Check out some similar questions!

blondndisguise5 · Apr 14, 2009, 09:46 AM

Hey guys! So I was on this site maybe 5-6 months ago where my high school sweetheart of 3 years broke up with me and went out with a girl the next week. I went straight to nc /limited contact and fcoused on healing and loving myself. I did pretty wel while there were many set back but trust me you guys, letting go and going nc is REALLy healing and a fantastic chance to grow! I know its hard but its worth it.

Anyway after a few relapses I started around and its been 6 months but my ex has come back to talking to me.. he just broke up with the girl... and he says he wants to be single but that he still has feelings for me and one day hed like to be together again.

Red flags? Rebound? Looking for a summer fling?

My approach right now: because it isn't causing any pain and I can now imagine and be okay with life without him I'm proceeding in talking again but being careful. Also I always let him contact me first.

mudweiser · Apr 14, 2009, 09:53 AM

I think he wants to go back to what is familiar with him.

I believe keeping him as a distant friend would be good for the both of you. Your healed and feeling great, you don't want to start something with him just because he "feels" for you still.

Proceed with caution!
Sarah

MiSSsy111222 · Apr 14, 2009, 10:19 AM

I would be careful, definitely keep him at a distance you don't want to ruin your progress.

I wish · Apr 14, 2009, 10:27 AM

Well, there's a reason you guys broke up in the first place. Who's to say that you won't break up again after getting back together.

But if you are curious... then proceed with caution.

Seems like he's not done exploring other women. But he wants you to be his back up in case it does not work out with other women.

I suggest you steer clear of him (at least for a while) because he seems very confused about what he wants.

blondndisguise5 · Apr 14, 2009, 01:56 PM

Thanks guys! That's what I have been thinking too.
The reason we broke up was long distance and wanting to let each other grow and be "free" in our own ways during our first year of college. I agree with the "going back to wat is familiar" I feel like this could be a rebound thing. Anyone have their mates come back like this?

mudweiser · Apr 14, 2009, 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by blondndisguise5

anyone have their mates come back like this?

Yes.

They come back... they always come back [evil laugh]

Like I said best thing to do is to keep your distance.

Sarah

Survivor07 · Apr 14, 2009, 03:14 PM

Yes. He came back after four months of NC. He was still not knowing what he wanted. He just said he knew he missed me and loved me and wanted to be with me "some day".

It's true they return to something familiar and/or they're afraid to be alone, without a backup plan.

You're strong now. So, to stay that way, be careful. Do not have expectations.

For me, when he first came back, the old feelings started to creep back in and surprised me, so I kept him at a distance and eventually told him I didn't want a romantic relationship with him. But that was a long time ago and we are friends now. I like it better this way. I like HIM better this way.

talaniman · Apr 15, 2009, 06:33 AM

He says he wants to be single but that he still has feelings for me and one day he'd like to be together again.

The others are right as he may be just looking for a rebound and get back to his comfort zone with you, after trying and failing with someone else.

Let him stay single, and don't let him close enough that you can't enjoy your life without him in it. You worked to hard for that.

I suspect he has other options he is keeping open for himself, and so should you.

Friends only, and not your only friend either.

makapuu · Apr 16, 2009, 11:01 PM

He sounds like bad news. I'd steer clear of him. My college sweetheart looked me up after 20 years. I went out with him a few times, and all I can say is, "once a jerk, always a jerk." I pretty much became thankful that he dumped me in college. He was divorced twice, and living back home with his parents.

I'd say trust your instincts.

lazzyboyy313 · Apr 17, 2009, 12:58 AM

Same thing happened to me. My first love came back to me after 1 1/2 years of almost complete NC. She had just gotten out of a relationship of the same length and immediately tried to come back to me and practically begged for my forgiveness. By that time I had moved WAY on and kept my distance. Exes that mess up will always try to come back because they usually figure out the grass wasn't as green as they thought on the other side. That saying gets used a lot but it's the truth. Be careful and proceed with caution.