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hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 04:30 PM

Well I came into this relationship with bad intentions but early on changed because she seemed to be different then the rest of the women I've been meeting. Well our first 4 months were amazing just so much chemistry on so many levels, like I used to work near her home so she would pass by everyday bring me dinner and a quick kiss to get me through the day. I think because of the fact that I saw her everyday we both just fell in love really quick. But anyway around month 4 she had a trip out to NY to visit family and after she came back I heard that there was a family friend that was really attracted to her and I mad nothing of it. Well she comes back and I had quit the job near her house while she was gone so we weren't seeing each other everyday it became about a once a week thing and things were fine. About a month ago month 5 of our relationship she got a free ticket from her aunt to come out to Florida for 10 days her aunt is about her age but married. Well while she was there we got into a couple fights about her clubbing I mean if your taken in my opinion you have no business going to a club without your man. I don't know if that's just me being a bit conservative or if I really have a point but anyway while we were fighting her aunt would overhear us arguing on the phone and my girlfriend later told me that her aunt had explained to her how I would never work. Sidetrack we also got into a fight because her best GF told me a lot of bad things about her I don't know if there true but I confronted her about this and she called me crazy she has a tendency of doing this when she's wrong or about to be busted. But I told her I didn't care what she did in the past I don't judge people on there pasts just how they are with me. But she assured me that her girlfriend was lying and even called the girl up so that she could tell me she was just angry at her and trying to get back at her the only way she could. She is from a pretty strict culture and her family is VERY opposed to dating outside of where they are from. So her mother and father didn't know about me but back to her aunt her aunt had told her if her mother found out about her and I that she would be heartbroken and her father would disown her. So we got into a series of fights a couple very short breakups over this. Like we will be good and then she tells me shell have feelings of being hopeless about us considering we will never work without her family disowning her a couple time she's told me that none of that mattered she wants me no matter what the consequence and I feel 100% the same. But its gotten to a point where she will be perfectly fine one day to a complete mess the next. For example we got into a fight and broke up and I left her alone and gave her her space so she calls me crying and sends me a 17 page text of how she wants to change and be able to love me without putting me through all this, after all this we planned to meet the next day and go out for dinner and have a talk about us and what we were going to do. So the next day I call her and she is completely emotionless like I was talking to her and she really didn't care so I asked her back to being hopeless and she says yes so I'm like do you still want to go out for dinner and she's like no not really but why not... At that point I got angry she went through all that trouble to set that up then at the end she tells me "no not really but why not?" so I'm just like forget it so we argue and decide it would be best to stop talking.

Like I'm so lost, I'm so in love with her she's the first woman I let my guard down to in a long time. She completely rocked my world and then changed into a different person. I don't know if this is just her scared to commit or if she's just playing games. I don't know she hides a lot of her past from me. She only tells me certain bits and if I ask she tells me her past doesn't concern me. She is a complete Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde and she admits that. Like what do I do? She has so many issues with herself and her family that I didn't know about. I really LOVVVE her and am completely lost.

Don't mind all the spelling and grammatical errors or how its all jumbled this all was rushed and floating around in my head.

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 04:43 PM

Also after almost every fight she usually calls me back crying how she can't lose me. But she doesn't know what to do about her hopeless feelings popping up. She is reminded daily of how I am not right for her from her family and friends, considering most of her friends are what she is. I just happened to fall in through a crack and we just happened.

She told me she doesn't like seeing me after we break up because that makes her want to get back together.

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 05:32 PM

Never mind people she made it clear were done for good. I never thought I'd be on this end of it. It love evidently sucks.

Wondergirl · May 9, 2009, 05:37 PM

Now what?

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 07:01 PM

I honestly don't know. I as calling to leave her a voicemail saying bye for good and that I was sorry we couldn't prove everyone else wrong. But once I heard the beep I just blanked out. So I hang up think of exactly what I was going to say and call back as I'm leavingbthe message she tells me to stop trying to talk to her. So I deleted her number. Now I guess I start acting like none of this affects me and focus on my real priorities? Easier said then done but oh well it's my only alternative.

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 07:02 PM

Oh and she told me through a text.*

Wondergirl · May 9, 2009, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by hamada123

calling to leave her a voicemail saying bye for good

Why would you do that?

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 07:16 PM

Well the last break up seemed un-salvageable. Pride is my downfall, although I truly am in love with this girl I've never had to work for a woman. With her I have to work for it even when she's wrong. When someone constantly tells you that there's no future then you start believing it. Plus I would never ask her to betray her family by talking to me I love her too much to see her torn like this.

