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mogdor · May 3, 2009, 09:04 AM

So I was in a 7 month relationship with a great girl, we were madly in love, I annoyed her, she dumped me, blah blah blah...

I will do my best to make this as simple as I can lol... so here's the situation:
After our breakup, my ex had 2 longtime friends and their daughter move in with her in the next couple weeks. These 2 people are no longer together, but are good friends and raise their daughter together. The girl is my ex's best friend from grade school, and the 3 of them are all pretty close friends.

A few weeks after our break up, I called my ex to see if I could come pick up some things I left there, and she mentioned how she was upset about a new picture I put on myspace and she didn't like seeing me "put myself out there", and told me to come pick up my things. When I got there, the guy living there answered the door... now mind you, she hadn't told me at this point that they were living there, and assumed I didn't recognize him (though I did from pictures). So he gave me my things and my ex didn't bother to come out and say hi.

So as I drove home I thought to myself she obviously wanted me to think she's shacking up with some new guy... so when I got home I wrote her an email saying I recognized her friend and glad that they were finally able to move into the area and start a new life, effectively shooting down her obvious attempt to make me jealous.

Now here's the part where I think she's lying... she wrote me back saying "oh ok, but me and him are together now because jess (her friend) will be gone for a long time and we realized we had feelings. We're planning on getting married now so I can be his daughter's stepmom and help raise her the right way"

I've come up with some reasons I think she's probably lying. First of all, she's showed jealousy on a couple occasions after our break up. Second, don't girls have this rule about not getting with their best friend's ex's? I think it's pretty obvious she just made that up because she's upset and trying to get back at me (for what reason I have yet to figure out)... but I know it's hard to be objective about the situation after you've been dumped, so any input here is appreciated!

Alty · May 3, 2009, 09:18 AM

I have one question. Why do you care what she's doing or who she's doing it with? You two are no longer together, so even if it is a lie why spend another minute of your life thinking about it?

It's time to put this girl where she belongs, in the past. She's no longer your concern. If she is trying to make you jealous what does it matter?

Go to No contact, get on with your life, meet someone new and forget about the ex.

Good luck.

nikosmom · May 3, 2009, 09:24 AM

Or maybe she's lying because she's done with you and wants you to move on.

mogdor · May 3, 2009, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

I have one question. Why do you care what she's doing or who she's doing it with? You two are no longer together, so even if it is a lie why spend another minute of your life thinking about it?

I appreciate the feedback... but I'm sure you know the answer to that question. I got dumped, I'm hurt, I want to get back together, all the obvious reasons.

I'm sure others might want to tell me what I should be doing, i.e. forget about her, move on, blah blah blah, and I do appreciate the advice and I am doing the "no contact" thing right now... but really all I'm interested in hearing is feedback about my original post, so I'll restate my question to make it clear:

Do you think she is lying? And what are your resons for why or why not you think she is?

Thanks, and again I do appreciate your advice and hope I'm not coming off as an... but I'm just interested in answers to my question, thanks.

mogdor · May 3, 2009, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by nikosmom

Or maybe she's lying because she's done with you and wants you to move on.

So you DO think she's lying... obviously I'm not taking what you wanted me to get from your comment, but this is comforting to hear, so thanks!

nikosmom · May 3, 2009, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by mogdor

So you DO think she's lying......obviously I'm not taking what you wanted me to get from your comment, but this is comforting to hear, so thanks!

No you're not taking the comment the way it was intended. I don't know if she was lying or not. I have no way of knowing if she is being truthful.

But the message is the same: she is done with you. It is over.

Alty · May 3, 2009, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by mogdor

I appreciate the feedback.......but I'm sure you know the answer to that question. I got dumped, I'm hurt, I want to get back together, all the obvious reasons.

I'm sure others might want to tell me what I should be doing, i.e. forget about her, move on, blah blah blah, and I do appreciate the advice and I am doing the "no contact" thing right now......but really all I'm interested in hearing is feedback about my original post, so I'll restate my question to make it clear:

Do you think she is lying? And what are your resons for why or why not you think she is?

Thanks, and again I do appreciate your advice and hope I'm not coming off as an ....but I'm just interested in answers to my question, thanks.

I don't know if she's lying any more then you do, my crystal ball is on the fritz. ;)

The point is that lying or not, she's obviously not interested in getting back together and sadly, it takes two to make a relationship work.

I know you feel hurt, that's normal, but obsessing about her motives or whether she's lying isn't going to help you do what you have to do and that's move on.

Really, it's time to let go. If it's meant to be then it will be, but no point waiting around waiting for something that may never happen. Go out and live, you only get one shot at life, don't waste yours dreaming about someone you may never have.

Good luck, I hope you find what you're looking for. :)

none12345 · May 3, 2009, 10:12 AM

Is she lying? Possibly but can't be proven without any facts. I think she is playing with your feelings and trying to make you jealous because I don't get how people can be committed to marriage so fast.

Regardless, even if that's the case or not, I would want to be with someone that is out in the open and straight up and tell you face to face that they want to be with you. I wouldn't want to play any games. You should want that kind of person too because I believe if someone loves you, they will tell you, not play games with you.

roxypox · May 3, 2009, 11:58 AM

I also think that whether she is lying is besides the point. I sympathies with the fact that you're hurting, but why wast time on this; on whether she is lying to you?

As for if I think she's lying? Well, I don't know her and she might be lying, but she might not be. She might actually have moved on with this guy. And are planing all these things or she is just telling you that she is so that you'll take the hint.. but why should it matter to you and your life? The pain is already a fact in your life. Why make it worse by getting hung up on this stuff?

Continue the NC for your own sake and start doing things that make you happy. Work out, have fun, hang out with friends and so on.

