[hedieh]

I'm so jealose to my husband,whenever we go out,I think he look at other women,I keep look at his eyes to find where he look at.I told him about what I thinking & he said he looks everybody not just women or if he looks women he not mean it.he loves me,he keep saying I'm beautiful.. . But I know I don't have any self confidence & I think he looks other women who more beautiful than me.sometimes I thinking if he get friend with other women & I didn't know.I know is stupid but how I can I stop it?

[talaniman]

Get some professional help or talk to a good and trusted friend or do things that give you confidence. Work, school, volunteering at church or social groups.

[mysticque]

I don't know why everybody thinks that when you have a simple non volatile issue experts would just say to get some professional help. I think it's very demoralizing. Her only issue is confidence and her husband is taking advantage out of it to drive her nuts. Let me put it this way. If there is nothing wrong with you there is no reason to get repaired. Period. Sometimes you can work things out from your own judgement. Although networking and group interaction really helps building your confidence level but it's not always the case. It's the way you were brought up. Or what's influencing you. You may have good self esteem now but that can be tear down anytime as well. Although, yes I agree with some part Talaniman is saying keeping yourself busy is definitely crucial. However, it doesn't always resolve the issue. You might want to work on yourself before putting others as your priority.

[talaniman]

I don't know why everybody thinks that when you have a simple non volatile issue experts would just say to get some professional help. I think it's very demoralizing. Her only issue is confidence and her husband is taking advantage out of it to drive her nuts. Let me put it this way. If there is nothing wrong with you there is no reason to get repaired. Period. Sometimes you can work things out from your own judgement. Although networking and group interaction really helps building your confidence level but it's not always the case. It's the way you were brought up. Or what's influencing you. You may have good self esteem now but that can be tear down anytime as well. Although, yes I agree with some part Talaniman is saying keeping yourself busy is definitely crucial. However, it doesn't always resolve the issue. You might wanna work on yourself before putting others as your priority.

With out knowing the husband you have concluded that he is intentionally driving her nuts based on what? Also by what criteria does one seek help since you obviously do not think it will help? And my advice was not to stay busy but to do things that can build confidence and self esteem. I take issue when someone tears down anothers opinion and vehemently disagrees on such a pesonal level. You can express yourself without taking some to task or writing off what someone have expressed can't you?

[J_9]

I totally and completely disagree with you Mysticque. How do you know this man is taking advantage? How do you know she does not need professional help?

I believe this could possibly be an issue of trust, Hedieh. Has anyone every cheated on you before? Do you have any actual real reason to believe that he is "looking" at other people in a sexual way?

If he were not looking at people, men or women, he would be blind. It is human nature to look at people. It is quite normal. My husband frequently points out beautiful women to me. He says he likes the hairstyle or the sense of fashion, but he is not looking in a sexual manner.

We joke and say that "just because we are on a diet doesn't mean we can't read the menu." It basically means that because we are married we will not cheat on each other, but we are human and cannot help but look at other people.

I am wondering if the trust issues could be from childhood, you seem to have very low self esteem. Talkng to a trusted friend or a professional may be in your best interests.

[mysticque]

With out knowing the husband you have concluded that he is intentionally driving her nuts based on what? Also by what criteria does one seek help since you obviously do not think it will help? And my advice was not to stay busy but to do things that can build confidence and self esteem. I take issue when someone tears down anothers opinion and vehemently disagrees on such a pesonal level. you can express your self without taking some to task or writing off what someone have expressed can't you?

Get some professional help or talk to a good and trusted friend or do things that give you confidence. Work, school, volunteering at church or social groups.

You know you really contradict your own personal note. I don't even know how many personality you have. From my experience and evaluation about men who thinks they are superior. Majority of them usually take this tool against women to manipulate every way they can possibly do. Of course at his own discretion. How foolish of me to just come up with that assumption. Besides I'm just trying to point out with her which would be suitable for her to fit the life she share with her husband. I'm not here to compete with your foolishness.

I totally and completely disagree with you Mysticque. How do you know this man is taking advantage? How do you know she does not need professional help?

I believe this could possibly be an issue of trust, Hedieh. Has anyone every cheated on you before? do you have any actual real reason to believe that he is "looking" at other people in a sexual way?

If he were not looking at people, men or women, he would be blind. It is human nature to look at people. It is quite normal. My husband frequently points out beautiful women to me. He says he likes the hairstyle or the sense of fashion, but he is not looking in a sexual manner.

