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lindey_calvaro · May 8, 2009, 01:27 PM

I know I have a problem, and I just want to stop. But it's so much harder than that.

I started being bulimic in 8th grade because I knew it was a way to lose added weight. I was already starving myself (allowing no more than 500 calories a day with a rigorous exercise routine), and I just got downright scary looking. It was so hard to kick the habit but I finally did.

Right after I kicked one habit, I picked up another, cutting. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep and the happy feeling cutting gave me was such a relief. I stopped after my boyfriend had a conniption when he found out.

Now that I'm older, I'm worried that I have a tendency to get into more serious things. Weed and alcohol have the same effects all those other things did for me growing up. I've been staying away from them for awhile, but I'm miserable. I get chest pains. I just want it all to stop because I'm afraid of where this might end up.

N0help4u · May 8, 2009, 01:39 PM

Why are you getting chest pains? You need to get that diagnosed first. It could be anxiety or it could be adrenaline stress or it could be something worse.
You should find some help/support groups and find groups that you can get involved with a hobby or something to give you something positive in your life.
I will try to think of some other things.
What are your eating habits now?

lindey_calvaro · May 8, 2009, 03:50 PM

I eat healthy now. 3 meals a day, etc. with an occasional diet now and then. Thanks I appreciate it :)

simoneaugie · May 8, 2009, 04:08 PM

All of the activities you mentioned are synonymous with anorexia and purging. They temporarily blunt fear, anger and emotional pain. The answer to why you're attempting to escape from these feelings cannot be found while doing these things. You already know that.

Counseling and soul-searching can bring the answers you seek. A group of people that you can talk to honestly is wonderful. Actively seek out reasons you feel angry, sad and lonely. Remember that the addictive behaviors are forms of anger/fear turned inward, towards yourself. Then learn new ways of dealing with this stuff, ways that may feel weird at first.

Find at least one person with whom you can be completely honest. Tell yourself the truth too. Help others whenever possible, 'cause that helps you.