Check out some similar questions!

essentialoil · Sep 13, 2006, 05:19 PM

I'm starting to think my boyfriend is trying to control me even though he's ill(anixity and depression and I'm starting to think OCD) now can I get him to break the cycle? Or even try to get him to realise what he's doing to us and me damn it!

JoeCanada76 · Sep 13, 2006, 05:21 PM

Well you need to explain the situation better in order for any of us to help you and give you advice.

Questions:

What do mean by controlling you? Break what cycle? What do you think he is doing to us and you?

Answer those questions please!

Joe

essentialoil · Sep 13, 2006, 05:32 PM

Sorry... basically as he got the depression et al, he wants me to be with him all the time, I do volenteer work one morning a week (I don't have a job) amnd over the last couple of weeks he decided that I'm choosing to do this above everything else including him. Today it blew up again and he's gone for the night but he keeps phoning and telling me I've got problems too (I'm reasonably well adjusted) but every time he texts or calls he wants me to admit he's right and make him feel better... basically I feel he's driving me away and as bad as it sounds I don't want to be driven!

JoeCanada76 · Sep 13, 2006, 05:55 PM

Ahh, Well in my opinion. You need to be upfront with him about this. Does he work? Wow, only one morning a week. Volunteering is a good thing. Maybe you should do more of it. I am being serious by the way. He should be happy your doing something. How often does he phone? Honestly though, and please do not take this personally. Yes, he has major problems but you can not blame him for everything eigher. Do you actually admits that he is right just to keep him happy?

Oh, and what you should do is tell him that we both need to work together. We both should take care of things, but you need your time for volunteering. Him calling you all the time and texting you is starting to drive you crazy and you need your own space sometimes just like he does. Do you call him all the time? If not, point that out to him. So he is reminded that you do not treat him like that so he has no right to treat you like that. Now dealing with somebody that is under depression is very tricky but at the same time you need to open up and let him know how you feel.

I will not guarantee he will have a good reaction, but reassure him that you want to help him. I do believe both of you should take some counseling. I know you probably know that was coming but with a lot of these situations it is important to talk to somebody about your feelings and it is important for him so he can possibly get help and treatment.

What do you think about what I wrote.

Joe

s_cianci · Sep 13, 2006, 06:00 PM

Discuss your concerns with him. If he's as ill as you suggest, however, then trying to rationally reason with him may be a waste of time. In that case, insist that he get professional help or you're out of there!

J_9 · Sep 13, 2006, 06:04 PM

Is he currently taking any meds?

This could be a symptom of the meds or he may need one to help control anxiety until professional help is implemented.

essentialoil · Sep 13, 2006, 06:11 PM

I do tend to back down and tell him he's right but I've realised now that's not helping either of us! Today he was going to come with me (he's signed off ill) but it didn't work out. He wanted to get cigarrettes and I dithered about saying yes.. we got to the shops he said I had and werid attuide to working there (I really enjoy it) and that I should should some respect that I could only go there because I don't work (he pays my parents our rent) naturally I was increadibly p***** off and got out of the car and started to go home he stopped and apoligised, I then asked him to still come with me he refused. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells with chicks in them! And being tested at everyturn :( I hate pitying myself arrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh

essentialoil · Sep 13, 2006, 06:16 PM

He's meds have been upped recently but its been 3 weeks. I was reading on the MIND web site and I know this sounds amuturish but I think he is suffering more form OCD and that brings on the angixity and depression is it possible that he's on the rong sort of medicine? Citalpram 40g is his drug of choice

talaniman · Sep 14, 2006, 08:55 AM

Stop pitying yourself and there is only so much help you can give someone. Start thinking of yourself and your needs and stick to it. He needs professional help.