We joke and say that "just because we are on a diet doesn't mean we can't read the menu." It basically means that because we are married we will not cheat on each other, but we are human and cannot help but look at other people.

I am wondering if the trust issues could be from childhood, you seem to have very low self esteem. Talkng to a trusted friend or a professional may be in your best interests.

Do you really think people come here to get a quick blatant answer and direction Go See a Therapist? And do you always do what someone says to you? I don't think so either. People come here in the beginning to get idea. My assumptions came up the way men behaves himself. I've been with guys who likes to stares with other women so what. I stare at other gorgeous men out there especially with a bulging boner. I'm just being honest. On the otherhand I take matters seriously when the occasion calls.

[J_9]

I don't know who you are coming on here and bashing people after only 50 posts. You don't know me, or Tal, or exactly how this site works yet.

However, that said, after being on here as long as I have, along with Tal, and being deemed experts, we have been able to read between some lines. IT'S CALLED PSYCHOLOGY!!

This lady apparently has some trust and self-esteem issues that need to be addressed. And you seem to have some issues against men, cause not all men act the way you continue to describe them.

[JoeCanada76]

You know what. It is natural for a man to look at other women. It is natural for woman to look at other man. It is how we as individuals deal with seeing this. Some may deny, others do not. What you need to remember is that he is with you. No one else. Should that not make you secure enough, nothing will. One of the things that my wife and I went through was counseling before getting married. It is required by the catholic church and we were both giving questions about each other, and how we feel about certain situations and one of the questions was whether you think your mate would be jealous if him or her saw you looking at somebody else. It is a normal reaction but do not make a mountain at of a mole hill. Remember looking is so much different then touching. Remember this. The most important number one thing to remember is he is with you and NOBODY ELSE.

Joe

[mysticque]

Well first of all I didn't come here bashing people. Unfortunately most of the responses, and personal messages directed at me, here are propane and confrontational in a more bias way. And also I don't have issues about men. In fact I love men. And most of all I studied psychology it's my 2nd to the best. And yes I don't know you and tal or anyone for that matter, hence, I used mysticque. I also intend not to disclose my identity after all this is an online forum which is open to public for free speech, religion, beliefs, and all that matter.

People miscontrue some of the opinions that they might start to believe that it may be right due to the majority of the peoples belief. Life is a constant change old habits or traditions doesn't always work in the new generation. Teens nowadays are repulsive and believe what is possible. I'm sure you guys have helped and given lots of good advice. I'm just here for the same reason.

[J_9]

Maybe you did not come here to bash people, but that is how it is coming across. Maybe you do love men, but that is not how you come across. Maybe you like psychology, but it does not sound as though you have taken a course.

If you are here for the same reason, then take a breath and you may want to think carefully about you answer and exacly how you are going to answer so as to help rather than to offend.

[mysticque]

Well it seems like you want your words acknowledge. Its amazing but with all due respect I think what matters is that all of us trying to help another human being. Well hope you the best and nursing school.

[mysticque]

Well your opinion counts so does mine. But its not my problem if you like mine or not. That's probably why you see more kids more successful today than 50 years ago.

[J_9]

So, shall we get back to helping Hedieh with her problem?

[K_3]

There is always going to be someone more beautiful than another person. He loves you, looking at someone attractive does not mean he wants that person. You have to get your mind set to the fact that he loves you and he sees you as beautiful. Talking with him about it is good, acknowledging the fact that you have a problem is a big step. You could see a counselor or you could go to the book store and find some books related to jealousy. It is in your mind. I had a friend that was so jealous it made her crazy. Her husband never wanted anyone else. She had to change her thinking as she was creating it all in her mind. Does this make sense?

[Skell]

I agree with Tal and J-9 hedieh.. by your own admission you have self confidence and self esteem issues. I think you need to address them and I know many people who have found talking to a counsellor an effective method. So please consider this.
And despite what another rposter may claim I don't think your husband is taking advantage of you.
I am much the same as him. I look at people. My ex would often give me a whack because I was staring. I didn't mean to but I just find people intriguing. I would sit in a shopping centre while my girlfriend was looking for her new jeans and just watch people. Men and women. I certainly don't think this amounted to be me taking advantage of my girlfriend.
Absurd claim to make!
Your husband loves you. After all that's why he married you! You need to realise your own qualities and what makes you so special. Im sure there are many reasons!

