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Survivor07 · May 9, 2009, 06:59 PM

My ex and I are divorced. We have a five year old whom he has not seen in two years.

He is a drug addict with a criminal record. Because of this, I was awarded sole physical and legal custody. He was granted the right to supervised visitation which he did a few times but then stopped showing up.

I had filed for child support and an Order was put into place two and a half years ago but I have never seen a dime.

He was brought before the Court three different times for contempt for nonpayment. Each time he brings a letter from his doctor saying he can't work due to a back injury and this satisfies the Court and they let him go.

This latest court hearing had me fuming. He showed up with yet another letter from the same doctor (it's the same doctor who prescribed him pain pills that he then got addicted to and it escalated from there). The letter stated that he cannot work due to his disability through the end of 2009. So the hearing officer put a freeze on the court order, meaning no arrears will be held against him.

If I appeal this, like I did before, the judge just tells him to file for social security disability. My ex told the Court he has done this but has been turned down.

My ex doesn't have a relationship with my child but I think he should still pay support. I can't believe the system is letting him get away with this. He lives in a house that he owns and drives a vehicle that he owns. He is living off something!! I just can't believe this.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get past this anger or what steps I should take next? I work full time and get no extra help from anyone. I'm managing just fine, but it is very hard.

Fr_Chuck · May 9, 2009, 07:09 PM

Your lawyer should get court orders for his tax records, his house payment records, he car payment records and prove to the court that he is having income and is merely hiding it from the court.

Survivor07 · May 9, 2009, 07:19 PM

I thought of this, too. But here's the kicker: He hasn't filed taxes since 2005.

Whatever he's doing is under the table or illegal.

As far as the house payments, there are none. We owned the house together. It was paid off.

As part of the divorce settlement, all we had was that house and my retirement and two old vehicles. I let him have the house in exchange for my retirement. I didn't want to live in it and he wouldn't leave. Long story short, my attorney said it was the best thing to do.

My lawyer suggested bringing in the doctor, etc. because we don't believe he's disabled, or having him followed by a private investigator. But, all of this costs ME more money, that I don't have, and seems a little crazy to me.

I think what I need to do is somehow accept that he is not going to pay and somehow let go of the anger from it.

I've let go of everything else from the divorce. This just keeps me up at night.

Fr_Chuck · May 9, 2009, 07:38 PM

Yes a PI, is another option.

IWHO · May 9, 2009, 07:50 PM

Well, he is STILL getting money from somewhere... for food, gas, electricity, clothes... essentials...

I like the idea of getting the doctor in to testify, and maybe another doctor to go over the records if that's possible... I don't think his doctor would like to be called into court because that will hurt his reputation if he is found to be a liar and a cheat... and if he IS found to be faking documents, I would file a suit against him.. Maybe your attorney could make a call to this doctor and tell him that you are going to pursue his being called in to testify and see what happens...

Survivor07 · May 9, 2009, 08:10 PM

Yes, IWHO, you're right. I think calling the doctor in would be sooo interesting.

I know for a fact the same doctor is being looked into for all the prescriptions he writes to drug addicts.

When asked where he gets his money for food, gas, etc. he just says his family gives him the money. I find that extremely unbelievable for many reasons.

Anyway, why I'm asking for opinions is twofold:

1. I don't have the money to keep fighting for this, so should I give up? I make payments for my legal fees when I can, but the money could be spent for more important things.

2. If I give up, how do I deal with the anger? Will it go away?

My family says it's worth all the money in the world just to have him out of my and my daughter's life. But, still, it doesn't seem right, to just let him get away with this. He gets away with so much.

Thanks all

IWHO · May 9, 2009, 08:29 PM

How ironic that you chose the name "Survivor"... you ARE a survivor... and you will survive this too...

Here is what you need to tell yourself...
1. Don't spend any more money on "HIM"... and that is what you are doing by fighting this...
2. By NOT fighting this, you have WON... he is OUT of your life... you are NOT spending any more money on trying to fight this "LOSER"... you are going on with your life, so YOU WON!. reward yourself, celebrate... and get on with things in your life that will bring YOU happiness... that is the BEST thing you can do for yourself, and the WORST thing you can do to him... right now he knows you are miserable, or upset... if you drop this he may think for a while that he has won, but then he will hear how happy you are, and how you have gone on with your life, and then he will realize that he LOST and you WON!

Survivor07 · May 9, 2009, 11:12 PM

Thanks IWHO.

You're right. I survived this long without help and I am happy and so is my daughter.

I will try to see it in this light. Spending money to fight this is like spending money on HIM. Thinking like that helps.

In the long run, I think saving my sanity is better than having a little money. Thank you