[theresbeautyinu]

I've gotten like seriously depressed in the last year... nothing matters to me anymore... the only things that matter are some family, and friends. Most of the time I block everyone out, ill lock myself in my room, and I have myself convinced that I'm worthless to everyone. I hate feeling like this... I've cut myself before, but never to bad... just, the pain, it feels good. But after wards I regret it so much. I've thought of suicide before, but I know its not right. I've talked to my friend about it, but she's gotten pulled into depression too. But it seems like whenever I talk to her, she changes my mood completely! She makes me totally happy! The only thing is, I feel like I use her, I guess I help her out to, but I don't want her to start feeling like I'm using her... and I want out of this depression SO BADLY!! But I'm terrified to talk to anyone but that one friend. There's nothing more I feel comfortable doing... how else can I escape the depression without having to talk to anyone else?

[mudweiser]

Have you tried calling a helpline?

Are you clinically depressed? Have you been to the doctors about this?

You could also try self-help or self-healing books. There are multitudes of online groups for people whom are depressed. Also here on AMHD we help and support you ;)

Try talking to your friend about how you feel, that your "using" her-- I'm sure as a friend she loves to help.

I remember reading some of your past threads and you seem very confused-- I really think it'll benefit you if you spoke to your school councilor or your doctor about this.

Well I'm here for you, and so is everyone else on AMHD.

Sarah

[theresbeautyinu]

I can't talk to anyone else... it terrifies me, I've always been the person that hides my feelings and doesn't want anyone to know my real feelings... I told my friend, because I started to feel guilty about it. But I can't talk to anyone else. It makes me cry and feel funny inside.

[mudweiser]

Well breaking through is the hardest part. You need to start opening up or you'll always suffer alone.

Sarah

[theresbeautyinu]

I don't know how. I'm scared.

[mudweiser]

Why are you scared?

That's a start.

Sarah

[theresbeautyinu]

I don't know.
That's just like one of my main feelings.
Its one of my biggest feelings that never goes away.
I guess I'm scared of being treated differently.

[albear]

Well doing so on here is a good start, just saying it stops it from being such a big deal to you and helps lower your hesitancy :)
And when you feel comfortable in doing so you can mention the things you feel to your local doctor who will be able to start you along the path to hopefully recovering :)

I can't tell you not to be scared because that's being stupid on my part I'm just going to have to hope you'll believe me when I say it will feel better afterwards :)

[theresbeautyinu]

I can't see the doctor without telling my parents. And that's the biggest thing I'm scared of. I'm scared of my parents! Not of my dad, but my mom... she never understands me and everything I do she yells at me for and tells me she's disappointed and makes everything worse for me.

[albear]

If your over 16 you can make your own appointments to see the doctor and you don't have to let your parents know or give them a reason because in all honesty its not their business if you want to keep things private.

If that's not possible

Well this may not be considered as good asvice by some people but lie to them tell them you need to make a doctors appointment for some reason just to go see the doctor.

[mudweiser]

I'm sure your mother would understand if another adult agrees to your condition- especially if it is a doctor. Sometimes when parents don't listen and there is another adult that agrees with the child a parent has suddenly a different perspective on things.

Sarah

[Comovai]

Dear friend,

Make sure you will do the following;

1. Go to the clinical physician and to a psychiatrist to determine any biological and/or chemical imbalances

2. Find a Christian Counselor/Psychologist who really cares enough to follow-up on you in your health recovery

3. Help your own self by doing exercises and thinking on the things of God above, Above All!

4. Trust Jesus love for you FOREVER and do not let the enemy of your soul destroy you by sending you messages which rob you of your value and strength to fight for all that is worth living for in life.

5. Make a difference for good wherever you are, for your family, friends and society.

6. Do some critical thinking and stay away from emotional floods and pitfalls...

7. Find a couple of people who really can be of support to you in this period of distress and

8. Never lose hope! Learn to get stronger by expecting the best from God for your life because He is faithful!

In Jesus Love!

Comovai

[theresbeautyinu]

I just cant. I've tried... my moms scary. I want to get out of this myself... I want to be strong for once.
I'm TERRIFIED to talk to anyone else.

[Pokerface5]

I know it can be hard talking to people. Im 16 but I started cutting myself at 15 and it was difficult to see my friends to find out but worst of all was telling my mother. She never noticed but it was getting harder and harder to hide. I knew she would go balistic and make everything worse. I was right about the balistic part. After I told her she started screaming and crying and I thought I'd never live it down. But I did. She didn't kill me or disown me like I thought she might. I know that right now all you can see is the thistles in the bush but the sooner you chop them off the faster you'll see the rose.

[theresbeautyinu]

I don't want to upset my mom. I hate seeing her hurt and scared. I love her... but I feel like we'd both be better when if she doesn't know.

[albear]

Then don't tell her
Don't feel you have to either
At this moment you need to be thinking about yourself and how you can make yourself feel better

[theresbeautyinu]

And how do I do that?

[albear]

By getting the right sort of help

[theresbeautyinu]

I cant, I'm too young.

[albear]

That's a silly answer you are never too young to receive help. Your scared of telling people maybe but you need to overcome that if you want to stop feeling the way you do :)