know your self?"

Peace and kindness be with you

liz28 · May 12, 2009, 08:52 AM

OP, tell him the truth now.

talaniman · May 12, 2009, 08:59 AM

You lied, and are afraid of the consequences. Have the courage to tell the truth. Better from you, than another source. Then deal with it together.

h_leann_b · May 12, 2009, 11:17 AM

Oh jeez I agree. Come clean now. Tell him why you lied. And holy cow how did you lie about being that young for 2 1/2 years? He has never seen your ID? You have never gone to clubs with him etc. Defiently come clean asap.

I wish · May 12, 2009, 11:53 AM

There's no way to get into a serious relationship without telling the other person the truth about your age. So the sooner you tell him the truth, the better.

It's too bad that you had to lie because after you tell him the truth, he will wonder what else you lied about.

This is definitely going to cause a rift between the two of you. You should be prepared that you might have to work to regain his trust.

Come clean and face the consequences of your decision about lying in the first place.

Fr_Chuck · May 12, 2009, 12:08 PM

Telling the truth is a lot cheaper than buying false ID with different ages on them. And a lot more legal

He is going to find out when you have a birthday party with friends and family, When you get married, has to be on the marriage license and so on

liz28 · May 12, 2009, 12:41 PM

The point is you must have thought age have a lot to do with it if you had to lie about your age. Lying about this important factor isn't right and you never know who he might knows that knows you.

It is better that he hear it from you instead of someone else.

BMI · May 12, 2009, 12:49 PM

Age has plenty to do with it. Evidenced by this post.