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alejandro2009 · May 5, 2009, 11:15 PM

Hi, I'm a sophomore in high school. There is this kid that wants to fight me but I don't not want to fight him. When I was in middle school in the 8th grade him and I had fought because he was kept picking on me so I got tired one day and punched it got me suspended. So now he just got transferred to my school and turns out to be in some of my classess and he is provoking me to fight again but I don't want to. I already beat him up before and I wonder why fight me again? Ever since then I've been staying out of trouble. It gotten to the point where he slapped me in the face. What should I do?? Someone please give me good advice.

Mayank Verma · May 6, 2009, 11:16 AM

If you have courage say sorry to him for whatever you did! Otherwise try to help him always when he is in trouble without coming in front because may be he refused to take your help. Some day when he knows that you are really helpful for him. He will be changed! Try to mix with her like always try to support him for any matter!

mudweiser · May 6, 2009, 11:19 AM

You need to tell your school's guidance coucilor, vice or main principal or even a teacher you trust.

Tell your parents too.

Bully only stop if you get authorities get them to stop.

Good luck to you.

Sarah

mudweiser · May 6, 2009, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by Mayank Verma

If you have courage say sorry to him for whatever you did! Otherwise try to help him always when he is in trouble without coming in front because may be he refused to take your help. Some day when he knows that you are really helpful for him. He will be changed! Try to mix with her like always try to support him for any matter!

I disagree with you.

Why would you say sorry? Let alone try to help him in "any matter"-- this is just stupid.

If you mean "kill him with kindness" well that is another thing... but you don't want to send the wrong message and play the submissive victim.

Yes he can be polite to him.
Yes he can help him with something in class or when he asks for it.
Yes he can stand up for himself yet keep his distance from the bully.

That's just my opinion.

Sarah

taoplr · May 6, 2009, 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by alejandro2009

Hi, im a sophmore in high school. There is this kid that wants to fight me but i dont not want to fight him. When I was in middle school in the 8th grade him and I had fought because he was kept picking on me so I got tired one day and punched it got me suspended. So now he just got transferred to my school and turns out to be in some of my classess and he is provoking me to fight again but i dont want to. I already beat him up before and i wonder why fight me again? Ever since then I've been staying out of trouble. It gotten to the point where he slapped me in the face. What should i do??? someone please give me good advice.

Alej,

Once it gets to the point that he has slapped you, a physical confrontation is inevitable. The perfect solution would be for you have the skill and presence of mind (being centered, focused, secure in yourself) to physically control him without having a fist fight. Unless there is a huge difference in your physical abilities, this would require a year or so of martial arts training and some serious determination on your part. In any case, you should look into mixed martial arts; this sort of situation is what they are for.

If you did nothing to him that started all this, the guy is just a bully. You would be wise to find out if you did start the whole thing, and if so an apology is called for, as Mayank recommended. If he has just decided to pick on you, and you are innocent of wrong doing, an available target, the thing that will stop him is that you set a boundary line that, if he crosses it, the consequences are beyond what he is willing to experience. You can set this boundary alone or with help from others, and the consequences can be physical or social (e.g. getting kicked out of school).

Bullies are always cowards. You can stop them/him with physical control, as mentioned above, or with mental/behavioral control by getting him believe that crossing that boundary line is just not worth it. This belief produces fear, which, if you act in a trustworthy way over time, can turn into respect. Think long and hard about this.

Your goal should be to convert this guy from enemy to ally. The only way to this is respect. If you have to fight him to get that respect (not the best option, but sometimes called for) then you should talk with the appropriate person at school and let them know that (1) this situation exists and you are doing your best to keep it from becoming a fight, (2) you are expecting them to handle things fairly if it comes to a fight, and not blame you, and (3) if nothing happens at their level to stop it, you will soon be forced to fight.

You probably don't want to take things to the authorities. But covering your butt is a good idea. If in the end there is no way to escape a fight, make sure that he truly gives up before you quit. This is a mental thing, not physical. When he's convinced that he will always lose, he will leave you in peace.

alejandro2009 · May 6, 2009, 03:26 PM

All he is is a bully. I have been trying to avoid him and everything but he comes to me for problems. I am the kind of person that does not fight but when you look for it I do not back down. Martial arts is a good idea but I do not need it. I have been boxing since I was 13 and fighting him is not the problem I just do not want to hurt him. There is no point of me fighting him because I already beat him up in the past when he was bulling me. I think that since he got transferred to my school he wants to become like popular or get attention for he won't only be the new kid. Thanks everyone for your help

taoplr · May 6, 2009, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by alejandro2009

.... There is no point of me fighting him because i already beat him up in the past when he was bulling me....

You didn't beat him up. You punched him. Beating him up means really hurting him so the next time he thinks of you, he cringes in fear (which I do not recommend, and is not your nature) or getting him to lose the will to fight. As a boxer, you know that getting your opponent to lose the will to fight is better and safer than trying to knock him out.

Think it through. If you responded to him in a way that broke his will to fight you, what would that look like?

Villafan · May 9, 2009, 11:13 AM

Wow this guy sounds like a right idiot mate, why would he slap you? I'm surprised you didn't hit him then. But I respect you for not doing so. Just make sure it doesn't seem you are afraid to fight him, as some people may see this. If he does it again, warn him, just say "look i will let that slip, but really, do it again and i will retaliate", if he does then put him in is place. It sounds like this guy won't back off mate

HrvSavag3r · May 11, 2009, 05:26 AM

I rekon you should make a formal complaint, and ask your parent/s if they can take you to do some form of martial art. Because a bully will think twice about a person if he knows he can beat him up.
And you could simply say, mate I beat your arse once I don't want to humiliate you in front of every one again, and if he tries to hit you just walk away.

HrvSavag3r · May 22, 2009, 11:44 PM

Boxing is just as good :)
At primary school I was always bullied by every one because my parents are european so at school I was always called a stupid wog or something like that, I told my teacher and he laughed. So when I told my mum and dad they thought I should do some form of martial art. And I quite enjoyed it, I did karate for a couple years but got bored of the no contact so I went into kick boxing, its so much fun and it's a great hobby. :)

And maybe you should remind him of the fact that you do boxing and that you could drop him on his arse any time you want. When he's around put on a "macho man" persona, and if you act super confident in yourself, he might think that he is out of his league. But most importantantly if you use the macho thing and get to confident you might find bigger and stronger people want to get you so if you do use it use it in moderation