[MimiGirl]

Hello,
Most of you probably have read my past posts concerning this and many other problems with my husband.. I just found out that behind my back he used a friend's Google account to chat with other co-workers and with his 1st ex
They were together back when they were just 18 right now he is 26 but sometimes I feel like he hasn't gotten over her. Since we were dating he would bring up his past practically all the time. They supposebly were best buddies but that's just something that I cannot accept now. I know he had huge feelings for this chick cause he's told me what he past through and how hurt he felt when she dumped him. Now I just found out that he chatted with her once again behind my back.. The weird thing is that he told her how obsessed Iam with her and that I even looked her up in Facebook and that I also go through his emails to check to see if she had wrote to him-He even told her that I look through his phone bill account.. Why would he do this behind my back to one of his past relationships?why would he tell his ex everything that is going on? He even told her that I hated her and that Iam a very jealous woman. He also mentioned that I told him to tell me that he too hated his ex but that he told me that he couldn't tell me that he hated her.. Can you believe this? Anyone, please inform me if he did this cause he is still into this stupid chick or what's the deal? He told me when I confronted him that he spoke to her cause he was angry at the fact that I would lie to him every time he asked me if I still would go through his emails.. His ex even told him that I was going to the extremes.. I don't know anymore-my heart feels like its breaking little by little. My trust towards my husband has totally disappeared-He did apologized and told me that he will never speak to her again cause he didn't want to lose me that I mean the world to him.. Call me obsessed or what ever I know I have issues but I cannot stand being with someone that still has feelings towards someone else.. This was not the only time he wrote or spoke when we were dating he would email and speak to her on the phone-he even wanted to meet up with her alone.. This happened while we were dating, isn't that when things between the couple suppose to be hot and anxious about one another? Instead my man was still thinking about his 1st ex..
Well anyway, its been a horrible year and now every time Iam at work I can't stop thinking about what if he talks to her again? I can't live like this and I was so close on leaving him when I found out that he spoke to her once again.. I can't live everyday with worries or doubts that he might not love me as much as he says he does.. He told her that he added her to that friends list a night when he was doing overtime at work.. Which leaves me worrying now every time he does his overtime. He mentioned to me that after he added her or sended her a request he deleted her from the chat list cause he felt bad talking to her behind my back knowing that bugs me.. But supposebly he forgot to delete her email address at the contact list cause I saw it still their.. She was the one who sent him a message first asking who that was and then he replied..
I honestly don't know what to think anymore and I need some major advice cause yes I love him big time but I do not want to be fooled around with. I don't want to be wasting my time with someone who is just with me just to have someone -but as soon as he finds out that his ex leaves her boyfriend or wants to get with my hubby I feel like he'll leave me in a heart beat..
Please help.. is it wrong to feel this way? Iam thinking wrongly? I feel so down and not one day passes without me thinking about everything that has happened.. :(:(:(

[Jake2008]

I read your posts from back in February, and no, I don't think you are wrong to feel this way.

My opinion is, it is totally innapropriate for a married man to chat up an ex, and share details about his wife! The same goes with meeting up with her, phoning her, emailing her, etc.

She IS the other woman, and she has no business in your marriage- none. She knows you are married, and has crossed a few boundaries there, which your husband has obviously not set.

It is hard to tell who is pursuing who. He could easily put a stop to it, but he doesn't. She could put a stop to it, but she doesn't. And you are stuck in the middle.

It isn't harmless, and it isn't innocent. My husband doesn't have an ex, but if he did what yours is doing to you, I'd feel exactly the same way.

He needs to make some decisions here to put you and your marriage first, and dump the ex for good.

[MimiGirl]

That's what he is telling me he will do.. But how can I believe him-this is the second time you know..
I don't want to break my marriage or "giveup" like he has mentioned to me that Ill do but its been very difficult to go on thinking that he might eventually do it once more.
For example: now his job is asking him to see if he wanted to do some overtime this Sunday from 7am-2pm I honestly don't trust him being along in front of his screen at work so I told him that I was also going to go (their isn't that many people working at his department on the weekends and any family member can go in as a visit or stay with co-worker)
He told me that he doesn't mind me going-as a matter of fact he is telling me that he understand why Iam getting the way Iam getting and that for now on he'll let me check anything I want to check from him-if its online, through the phone, or anything else..
I forgot to mentioned that he even told his ex that he was using his friends chat and that I wouldn't find out-his ex told him that she didn't want to cause any problems between us.. Eventually I have my ways of finding things out-and I knew that he was going to talk to her again.

[MimiGirl]

He also has told me that he felt very bad that day that he spoke to her behind my back that it was a stupid thing that he did.. He also mentioned that he didn't care for her at all but then why talk to her again.
If he knows that it bothered me before when I found out that he spoke to her while we were still dating and supposebly he loves me so much why hurt me again and go behind my back! Why are men so stupid sometimes? They don't know what they have till they lose that person.. He broke down when he thought I was going to leave him last week.
Iam sorry if Iam acting up a little here its just that this all happened last week 2days before our first year anniversary.. I honestly couldn't enjoy that much of our weekend cause the thought was still in my mind.. He messed up big time and he knows it

[MimiGirl]

I was even thinking on calling or sending his ex a email telling her to back off cause she is ruining our marriage.. you think that would be a good idea?