(ps: I realize that this is MOST likely NOT the type of answer you are looking for, I can't give you an answer because it would all be speculations... )

talaniman · May 3, 2009, 04:28 PM

Don't let your hurt feelings and false hope of getting her back, cause your mind to play tricks on you and have you questioning everything she does.

End this quest of looking for the wrong answers which mean nothing, and change nothing.

Now forget her, and deal with your hurt.

Survivor07 · May 3, 2009, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by none12345

Is she lying? Possibly but can't be proven without any facts. I think she is playing with your feelings and trying to make you jealous because i dont get how people can be committed to marriage so fast.

Regardless, even if thats the case or not, i would want to be with someone that is out in the open and straight up and tell you face to face that they want to be with you. I wouldnt want to play any games. You should want that kind of person too because i believe if someone loves you, they will tell you, not play games with you.

This is so right on. How can anyone, including you and especially us, know if she is lying without the facts?

What I can tell you is that I know you were lying when you sent the text about being happy her friends moved in. You're not happy about that at all. That was not your intent of the text. That is playing games.

These games aren't going to change what facts we all know exist: She is moving on and you need to also.

The more contact you have with her and the more investigating you do into her life, the longer the healing period will be for you.

I know how hard it is and how you're feeling really SUCKS. It's not fair, but it's life and it happens to everyone. Time will heal, especially time with NO CONTACT

Sorry you're not getting the answers you want to hear.

mogdor · May 3, 2009, 06:05 PM

To everybody...

Yes I realize nobody on here will know for sure what she's thinking any more than I do. And I know I need to move on and forget about it. Do I have a sliver of hope that we'll get back together? Yes I do. But I also know it will only happen if she wants it to, and in the meantime I'm doing my best to get myself together and try to forget her. All the good advice you people are giving me are appreciated, but these are things that I already know.

But getting dumped is painful, you all know that. I'll I'm looking for here is some relief from the pain. Again, I know we can't know for sure if she's lying or not. I'm just looking for what people think based on the evidence I've given.

A simple "yes I think she's lying because........" or "no I think she's telling the truth because..." is all I'm looking for here.

I'm just trying to keep my emotions in check so I don't wig out and call her, been leaving her alone for almost 2 weeks now and I'm trying to keep it that way. Getting assurance that she's probably not with someone else will help me do that.

JoeCanada76 · May 3, 2009, 06:11 PM

Do not come here telling people what they should be saying to you. Enough already.

Yes or no she is lying to you. Who cares. You want to figure out something, Go to her and ask her.

No one here knows.

Good luck.

mogdor · May 3, 2009, 06:14 PM

Another piece of info... the guy's myspace page says "single, here for dating".

Maybe I'm doing a good enough job convincing myself here that she's lying.

Yes I realize I'm delaying my healing process by dwelling on it. Just doing whatever I can to decrease the pain right now. I've had plenty other relationships and I've NEVER been as upset about being dumped as I am now... it sucks!

mogdor · May 3, 2009, 06:15 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Do not come here telling people what they should be saying to you. Enough already.

Yes or no she is lying to you. Who cares. You want to figure out something, Go to her and ask her.

No one here knows.

Good luck.

OK so I guess this is NOT the place to go for comfort after getting dumped, my mistake.

JoeCanada76 · May 3, 2009, 06:18 PM

That is not what I am saying. Your not going to find comfort by obsessing over things that are happening in her life. Whether she is lying to you or not. Does not matter at this point but you keep obsessing over the specifics of whether she was lying or not. Your actually telling us how to answer your question. There is no simple yes or no, about whether she is lying or not.

Yes this is a place of comfort, but it is not a place of sugar coating either.

Joe

mogdor · May 3, 2009, 06:25 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

That is not what I am saying. Your not going to find comfort by obsessing over things that are happening in her life. Whether she is lying to you or not. Does not matter at this point but you keep obsessing over the specifics of whether she was lying or not. Your actually telling us how to answer your question. There is no simple yes or no, about whether she is lying or not.

Yes this is a place of comfort, but it is not a place of sugar coating either.

Joe

I'm not telling people what their answer should be, I'm just asking for a direct answer to my question. I AM looking for a yes or no answer, and of course nobody knows yes or no for sure, I'm simply asking if people THINK it's yes or THINK it's no based on the evidence I've given. Trying to make it as simple as possible.

My question is:
Do you THINK the answer is yes or no, and WHY do you think that.

Whoever comprehends what I just said and can just answer without telling me to move on gets a gold star.

none12345 · May 3, 2009, 06:52 PM

This is the place to get comfort and some good advice and you've gotten plenty of it already.

How do you get relief from the pain? By stop contacting her, not by checking to see if she is dating someone else. That will only prolong it. Have you prepared yourself to have her not in your life?

But you've contradicted yourself. You said you are trying your best to forget her, but yet you are still wanting to be in her life and you still have hope that you will get back together with her. How does that work? You're not trying to forget about her!!

Also I don't get how you can be with someone that the relationship is broken already. There is a reason why it was broken in the first place. How can you be with someone that you only have hope for a reunion? Wouldn't you want a relationship that you don't have to hope but know for sure there is a future with that person?

Alty · May 3, 2009, 06:58 PM

My question is:
Do you THINK the answer is yes or no, and WHY do you think that.

Whoever comprehends what I just said and can just answer without telling me to move on gets a gold star.

Fine! I think the answer is no, she isn't lying. Why? Because she wanted to move on, left you to move on and now is moving on which makes perfect sense!

Now, where's my gold star?

liz28 · May 3, 2009, 07:03 PM

What your looking for is a pyschic and nobody here is one so why dwell on if she is lying or not? Would that really make you feel better? I think not.

Go on with your life because she is your EX. Stop emailing her and stop obessing over her and her words. You got your belonging from her house so time to close this chapter of your life and create a new one.