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binx44 · Sep 19, 2006, 04:21 AM

My Bf and I have been together for almost 5 years now.. sure we had a rocky start but we were young and still are... A little while back I posted the "My Bf thinks i'm a leach" post (link is) https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ach-32210.html

Things got better until 2 weeks ago When I was told to Grow a sense of humor or he was leaving me... the reason he told me to grow a sense of humor is because his older cousin constantly makes fun of me, runs me down and makes me feel like plain ****. I'm sorry but I don't take lightly being called an idiot 60 times or more a day. I don't want to leave my boyfriend but I can't handle being run down every day. His cousin's at our place Monday to Sunday from 5 in the evening until sometimes 1 am. I can't handle being made fun of all the time. Ryan (my bf) says its all me and that I should just let things roll off my back.. but I was made fun of all my life and I grew up in a very bad home I can't handle what they are doing to me.. what should I do I don't want to :mad: :confused: leave him. Last night his cousin even had the nerve to say "he was even looking for a girl to replace me so ryan can have a better girlfriend.
God this hurts me so much inside I don't know what to do

Krs · Sep 19, 2006, 04:34 AM

Right if the house you are living in with your boyfriend is yours, then you have all the right send his cousin flying.
I wouldn't stick anyone calling me an idiot 60 times a day... and most of all IN MY OWN HOUSE. (That made me angry! ).

Secondly your boyfriend should be genuine enough himself to also send his cousin flying and not expect you to find it funny!
Your boyfriend should have more respect.
Tell him you don't want this cousin in your house, you are not stopping him from seeing him but just not in your house.

Why is his cousin at your house everyday?
Doesn't he have a life!

binx44 · Sep 19, 2006, 05:12 AM

He lives with his nanny.. (his cousin does) my boyfriend says he's his cousin so I have to be nice.. I don't think he classifies it as our house I think he thinks its his even though I helped pay to furnish it and build it... I told his cousin to leave last night because I was sick of it and all that did was get me *****ed at :(

Krs · Sep 19, 2006, 05:18 AM

Im sorry but your boyfriend needs to learn the definition of respecting a girlfriend.
You should come before his cousin. You should be his priority. I mean you've been together 5 years not 5 weeks.

You should tell your boyfriend when he tells you " he is my cousin so be nice " you tell him " SO WHAT AM I???? ... AN OUTSIDER??".

Who pays the monthly loan payments for the place you are both living in?
Who pays for the necessary bills?

If you both pay everything equally then as much as its his its yours.
Is it only in his name the house?

chuff · Sep 19, 2006, 05:46 AM

Ouch Binx, I think your being abused. Not physically but verbally. The problem with those of us that were teased as kids is that we 1) we were emotional and 2) Never learned to defend ourselves. If his cousin is saying something like that to you then and your boyfriend doesn't defend you then neither one them respect you. If this has been going on for 5 years then it's definitely abuse. If it just started recently maybe your boyfriend wants to break up and instead of hurting your feelings by breaking up he's becoming a jerk so you'll dump him. I don't know the answer to that but I do know that if you don't start sticking up for yourself now, you never will and he will walk all over you. Even if you argue and lose at least get your point out in the open.

binx44 · Sep 19, 2006, 07:38 AM

Before I lost my job which was about a month ago half my paycheck went into bills and food.. he said I could take my time and find a job and not to worry about that.. It's only been like this since his cousin starting hangin around.. getting worse each week... he thhreatened to dump me already if I didn't "grow a sense of humor" but I'm, me and he knows that so I don't know why I should change and not him.. if anything should change its how I don't feel respected any more.. things are always fine when his cousins not around

Krs · Sep 19, 2006, 07:48 AM

Do you have friends or family who live close by?
If so then I would pack a few things and leave for a few days.

He is really disrespecting you.
I wouldn't put up with it, he needs to taste his own medicine.

binx44 · Sep 19, 2006, 07:54 AM

I have my mom but I can't stay with her.. she's the reason I moved out... herher bf's and my father

Krs · Sep 19, 2006, 07:56 AM

Can't understand your last sentence.sorry.

Friends?

Wildcat21 · Sep 19, 2006, 08:36 AM

WELL!! If your boyfriend allows this... time for a new boyfriend. They both are JERKS. He shouldn't have allowed this to happen once.

Why on earth would you wan to be with a guy who allows your cousin to abuse you. And this is MAJOR abuse.

Your boyfriend sounds like a real jerk to me. Maybe you have more info - but if my girlfriend allowed this (although I WOULDN'T ALLOW IT TO CONTINUE - but, I have a mssive, major spine and I am blunt) - I'd move on.