Mysticque. I feel a little sorry for you. You seem to have some seruious issues towards people in general.
You claim that if there is nothing broken then there is nmo need to get repaired.
Well clearly this lady has something that needs repairing. She openly admits it. You say you want to help people but you even argue with and contradict the questioner... Strange... She asked for help and Tal, who has helped countless people here (go back and read past threads where people have thanked him for his advice that worked) and he was giving an honest answer and you tear him down for it. Completely uncalled for. Address your response to the original poster. Not someone else who has offered their advice. This offers nothing to person who really needs help!

[mysticque]

Well I admire your challenge. As far as I've known different cultures have so many different point of views. I've lived through thick and thin. I've been rich and been poor. I've been east to west. Around the globe. You can't just tell people to go get Therapy if they can't afford. This is why this website is here for. Unless that situation is really extreme then to my best understanding yes why not. Does that make sense to you? I'm neither against to anything. But with my understanding in many different colors and different originality. I think you can figure it all out yourself.

[Skell]

well I admire your challenge. As far as I've known different cultures have so many different point of views. I've lived through tough and thin. I've been rich and been poor. I've been east to west. Around the globe. You can't just tell people to go get Therapy if they can't afford. This is why this website is here for. Unless that situation is really extreme then to my best understanding yes why not. Does that make sense to you? I'm neither against to anything. But with my understanding in many different colors and different originality. I think you can figure it all out yourself.

As I said who do you call when you have a leaking tap? A plumber. A professional in his field.
When you have got the flue who do you see? A doctor.
We aren't therapists here. Sure we try and offer adivice but how can one really fully understand anothers problems and offer help via the computer. We do our best job and I'm pretty sure a lot of people get the help they need but in a lot of instances people need to talk to a professional. I know it helped ME! And that's what my advice is based on.
There is places where people can get free therapy too. At least here in oz there is.
And no sorry. Your post doesn't make sense. Im not ridiculing you here but I don't understand some of your sentences sorry.

Unless that situation is really extreme then to my best understanding yes why not. Does that make sense to you? I'm neither against to anything. But with my understanding in many different colors and different originality.

What does this mean sorry? I don't understand?

Why do you feel the need to argue with everyone's posts. Whenever someone offers there opinion or advice you want to argue! Sure you don't have to agree, but that is no reason to completely write off that persons advice as wrong.
As I said, address your answers to the original poster.

Sorry hedieh, I have hijacked your thread here! Not my intention!
Please respond to our advice with any issues or further questions you have regarding YOUR issues!

[mysticque]

Well I'm considering other factors that can cause her much more distress. Like you said get a professional help for something because she was jealous with her husband looking at something? I'm not getting the picture why a therapy should be a part of this first of all. Getting a therapy can cost you a lot already. 300 bucks average an hour. I think I'd go shopping with that. And so what if her husband looks around when women shows boobies. It's normal he's a guy and he's attracted to female figures. One thing she can catch her husband's attention is to fix herself physically and let the magic work itself.

[Skell]

No. Not getting help because she is jealous of her husband looking at other people. Which is no reason to be jealous for sterters.

But getting professional advice on her self esteem issues.

Do you think that getting herself 'fixed physically' is going solve all her problems? PLease... Great advice.

Don't spend money on talking to someone who may be able to help you, spend it on a new dress and some fake tits. You have got to be kidding!! Surely you are joking?

Yes, this may help her feel more confident about herself and in turn help some of her self esteem issues. But surely one has to love there inner self as much as they love their appearance?

You seem very materialistic mysticque. Not just form this post but from many others.

And my consellor (he wasn't a psychologist but a trained therapist) didn't cost 300 bucks and hour.
It cost $60.

As is said though, there was free therapy on offer too.

Im struggling to understand your posts as well. Really I am. The sentences are very poorly constructed so I may be missing some of your points. I apologise for that!

[J_9]

But how do you know she does not fix herself up physically. If you have studied Psychology you should understand Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, Erikson's development.

Looking at members of the opposite sex is natural. The human body is an art form.

I agree that not everyone can afford to seek therapy, but there is therapy out there that is free or on a sliding-scale.

We just have to be careful not to criticize her and tell her to fix herself up, that is lowering the self-esteem that already seems present. We also have to be careful in telling her that her husabnd is taking advantage and driving her nuts on purpose. We don't know that for a fact.

So, please can we talk to Hedieh herself, and help her overcome this problem without placing blame on anyone.