Wondergirl · May 9, 2009, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by hamada123

Well the last break up seemed un-salvageable. Pride is my downfall, although I truly am in love with this girl I've never had to work for a woman. With her I have to work for it even when she's wrong. When someone constantly tells you that there's no future then you start believing it. Plus I would never ask her to betray her family by talking to me I love her to much to see her torn like this.

Are you ready to do honest and real NC now and work on yourself?

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 07:23 PM

Nc?

Wondergirl · May 9, 2009, 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by hamada123

Nc?

No Contact. Not to her in response to a message from her, or to her from your head or heart. NO contact at all.

IWHO · May 9, 2009, 07:39 PM

Hamada... from what I have read... it's over... it was over way before she said it was over... the on one minute, off the next, and "oh my family wouldn't approve", etc.. Were all excuses, all drama, all a mess, stringing you along... she hides her past from you... and only tells you bits and pieces... you don't deserve this from anyone... I'm sorry you let your guard down for someone like this... move on, don't talk to her if she tries again... it will only prolong your hurt... I think Nc means No Contact... and they are right...

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 07:58 PM

Well she's going to be in my head and Heart for a while we did everything together which only makes it harder. I'm reminded of her while doing everything... I got so used to treating women so ty that when I really cared about one I thought I'd get the Same love, trust and respect back. But karmas a bit**. And iwho I've felt that way to but she would usually call me practically bawl for us to find a way for it to work. Like no matter what I did I could take her out and she would forgive me. Like I understand what your saying but I really hve heard about what her family thinks of my people. So it could go both ways I honestly think she wants to end it now before it gets harder. And I know I deserve the best and she was that at first but she just changed. Like I gave up a lot to be with her and it truly sucks knowing that it was all for nothing. I told her from the beginning the one thing I won't forgive is lying and she told me certain things about her past that didn't seem right. But I've always had trust and commitment issues before so I thought it as my head playing games. Heartbreak blows.

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 08:05 PM

And I deleted all contact from her just have to get rid of all the love letters and cds she made me. Illtry to get bck into my old routine of gym school work. Just like I couldn't help falling in love with her I can't help feeling like about losing her. Sadly I thought before the drama she could be the one I guess it just got to her that she couldn't live a picture perfect life.

IWHO · May 9, 2009, 08:17 PM

Yes, heartbreak blows... hard... and you know, I have come to realize that cultures are not really that different from one another... some people think they are, but that's just because they haven't take the time to get to know another culture... you say her family doesn't think much of your "people"... well, they just haven't take the time, maybe never will, to expand their horizons and see that people are just people... it's sad when cultures keep people apart and create problems for them... romeo and juliet... but the hiding of her past... not sure about that... kind of tells me something was not quite right to begin with... and to end it now before it gets harder, yeah, probably a good idea, sorry to say...

I'm glad you logged on here and asked a question... take the time to read about other's questions and answers... and maybe post a comment or two... it will help you...

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 08:29 PM

Yea her family is old school but your right I don't need someone to hide things from me out of all people. I'm the last person to judge on someone's past when your in love though it's just like denial I felt like I was wrong for asking and she made me feel like every time I guess that's what I get. I told myself no more games I just made her an exception. Thanks for the help.

Jake2008 · May 9, 2009, 08:34 PM

Thinking about this on both sides of the coin, the relationship only lasted a short while, and only a small portion of that was good before reality started to kick in, for both of you.

Regardless of the eventual perceived problems with both families, the relationship does not seem to me that it was ever strong enough to weather any of the inevitable storms.

Her changing may have much to do with guilt, remorse, insecurity, and mixed feelings about commitment. All that adds up to the mixed messages and confusion that you get.

You sound more experienced with life in general to me. You have some idea of what you want in a woman, and how a relationship should be based on trust and honesty. I don't hear that she has the same outlook.

It seems like you are trying to see qualities in her that you have yourself.

Don't think of this as a loss, although it hurts. Realize that all the qualities that you were looking for in her, you already possess, and those qualities you will bring to the next relationship, and with any luck, a more compatible relationship will develop.

hamada123 · May 9, 2009, 08:44 PM

Yea you hit it dead on when I think of it I did want her to be like me in a way. Whatever own up to your mistakes the only way something positive will come out of it. But I'm going to get some sleep and maybe a cigarette(;

IWHO · May 9, 2009, 08:50 PM

Originally Posted by hamada123

Yea you hit it dead on when I think of it I did want her to be like me in a way. Whatever own up to your mistakes the only way something positive will come out of it. But I'm going to get some sleep and maybe a cigarette(;

Naw, don't smoke... just sleep... tomorrow will be better... :D