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JohnnyBlog · Apr 19, 2009, 11:03 AM

From reading many posts after a break-up, many people say "she obviously wasn't the one". That made me think, is there really a 'one', that person who is 'meant' to be with you? It seems like there is no one person who is meant to be with you. When in a relationship and talks of marriage and a future together begin to come into play, that person at the time is most definitely the one. Just because she leaves does that mean she is no longer the one? But what's to say that all relationships which have mutual love and thoughts of the future won't end. In this case there is surely no such thing as the one? How confusing.

redhed35 · Apr 19, 2009, 11:15 AM

When I was 13 I had a crush on a boy,as far as I was concerned he was my 'one.'as I got older and in different relationships I always felt this is the one,including an ex husband.
After many years,I learned that the only 'one' who can give me what I need who can give me that happiness and feeling of self worth,was ---ME.

I am in a new relationship and it's the first time in my whole adult life that I am not looking to someone else to support my emotional well being,and mental health.

itried · Apr 19, 2009, 12:10 PM

There is no such thing as "the one". Only the one you're with. This is just a way of erasing all of the failures of our past relationships that still haunt us. I agree with redhead35, the only "one" is yourself. It's extremely naïve to place the expectations of being "the one" on an imperfect human being.

Survivor07 · Apr 19, 2009, 01:09 PM

I agree with the above. There are most likely countless people in the world you would be attracted to and compatible with.

I think "the one" would be the person you're in love with, there are more good times than bad, there's balance in the relationship, and you BOTH WANT THE SAME THING FOR YOUR FUTURES.

My family says of the man I'm in a current relationship: "He may not be Mr. Right, but he's Mr. Right Now. "

mudweiser · Apr 19, 2009, 01:17 PM

No I don't believe in "the one".

When people say "she wasn't the one" I think they mean: The one for now.

There are millions of people in the world- what makes you think you only have a great connection with one? Now that is unrealistic and quite juvenile to think so.

It's not the "one" you need to worry about, it's the mutual principles/morals you share with someone, having common interests, and all of what consists on having a healthy relationship that make things work.

It didn't work out because "it was destiny"- it works out because you make it work.

So no. There is no "one" in my opinion.

Sarah

Fuzzball_Kara · Apr 19, 2009, 01:24 PM

If we all tried to find the "one" we could go through guy after guy over-criticising him cause he isn't Just how you planned him to be... Try it this way. Instead of trying to find someone that will be right for you.. try to be right for someone else... In other words... in stead of asking "What can they give me." ask "what can I do for them." But first of all.. be right for yourself first.

mudweiser · Apr 19, 2009, 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by Fuzzball_Kara

If we all tried to find the "one" we could go through guy after guy over-criticising him cause he isn't Just how you planned him to be... Try it this way. Instead of trying to find someone that will be right for you.. try to be right for someone else... In other words... in stead of asking "What can they give me." ask "what can I do for them." But first of all.. be right for yourself first.

I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. You don't want to change yourself for someone else. Yes, relationships have compromises. However, it's best for someone to love you for who you are and not what you can do for them. Being true to yourself will bring love to you, not just any love, but a good one.

Trying to please the other partner is good, but not good if you're the only one giving.

I do agree though when it comes to coming into a relationship with a list of demands or characteristics you want in a partner. I said this before and I'll say it now: If you come into a relationship with a check list, you'll be checking out very soon.

Sarah

Survivor07 · Apr 19, 2009, 01:32 PM

I think you need to be the kind of person you want to attract.

Of course, I mean be yourself, but this advice helped me when I was feeling down and out... I was only attracting other down and out types. Make sense?

Make a list of qualities that you would want in someone else and see if that list describes you.

itried · Apr 19, 2009, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. You don't want to change yourself for someone else. Yes, relationships have compromises. However, it's best for someone to love you for who you are and not what you can do for them. Being true to yourself will bring love to you.

Trying to please the other partner is good, but not good if your the only one giving.

I do agree though when it comes to coming into a relationship with a list of demands or characteristics you want in a partner. I said this before and I'll say it now: If you come into a relationship with a check list, you'll be checking out very soon.

Sarah

I don't think Fuzzball_Kara is saying that we should alter our personality to fit into a relationship. I think what Fuzzball_Kara is trying to say is that you shouldn't come into a relationship just to receive. We should try to enter a relationship with the intention to give. When we receive something worth having in return, the relationship will be worth being in.

liz28 · Apr 19, 2009, 01:50 PM

I think there is a right someone for everyone out there. But when you do meet that person and decide to be in a committed relationship with him/her the two of you have be on the same page.

The problem is that many people get involve with someone then even ignore or settle for a person when they know the person is no good. Or this try to change them and it ends up backfiring. You always have to view a person actions rather than words.

In life nothing is guarantee because I always use to wonder how can a person be married for 20+ years then one day just want out.

Relationships are hard work and it takes two for it to work not one. There going be days when your oil and water, going have sad, happy, angry moments but at the end of day your able to conquer anything together. As long as your able to have open communication, have respect and trust then you have a shot at lasting. Above anything you have to be friends.

I know I said this before but sometimes your going kiss a few frogs before you get to your prince or princess.

