Check out some similar questions!

ho3zey · Apr 17, 2009, 11:29 AM

I need help. Im in a relationship for almost 2 years now. It was full of fun and romance until last week when my partner told me my friend and him are attracted to each other. My partner assured me that he loves me and he won't do anything to hurt me. He said he's telling me this because he wants to be honest with me and that he wants to be friends with my mate because he feels like they can relate to each others past. We went out clubbing and I started getting jealous every time I saw them together. I freaked out and it turned the night into a mess!
I couldn't sleep at night. I keep on imagining that they call each other. My partner told me to not get jealous because it's a turn off... now I'm freaking out again. What should I do? I wasn't like this until 6 days ago :(

kctiger · Apr 17, 2009, 11:31 AM

I have NEVER heard of a partner telling another partner they are "attracted" to a friend of theirs... they can say that that person is good looking, but actually admitting to having physical attraction to them is a fairly unheard of event in my book. Did they talk to each other about being attracted to one another? I mean, this just seems a bit awkward in my opinion.

ho3zey · Apr 17, 2009, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I have NEVER heard of a partner telling another partner they are "attracted" to a friend of theirs...they can say that that person is good looking, but actually admitting to having physical attraction to them is a fairly unheard of event in my book. Did they talk to eachother about being attracted to one another?? I mean, this just seems a bit awkward in my opinion.

Yes they did talk about it.

kctiger · Apr 17, 2009, 11:58 AM

That seems to be fairly inappropriate to me. I can see being attracted to my ex's friends, but never would I have said, "Hey, I talked to (insert name) and we both agree with are really attracted to each other. But don't worry, I love you, and nothing will happen. We want to be friends too..."

I wish · Apr 17, 2009, 12:26 PM

Wow. The question you got to ask yourself is whether you trust him or not. If the trust is broken, then the relationship is broken. If I were in your position, I wouldn't be able to trust him.

There are so many things wrong with this situation:

He says that he still wants to be friends with her because he wants to get to know her better and see if there's a possibility with her.

You are not his safety net. He's going to talk to her more and more and if one day he likes her, he might dump you and be with her. But if it doesn't work out with her, he will just come back to you.

What is wrong with your friend? Your friend is attracted to him too? Are you sure that she's your friend? Maybe I have higher expectations, but I wouldn't be able to forgive my friends for something like this.

ho3zey · Apr 17, 2009, 12:46 PM

Those are the same questions and others that come to my mind every night before I sleep if I even sleep at all.

And yes, my friend told him he is attractive.

ho3zey · Apr 17, 2009, 12:46 PM

And omg... its 5:46am and I'm still awake!

artlady · Apr 17, 2009, 12:50 PM

Well my dear,I would not be too keen on knowing this either.
I don't understand what he hoped to achieve by sharing this with you.I think I would be a little freaked out as well.
Hes got some big ones to tell you not to be jealous,you have a right to your feelings and now you have to wonder every time they even speak if there is something else going on.
The only advice I can really give you is watch them and be on your guard.Protect yourself.

redhed35 · Apr 17, 2009, 01:30 PM

I would wonder if the physical attraction might lead to something,example,I wonder what it would be like to kiss,daydreaming or having fantasies about the other person.
If your attracted to someone its difficult to put the stoppers on wondering what it would be like,especially if they have told you they feel the same.
That is unless you are in a committed relationship and make the choice not to pursue. Attraction to another does not mean he will,but to say it to you,and your friend to admit it too.. dam,id be confused as to who id want to drop first.

ho3zey · Apr 17, 2009, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Have to spread reputation.

You seem like such a nice girl. I thought most girls would be super pissed when they hear their boyfriends say something like this.

He obviously shoke your trust, he needs to earn it back... or else... bye bye!

I may have to tell him how I feel, not matter what. Otherwise, it will bother me forever. And I think that goes to my friend as well. This whole situation is getting me crazy.

ho3zey · Apr 17, 2009, 01:45 PM

Originally Posted by redhed35

i would wonder if the physical attraction might lead to something,example,i wonder what it would be like to kiss,daydreaming or having fantasies about the other person.
if your attracted to someone its difficult to put the stoppers on wondering what it would be like,especially if they have told you they feel the same.
that is unless you are in a committed relationship and make the choice not to pursue. attraction to another does not mean he will,but to say it to you,and your friend to admit it too..dam,id be confused as to who id want to drop first.

Exactly. My partner assures me that he's so much in love with me and that it was all attraction. He reckons being attracted to other people is natural, doing another thing is different. We had this conversation a long time ago and I agreed with him. But when I heard about my friend and him having attraction to each other, I felt like a drum of cold water was thrown into me. I don't know if it's just me being paranoid.

liz28 · Apr 17, 2009, 01:50 PM

I would dump they both. It doesn't make sense for you to watch them like hogs. This isn't want a relationship is all about.

Lines have been crossed and your boyfriend has a lot of balls to tell you he is going talk to her because they have things in common.

Next week he's going be telling you "I am leaving you for your friend".

Quit while your ahead.

redhed35 · Apr 17, 2009, 01:55 PM

To be honest I don't blame you.. keep an eye on things,but you should ask yourself if this is a dealbreaker for you.. he has given you reason to be jealous,your friend,what's she thinking!

Do you think he is getting a thrill from this attraction?
And how long do you think you can go before you start to get totally paranoid?

If you trust him you trust what he says... your gut instinct is telling you something,only you know what that is.

artlady · Apr 17, 2009, 02:14 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

I would dump they both. It doesn't make sense for you to watch them like hogs. This isn't want a relationship is all about.

Lines have been crossed and your boyfriend has alot of balls to tell you he is going talk to her because they have things in common.

Next week he's going be telling you "I am leaving you for your friend".

Quit while your ahead.

Can't rep you Liz but I agree.Either I'm leaving or lets have a threeway,something like that.

chrissymarie · Apr 17, 2009, 02:32 PM

You know your boyfriend... you know which head he thinks with (the little one or the big one)... If you've noticed that most of the time he thinks with the little head then you know he is flirting with your friend and secretly hoping for something more. But if you've noitced he thinks with the big head most of the time then he's probably just really attracted to her and wouldn't really associate with her out of respect for you if you and her weren't such good friends.

Also if your boyfriend is a smart guy he'll know not to hit on your friend because she'll tell. She would tell you right?

If you can't trust your friend and boyfriend I suggest you replace them with people you can trust.

If you can trust them then you got to stop being so insecure.

I know how it is I have been in a situation like yours. And it really was just my insecurities.

talaniman · Apr 18, 2009, 07:05 AM

He was honest with you, so you to must be honest, as to how you feel about this situation, with him, and her.

Tell you what, knowing what you know, wouldn't make sense to party with the 3 of you. Honestly, getting out of this situation would be the best, as its always hard to not be jealous, or suspicious, so if you cannot balance your feelings, you have to leave.