[MT36]

Well I'll try and keep this long story as short as possible...

I'd been seeing this woman for a number of months and I really thought she was the "one" - she ticked every box I'd ever wanted and everything was sublime

We never fought and really enjoyed the fact that we were so similar (3 days apart in birthdays) and we had this incredible innate understanding of each other...

She had told me previously that she was a "player" but really wanted to settle down and felt I was the one too...

I believed her...

Then out of the blue on new years eve she said that she wanted to break up as she needed to "find" herself and didn't want to be in a relationship - we even spent the next few days together as she said we'll get through this together and said she wanted to be friends and she said I was part of her family

Well within 2 weeks she was seeing someone else - that hurt!! - (she didn't meet this person until we'd broken up - I know this for a fact)

On my birthday - which was 3 days after hers in Feb (I had phoned her for hers and given her a fantastic present) - there was nothing - no text message or phone call nothing

Then recently one of my closest friends died after a long battle with cancer - I sent her a text and told her and once again - nothing - that really hurt as she really knew how much my friend meant to me...

I was so hurt because she said she wanted to be friends

Well its another month on and I'm keeping myself soooo busy and doing OK - but I'm just not interested in dating and I just can't stop thinking about her

I don't know what to do

I trusted her - but I really want to get her out of my head

Any advice would be much appreciated

Thanks for reading my post...

[Horth]

Been there done that.

As to her not giving you any response from two "BIG" events in your life just goes to show what kind of person she is. If she cared she would've been there for you (especially about your friend, which I'm sorry for you)

Anyway I dated a girl for almost 5 years and went through the same thing you are at the moment. It takes time, for me its been 5 monthes since my ex broke up with me and I still have times when I'm reminded but that's just life. Find something to do with your free time. Join a gym, vacation, friends (especially after what just happened) Don't sit around and ponder on the past. Im not sure how old you are but use this free time to have some fun.

[Jake2008]

You shared something with someone special, which was very intense, over a short period. The relationship came to an abrupt surprise end.

I don't think it happens very often that lovers can remain friends, after they have broken up.

It takes a lot of time to recover completely from a broken relationship, and a broken heart. While the relationship may be over, the feelings remain.

It is good that you are keeping busy. You can drive yourself crazy with the 'what if's, and trying to figure out what went wrong.

Take the good that you had together, and know that someday you will find someone again that you can love unconditionally, and know that it will last. As time passes, the hurt will ease, and life will return to normal again.

A rule of thumb is it takes a year to really recover from such a personal loss, and I think that is true. To jump from the fire into the frying pan happens all too frequently, and results in more of the same.

[ylaira]

Things are clear as the sun. She's out. You're on the right track just keep being sooooooo busy. Time heals.

[talaniman]

She will leave eventually, just keep doing what your doing. No more texting for any reason, though.

[Romefalls19]

Sorry for your loss, she will eventually leave your head, they all do. It just takes time and sadly that is what takes the longest. She is ignoring your texts, so stop texting her. Delete any form of contact you have with her and go no contact.

[Hazel13]

Hey I'm really sorry for your friend but I have some advice for you.

You should go with another friend you get along pretty well on vacation (I recommend Georgia) but if you don't have the money then just get more free time than just sticking yourself on work

Good Luck!
Hazel13

[becky27]

I believe you should keep doing what your doing but find time to release out your anger and sadness. I don't know what age you are but crying mends a broken heart. Don't keep it all bottled up. If you want to get over her then release all the pain you got from her.

[magicwandaful]

Hi there,

You're going through a 'bereavement' process for the death of a hope for the future. It's worse in cases such as these, because the subject of your hope is still around. Like so many people, I've heavily been there and it can be a devastating experience. In my experience, though, when trying to work through a loss like this, it only prolongs the 'agony' if I try to push thoughts of the person/situation away. It's as counter productive as saying 'don't think about white polar bears', because you'll immediately conjure up an image of them which may then stick around in your mind's eye for quite a while. So, when I have to face/deal with thoughts of loss around a person or situation, I don't fight these. I'm focusing upon developing a detachment to them (as per one of the principal tenets of Tibetan buddhist practice) so that I watch/listen to, or just be aware of them, which is helping me to deliberately hold back from getting emotionally involved with my thoughts/internal images. When these aren't fed by the fuel of my judgements/emotions, they hang around for a short or long while but in the end, they drift away. I'm mindful of this practice as a means of helping to reduce the pain that's frequently experienced when dealing with loss. Living with such pain can actually prevent moving on - it's not helpful for anyone to extend the experience of loss/pain and I do hope you're able to choose to focus on progressing to new experiences, with new people, instead of becoming caught up with dwelling upon a person/situation that was clearly so very one-sided. A very good axiom is that 'if the shoe doesn't fit, it isn't your shoe'. My sincere hope is that you'll be able to move forward, to discover the many other 'pairs of shoes' in life that will undoubtedly prove to be a good, if not perfect, fit for you! Xx