JudyKayTee · Apr 19, 2009, 01:51 PM

Mudweiser;1676933]I do agree though when it comes to coming into a relationship with a list of demands or characteristics you want in a partner. I said this before and I'll say it now: If you come into a relationship with a check list, you'll be checking out very soon.

I think what you mean by "check list" is what matters. I think you have to have certain standards, certain guidelines (for lack of a better word). I am not interested in anyone who is separated, for example. Divorce - OK. Separated, no.

Depends on what you're looking for and what you want - I've wasted time on relationships that weren't exactly what I was looking for or, more importantly, needed and they've been a big waste of time.

mudweiser · Apr 19, 2009, 01:58 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I think what you mean by "check list" is what matters. I think you have to have certain standards, certain guidelines (for lack of a better word). I am not interested in anyone who is separated, for example. Divorce - ok. Separated, no.

Depends on what you're looking for and what you want - I've wasted time on relationships that weren't exactly what I was looking for or, more importantly, needed and they've been a big waste of time.

Well of course you have to have some standards- you don't want to settle for just anyone. I've seen people that come in a relationship with a long checklist and if they don't pass one thing- they immediately see the man as a disgusting waste.

Sarah

JudyKayTee · Apr 19, 2009, 02:03 PM

Again, I think it depends on what's on the checklist and how important it is. If you're looking for a guy with an actual job and you meet one who doesn't have one, for example, keep moving. I won't date someone who smokes. That's on my checklist.

Again - depends on how important various issues are and just what's on the checklist.

Of course, I also think "the one" is out there. You can call it fate or anything else but I think if it is meant to be, it will be.

Nestorian · Apr 19, 2009, 02:35 PM

It would apear that there is "the one", just not "the one" every one thinks.

Love seems like life, pliable and ever changing. Why put a title or rigid requirements on life, when you haven't experienced enough of it to know what is really possible, and there for what you may really "grow" to love. "The one" is an over generalized term that people are, I'd argue, brain washed into believing via movies and T.V. Yes, they are fictional, or exaggerated, but people still look at the show and say, "I WANT THAT!" It screams thorugh there mind, once again I'll chalk that up to dopamine, as it likes novelty. If you have read any of my preious posts in the area of love you'll know what I mean.

The question here does not seem to be, "Is there such a thing as "the One"? Rather it seems to be, what is your definition of "? Rather it seems to be, what is your definition of "?

"the One"?

"Ment" to be with me, and I her. Since life seems to show me that there is only here and now, then I guess ", refers to some one that is " for me is whom ever I'm with at that moment, by with I mean dating not just a random girl I am next to. Then again, there is also myself, I am the one I'm meant to be with because I'm always with myself... Eh?

An open mind means many things, and most people are afraid of having an open mind, as it means they may very well be wrong; however, “Be not ashamed of mistakes and thus make them crimes.”- Confucius.

peace and kindness.

JudyKayTee · Apr 19, 2009, 02:43 PM

Originally Posted by Nestorian

"the One", refers to some one that is "Ment" to be with me, and I her. Since life seems to show me that there is only here and now, then i guess "the one" for me is whom ever i"m with at that moment, by with I mean dating not just a random girl I am next to. Then again, there is also myself, I am the one I'm ment to be with because i'm always with myself... Eh?

I must admit you lost me here -

Fuzzball_Kara · Apr 19, 2009, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

I have to respectfully disagree with you on this one. You don't want to change yourself for someone else. Yes, relationships have compromises. However, it's best for someone to love you for who you are and not what you can do for them. Being true to yourself will bring love to you, not just any love, but a good one.

Trying to please the other partner is good, but not good if your the only one giving.

I do agree though when it comes to coming into a relationship with a list of demands or characteristics you want in a partner. I said this before and I'll say it now: If you come into a relationship with a check list, you'll be checking out very soon.

Sarah

What Im trying to say is to be selfless if you want selfless love in return. I'm not asking anyone to change. I just feel so many times we believe that it's all about us. I've seen relationships in where they think about themselves way too much and it leads to selfishness and miscommunication. Of course I think the other one should be giving too, but to get respect, you have to give it too

Nestorian · Apr 19, 2009, 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by Fuzzball_Kara

What Im trying to say is to be selfless if you want selfless love in return. I'm not asking anyone to change. I just feel so many times we believe that it's all about us. I've seen relationships in where they think about themselves way too much and it leads to selfishness and miscommunication. Of course I think the other one should be giving too, but to get respect, you have to give it too

Hahha, how right you maybe my friend, however, consider this... “Respect yourself and others will respect you.”-Confucius.

Nestorian · Apr 19, 2009, 03:19 PM

And Liz right back at'cha sista. ;) haha.

talaniman · Apr 20, 2009, 10:18 AM

I think we all make the mistake of making another "the one" and get so disappointed when they can't meet our expectations.

I think time is what confirms if they are truly the one, but we get impatient sometimes, when life and reality throw stuff in the game.

How many people jump into a relationship claiming to be the one to our partners?? If it ain't them, then it must be us.

Romefalls19 · Apr 20, 2009, 10:50 AM

Personally, I do believe in "the one" but not in the way you are thinking. I believe every person I have been in a relationship was "the one" for me at that moment in my life. My feelings for them were true, but time changes things and all we can do is roll with it. Eventually we will find someone who will roll with those changes with you.