[IRFNAD]

I friend of mine and I happened to meet a woman the same day at the same time (from church). When I saw her, my world stopped. The three of us spoke and since then have exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. She's well educated and sharply dressed. My friend and I spoke about where we were on our availability. I have some personal things I'm working on so he was aggressive and has met with her socially a few times. In light of them getting together (kissing but no sex), I was prepared to back off and let things run their course. I was a little surprised when after a couple of days she emailed me wanting to know how it was going, being chatty and inquisitive but not necessarily flirting. At first I replied without asking any questions in return. This went on for three days and as it kept going, I started to enjoy the exchange. We discovered some similarities and likes/dislikes but I started wondering where this might be going. She's not coming on to me but she is being friendly and she's definitely keeping the conversation going. So, on this one Friday I sent her a note late in the day (after an afternoon of back and forth emails) explaining how much I like our exchange and I find her interesting BUT I know she has a date with my friend and I am concerned about being in the middle of things or distracting either of them since it seems they have taken an interest in each other. She replied by explaining how she is at a point in her life (10 years divorced, raised 2 girls, both off to college) where she is interested in getting involved with groups of people, meeting people and to have opportunities to go and do things. She's not wanting a serious relationship at this point. The kicker is she doesn't know where things are headed between her and my friend so that tells me things could be going somewhere, right? I told her it was clear to me and it wasn't a problem at all. I'm going to back off. The weekend passes. I'm with my friend late Sunday and his date with her came up in discussion. He's confused because what appeared to be a hot relationship at first suddenly became cool and that they should take things more slowly. I told him that I was continuing to email her but that's not new news because he already knows that. We get into the next week and our communication exchange takes off again. I'm being careful not to get flirty and once again she is just being chatty. She asked about something and I called her because it was too much for an IM answer and we were on the phone for an hour. This is all well and good but if it keeps up I could see where the conversation could turn more personal. Why would somebody spend this much time and energy talking with someone if they wouldn't (or couldn't) consider a more personable step in the relationship. I wouldn't. Our communication just flows. My friend has been very busy at work and not really following up with her but I can see "that look" in his eyes when we gather. I can't necessarily read her. There's no display of affection except for maybe the hello/goodbye hugs. I'm now confused and don't know what to do. Like I said in the beginning, this woman makes my head spin but I'm unclear what I do for her. Maybe she's just enjoying the attention. I think she is very attractive but there was something about HER that grabbed my attention, not her body. The only break in communications has been normal breaks (weekend with family or prior engagements, etc). I think I should be loyal to my friend first. I don't want a missed opportunity either. I wouldn't be in a quandary if it was Johnny down the street. So, what would you suggest I do? Should I just call it all off, back off and let it go? Should I inquire with my friend again as to where they are? One thought I had was to ask her for some private (but public) time where I could tell her how I feel and ask her how she feels. I doesn't have to be mushy. There's something inside me ripping at my heart strings and I think if I told her how I feel, then at least I would know she knows, she could respond and I'd have my answer. Rejection is one thing but not knowing is another.

[Devilfish]

She is at a point in her life (10 years divorced, raised 2 girls, both off to college) where she is interested in getting involved with groups of people, meeting people and to have opportunities to go and do things. She's not wanting a serious relationship at this point.

She told you exactly what she wants and where she's at. Where's the problem? LISTEN to her. You could tell her but be prepared to hear the same response

[liz28]

If your friend is talking to her she should ask him if it's okay to presue her. However you already stated he took a liking to her.

However, your walking on dangerous grounds because you shouldn't want to do anything to put your friendship in jeopardy.

Anyway, she already explained she wants nothing serious. And when people tell you want they want up front you should listen to it. I could see you falling for this girl down the road. You need to listen your communication with her.

[talaniman]

How old are you? You don't sound very young, And she certainly isn't, with two kids in college.

The reason I ask is, because you don't need to play the games of youth, and should know to be honest with your friend, and tell him of your interest to date this woman. That's first.

She seems to be interested also, but going in this with wild eyed anticipation, is for those that know, no better.

Dating is to learn about a person, and see what happens. So be honest upfront, as she has been, but don't go giving your heart away this soon. Then there is nothing to look forward to, and the chances are you will crash, and burn, because you rushed so fast into a brick wall, as your friend obviously did.

The old bull, told the young bull, "to slow down, and date them all" when they came to a pasture of cows. I cleaned it up a bit, but in light of what she has told you,

She's not wanting a serious relationship at this point.

Better go at this slowly, and honestly, with eyes wide open.

Tell your heart to keep quiet, so you can hear your brain talking.