That isn't humor what so ever. Find someone to live with move on - you don't need a boyfriend like this at all. This is pretty simple.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2006, 08:47 AM

What are you doing making excuses for a guy who lets someone in his home to abuse you?
Get rid of this bum and get a life you can enjoy.
Don't you think a real man would defend his woman? How come you accept this behavior?

Wildcat21 · Sep 19, 2006, 09:10 AM

Plus - your jerk boyfriend says 'get a sense of humor'?? / and then threatens to leave. That's abuse as well.

This is REALLy an unhealthy situation. These two jerks are tag teaming you and your emotions.

With boyfriends like yours - who needs enemies?

My god - get this jerk out of your life. Seriously.

binx44 · Sep 19, 2006, 10:36 AM

I know but its just so hard to up and leave him he showed me what a real life was to begin with before all of this has happened.. he took me into his heart when I had no wheres else to go, when my mother wouldn't even let me live with her.. He stood up for me when I was raped, helped me through the loss of my grandfather and also the suicide of my best friend he was the first and only person still to this day that ever showed genuine care... or I thought he did

Wildcat21 · Sep 19, 2006, 11:00 AM

Well - he has completely taken you for granted. He certainly doesn't respect you anymore.

HAVE YOU TOLD HIM HOW YOU FEEL? I MEAN Really SIT DOWN AND TOLD HIM.

No one deserves to feel this way or be treated this way - ever. You shouldn't stand for it or put up with it.

Quite frankly I'd tell the cousin what an imature jerk he is.

BIM · Sep 19, 2006, 12:23 PM

First off, as I was told once by someone on this forum, "There ain't that much love in the world." It was very good advise, I might add!

No matter how much you "love" your boyfriend you shouldn't want to be treated like this. You may have had nothing when you met him, but I cannot believe you still have nothing. Pick yourself up and start a new. Tell both those "things" to have a good life together and walk away.

There are more "fish in the sea" go find a keeper and toss back the rest.

s_cianci · Sep 19, 2006, 07:10 PM

Unfortunately it doesn't sound like Ryan respects you enough to stand up for you. That "get a sense of humor" line is a big cop-out. Frankly I don't know why you wouldn't want to leave him. He won't go to bat for you and condones others making fun of you then tries to blame you for not having a sense of humor! Come on, now! Frankly I'd do away with this one now.

Krs · Sep 19, 2006, 11:53 PM

Thing is it always easy for us to say LEAVE when we are not in the situation ourselves.
You need to sit down and write down the pros and cons about this guy.

I personally would not stick with a guy who expects to me to get a sense of humor when that humor is being laughed AT me... if WITH me then its different.

Your guy needs a good telling off and a good piece of your mind because he is truly hurting your feelings, and if he still stands up for his cousin then please realise he is a jerk and a loser.

chuff · Sep 20, 2006, 12:26 AM

"binx44 agrees: i agree with you but every time i try ad talk he walks away"

If he walks away then he doesn't give a damn what you think. That's actually worse than listening to you and not doing anything. He won't even give you the time of day. You've got to save yourself now. The relationship is over. It sounds like it's been over for some time. Look your coming here and your asking for help so I know that your know this is wrong. Some women would never even look for help so I know you've got the strength to get out of this. You just have to realize the time to act is now. Get out now and worry about the rest later. It's only going to get better once your gone.

binx44 · Sep 21, 2006, 04:16 PM

Well.. I finally gave both of them a piece of my mind but its like ryan is an idiot. He doesn't see where I'm coming from at all. Hes right back to the "Your acting 5 not 19, get a sense of humor." I suppose have until he gets home tonight (when he comes back from my friends place with his cousin {she likes his cousin, and he won't go alone}) To make my decision on whether I am leaving or not. And if I decide to stay I have to be different tomorrow (as in letting his cousins "jokes" roll off my back and learn to take life as it comes at me) Or I'm kicked out. Well personally I don't think a few hours of thinking is all I need this is something I really need to think about (I know some people think "Why would she need to think about this") I don't know why but I just do. Is all I can say. So I'm hoping maybe when he gets home tonight I can tell him I need time to think and see what he says. At least now, if I just leave or need to get up and leave I know I have a place to go. God I never knew how hard life can be. I thought it was getting better. I was finally beginning to put my childhood into my past and spend my life with the man I love and all of this bull comes flying at me...

Skell · Sep 21, 2006, 04:49 PM

IF you can go somewhere, LEAVE. Teach this guy a lesson. Leave, go. You see he thinks there is no way your going to leave. He knows he has you under his complete control. And he does. He is daring you to go knowing you won't.
So I say go. If you really love him doing this may be the catalyst for him to change his ways and realise he is treating you poorly. It may be the best thing that happens to your relationship.
OR you may leave and relaise you are better off without him and never go back. I know that is a scary proposition for you right now but it is entirely possible!
Read you signature again. It is so true!