[mssK78]

I am in love with my best friend. We have known each other for years and have been there for each other throughout time. He is such a wonderful person. He is so smart, kind, funny.I love spending time with him. Recently things changed and we became intimate. He told me that he suddenly looked up at me one day and began to have feelings for me. We have been spending more quality time together. The issue I am having is that... I am completely in love with him. I want so many things now... I know he loves me. I'm not sure he is in love with me. I feel insecure and vulnerable. Even though I know he is making time for me and calling me... We have watched each other date other people in the past. We know each other so well. He is the type of guy who needs his space doesn't like to feel trapped. I want to feel happy about how things are going... but I'm feeling vulnerable and insecure. I'm not sure why.

[artlady]

There is only one surefire way to get an answer and that is to ask him.
If you are intimate and have this long friendship,you should feel comfortable talking to him.

It would be good to get it all out in the open and discuss what your expectations are for this new relationship.

It is not unusual to want to know where you stand and if there is a future.He may be wondering the same thing as well.

[I wish]

How does it go? If you date your friend, you skip the first 20 dates?

You are probably feeling insecure because you do not want to ruin the friendship, in case he doesn't like you. But the thing is, even if he doesn't feel the same way about you, I doubt that it will affect your friendship with him. If anything it should strengthen your friendship because the tension is out.

Artlady is right, if you feel this way about him, then ask him and see what he feels. Since he's your best friend, I'm sure you two have a well established communication system already.

[mssK78]

Maybe I'm just afraid that if I tell him that I am in love with him... It might be too soon to say something that strong.

[mssK78]

There is only one surefire way to get an answer and that is to ask him.
If you are intimate and have this long friendship,you should feel comfortable talking to him.

It would be good to get it all out in the open and discuss what your expectations are for this new relationship.

It is not unusual to want to know where you stand and if there is a future.He may be wondering the same thing as well.

Thank you

[JoeCanada76]

Do not come out and say you love him.

Starting as friends is the best sure way to have a positive strong future with a love one.

Everybody is afraid of friendship changing. The thing is it could work out to more then you could ever imagine but you will not know unless you take that risk.

Tell him that you feel you want more.

[pathisfer]

The fact that you already know he doesn't want to feel trapped sounds like this could easily become a FWB situation since you are already sleeping with him. Did he tell you this? Has he had a history of not committing?
Guys put more work into a relationship to win you before you have sex and then tend to reap in the good stuff and coast in the relationship after it becomes sexual without a commitment. There are always exceptions and this may be one of them but it's too soon to tell.
I wouldn't tell him you are in love with him and I wouldn't pressure him either. Since you have such a good history with him, I don't see why you can't ask him where things stand.

[talaniman]

I can understand your fear, and you don't want to put a lot of pressure on him, but you do want some reassurance your not just a booty call. That's understandable.

No way do you keep being intimate, without some clear sign from him. That's not fair, so you do need to talk. Respect yourself, and he will too.

[mssK78]

Thank you everyone. I had a chance to ask him how he felt about me. He said he wasn't ready to "say" anything now... not because the feelings aren't there... but because he did not feel ready to say it now. I told him that I was OK with that answer for now... but that eventually I needed more from him. He seemed to panic for a minute... then pulled away for about a day. We talked a few days later and everything seemed OK.

[talaniman]

Sex??

[mssK78]

Sex... No I meant we talked about things. He pulled away in the sense that He didn't call me for a day or two.

[mssK78]

He has commitment issues. It makes it hard to expect something different out of him when I have always known this about him.

[IWHO]

I was, still am, in love with a wonderful, loving, passionate man who had to take moving into our relationship one step at a time... seemed like it took him forever to admit that he loved me... oh, he would say I love you, and Luv you... but could not say I Love You... each time I pushed him, he back away for a few days, and retreated into what I called his "cave"... when he returned, he knew more of what he wanted from our relationship and would take it another step forward... in the end, he told me he loved me everyday, many times a day, and was the most loving and wonderful, true man, I have ever known in my life... every day I told him that I loved him, and that I wanted to marry him... I started asking him to marry me 3 months after I met him... I know, not the proper thing to do, but I couldn't let this one get away... and after a year and a half, we were going to be married... he treated me like a lady, and put me up on a pedestal... he died of cancer 6 weeks ago... we never got to be married... so my advice is this... give him his time in his cave, but never let him forget that you love him... he may need reassurance when he emerges from the his cave that you are still there, still waiting... my friend needed to know that I would not ever leave him, see, his wife of 39 years, the OTHER love of his life, died from cancer 4 years prior... she left him... let your friend know that there's not a time limit, and that you will always be there... he may be scared too...

[mssK78]

Thank you for that. He is such a great person. I don't want lose him as a friend.